The Promise of a Pin
by meganlucindaxo
Summary: *Sequel to The Promise of a Victor* After two Rebellious victors win the 74th games, all of Panem has to pay. Will Gemma and her family be able to survive? Or will she be thrown back into the arena, only to relive her worst nightmares all over again? R&R!
1. Chapter 1: The beginning of The End

_Hey guys! Welcome to my third and final book of my trilogy! I'm so excited to start this one, it's going to be action packed the whole time :D _

_Anyways, Tell me what you think in a review, lovelies! By the way, it would help if you read my other two books first, before you start this one! :)_

_All Characters you recognize belong to Suzanne Collins! I only own a handful of them!_

_xXxXx_

**_"Let me go!" I snarl at him, trying to wrest my arm from his grasp. _**

**_"I can't," he says."_ **

_-Don't you just absolutely love Peeniss? I do. Katniss and Peeta Forever *Fangirl squeal* _

* * *

><p>"Look at my baby! I can't believe you are already 8 years old!" I say, beginning to cry.<p>

"Mommmy! Stop! You're embarrassing me!" Trixie whines. Since when is my little girl embarrassed of me?

"Fine, Fine. But I'm still holding your hand. You're still my baby, Trix." I say, grabbing her hand and interlocking it with mine. We are waiting on Finnick to go to the reaping. I can't believe in four years my daughter will be eligible for this nightmare.

I'm 24 now, Finnick's 23, and even though we are still young, we both feel old.

The past 4 years have been long; each year we would lug ourselves to the capitol to mentor and sell ourselves. Trixie is bound to find out soon enough; she's a very smart girl and she keeps wondering why her daddy has to go away for business trips in the Capitol every few weeks. She doesn't notice it when we're at the Capitol, because she's always with some other victor.

I've been forcing myself to take my medication regularly, for Trixie's sake, and I haven't been back to one in more than three years. It's too much for me to handle. I have no idea how my father is; I ask Esmeralda about him from time to time, but she hasn't seen him.

Annie has gotten better, especially when she's in the water or around Trixie, but she still says they are going to get us. Trixie has grown a strong bond with her godmother, and she loves her a lot.

Annie is one of the lucky ones; none of her family has died since she won, and she hasn't had to sell herself. Yes, me and Finnick help with that each year.

Each year it gets worse and worse for me; Snow makes me take more and more drugs. Everyone is still head over heels in love with Finnick, not knowing that he is mine and I am his, so he doesn't have to take them. Lucky bastard.

"Dadddddddy!" Trixie screams out to try to get Finnick to come down; even though we are not married, she still refers to him as daddy, and she always will. I pray that one day we will be able to get married.

"I'm coming, gorgeous!" He screams back, thumping down the stairs. Trixie giggles.

Finnick runs over to us, winking at Trixie on his way, and wraps his arms around me. I smile and kiss him. "Ewww!" Trixie shrieks. Me and Finn laugh and separate.

"Come on then, you want to meet up with Addie before we go?" I ask Trixie, interlocking my hand with Finn's. She nods and I open the door, "Go. We'll meet you on the walk over." She grins and runs out the door, screaming for Adalee.

I sigh while leaning my head on Finnick's chest, "Do we really have to do this again?" I say.

"Yes, baby, we do. But it's going to be fine. Okay?" He leans down to my ear and breathes, "It will be over soon, I promise."

I look up at him hoping he means a rebellion is soon coming. He just shrugs and gives me a disappointed smile. I sigh and grab his hand. "Let's go."

He's barely got his shoes on when I'm dragged him out the door. "We are so old Finnick! Trixie is 8! Where did the time go? It seems like she was only one a few weeks ago!" I stop straight in my tracks, when shudders over take my body.

My eyes glaze over, and I'm back in my games. I've been doing this a lot lately; the doctors said it's just an effect from the drugs in my systems – that I'd have flashbacks.

"Carter." I groan, struggling to get out of this nightmare. I hear Finnick talking to me, but I can't understand what he's saying. "I'll come back to you Carter…" I groan again.

Then suddenly I'm shaken, and I come back to reality. Finnick strokes my face, "You okay?" He asks me.

I nod. "Why do you love a mental girl, Finnick?" I ask him after we begin to walk hand in hand again.

"You aren't mental. You are only mental when you don't take your medication."

I ignore him and continue on with our previous conversation, "Anyways, back to what I was saying. How is she 8 years old already? That's crazy. Before you know it she'll have a boyfriend!" I say.

"Sh. It's okay. It'll be fine-"

I cut him off with my gasp, "Finnick! What if… What if she gets reaped? Oh my gosh! Her first reaping is in four years! We need to start training her!"

Finnick looks around then grabs my waist, bringing me to him. Despite our conversation I find myself giggling. He smirks, and then hisses. "She won't ever be reaped. This will all be over by then."

So he did just admit that there will be a rebellion within the next four years. Interesting.

"We're going to be late!" I hear Trixie shriek with Adalee's giggles close behind. The come running in under our arms, and we laugh. "Come onnnn! We have to go! Mommy come on!" She says.

I smirk, "We're coming! Hold your seahorses, Trixie. We have plenty of time!"

We make it to the square with time to spare. I kiss Trixie on the forehead and bid her goodbye, before leaving her and Adalee with Adalee's dad.

The only good thing about the reaping this year is that nobody I know can get reaped. Just two more innocent children. Great.

We walk onto the stage, a arms length apart. Everyone in the district knows we are together, but whenever it comes to being around Capitol people, it is quite obvious we can't show our full feelings.

The escort walks onto the stage; I've gotten to know her very well over the past years. Her name is Tille, and right now she is 32, but she doesn't look a day over 25.

I've figured out that it's easier to just go along with everything, too. To not object. I get beaten much less that way. I'm lucky that Trixie doesn't remember all the times I was beaten; but she sees the scares every day. I've told her how I got each one, too.

"Taylor Hickens!" Tillie announces. A medium sized girl struts to the stage. She's obviously a career. Good luck to Mags training that one- I'm sticking with my district one people this year.

Then she moves onto the male tribute, "Timothy Luke!" A little tiny boy, he's probably only 12 or 13, walks onto the stage. I don't like him instantly; he's cocky and arrogant, but he really has no right to be. He's so small with that little afro on top of his head. There's no way in hell the careers will be having that runt with them.

I clamp down on my tongue to keep from saying anything, to the point where I taste blood. I hear Finnick snort when he's up onto the stage, and me and Mags elbow him –hard- in the ribs, at the same time. His hands fly to his rib cage, and he gives me a sad look. "Ow!" He whispers.

"Shut It and listen, pretty boy." I hiss. He snickers, and I raise my eyebrows.

"Thank you thank you!" Tillie finishes.

We walk to the audience to get Trixie. "I'll miss you!" Adalee says, latching herself onto Trixie.

"Come on Trix… you'll see her soon. We have to go." Finnick says, rubbing the arch in her back.

I hear her sniffle and she pulls away. She gives a quick wave, and we begin to walk towards the train.

We get onto the train, and Me, Finnick, Trixie and Tillie go to the dining car. "You hungry, Trix?" I ask her.

"Yes! I want ice cream!" She says, plopping down at a cushioned table.

The three of us sit beside her. "What kind?" I ask.

"Ummmmm…" She considers this for a moment, until it comes to her, "Oh! Chocolate! With that caramel sauce!"

Something clicks in my mind, and all I can think of is Annabelle. Tears come to my eyes and they start to burn. Finnick leaps up and grabs my shoulders, jerking me to look at him.

"Gemma. Stop. It's okay."

I fight the force in my head that is trying to force me to think of her. I push it away, and squeeze my eyes shut, letting the tears pour out of them.

I open them back up to see the three of them gaping at me. "Sorry, I'm ok. I just… I thought of Annabelle. I'm fine."

Tillie puts her hand on my arm, "It's okay, deary."

At the same time Trixie jumps from her seat to my lap, "Mommy don't be sad!" She says from her spot on my shoulder. I stroke her hair for a quick second before placing her back in her seat.

"Chocolate and caramel it is." I say with a voice crack.

Scared I'm going to fall apart, Finnick calls over the avox. He orders Trixie's icecream, me some oreos and honey, and us all hot chocolate- well, besides from Tillie. She says that hot chocolate is un lady like and that we should all have tea instead.

I politely decline by saying, "Ha! I think you're the crazy one here! Hot chocolate is _ahh-some_!"

The avox brings us our food, and I dig into the plate of oreos, just as Trixie eats her icecream. I can't look at it, so I focus on dipping my cookie in the honey. Just as I bite into the deliciousness called an orea, the tributes arrive.

They stop and give us weird looks when they see us pigging out on junk food. I shrug and say with my mouthful, "Sit." Crumbs fall from my mouth and Tillie goes into one of her fits. "Oh, stop, Tillie. The tributes are here!"

She huffs but follows along.

"Where's Mags?" Finnick asks to the tributes.

"She was behind us when we came in. I think she's gone to her room." Finnick nods slightly.

"Do you like ice cream?" Trixie perks up and asks the girl, Taylor.

She smiles sweetly (Wow. She doesn't seem like the type!), "Of course, little girl. I love ice cream. What's your name?"

"I'm Trixie!" She says. I remember when she couldn't say _Trixie_, so she used to say _Twixee; _god I miss those days.

"That's a cute name. I'm Taylor." They continue on talking for a while, before the tributes get up to go to their rooms.

We just hang around for a few hours, until diner. It goes by smooth, and I take a dose of my medication. The tributes give me confused looks, "When I came home from my games I went psycho, so now I have to take medication. Want some?" I say, sassily.

Finnick slaps my arm, "Gemma!"

I rub my arm, "Ow…" I grumble. We don't talk much after that.

We go to watch the reaping recaps then. My tributes seem strong; Their names are Marvel and Glimmer. Both definite careers. The tributes from two are even bigger, more blood thirsty. Their names are Cato and Clove; good luck to Enobaria and Brutus.

The rest of them are boring, really. District 11 has a huge boy name Thresh, who Finnick automatically likes because of his size, and a little tiny girl named Rue, who is 12.

"Rue! I'm going for her! You can win Rue!" Trixie yells at the screen.

Then District 12 comes up. Oh my god. Haymitch starts off by making a fool of himself; he tries to hug their escort, but ends up falling off the stage, obviously drunk. Me and Finnick start to roll around the floor, laughing. We aren't able to contain it. Guaranteed Haymitch was thinking of us when he tried that one; tried to brighten up our moods by not being here. We will definitely tease him about that one.

Then the reapings actually begin, and a little tiny girl name Primrose gets chosen. "I volunteer as tribute!" A bigger, obviously stronger, girl screams out, pushing little Primrose behind her. Primrose makes a scene, yelling and screaming, and another big boy, who is probably their brother, comes and drags her off of the girl.

She announces her name is Katniss Everdeen. Then they move onto the boy tribute. "Peeta Mellark!" The escort says.

Where have I heard that name before? Peeta Mellark… Mellark… Mellark! Oh! Mellarks Bakery! The best bakery in all of Panem (according to Haymitch). That must be the bakers son!

He has blond hair and blue eyes, he's actually quite attractive, just like the boy from two. "If that kid wins, or Brutus's kid, you might have some competition, love." I say, grinning up at Finnick.

He just smirks at me, and the Tv goes off.

"Come on! Time for bed!" I tell Trixie, Taylor, and Timothy.

Trixie moans but agrees- this is her first year she has her own room. Of course, Me and Finnick each have our own rooms, but we'll sleep together anyways. I go with Trixie to get her ready for bed, tuck her in, and tell her that if she needs me I'll be with Finnick.

She nods and yawns sleepily, and I kiss her forehead.

She looks so young right now; that's when I remember her nickname I used to call her… I haven't called her that in years.

"Goodnight, little monkey."

* * *

><p><em>Well, that was the first chapter! Tell me what you think! Review! :)<em>


	2. Chapter 2: Where's Esmeralda?

_Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! :) _

_Pink MockingJay : It's hard not to think of him like that ;) You aren't alone, trust me._

_Ever : Thank you so much, it means a lot :)_

_2B-ing . us . 4once : I only update so fast because I have no life... just kidding! I get bored a lot, so I turn to writing; so why not update fast :) _

_jadesaturday : Thank you! I'm glad you like it :)_

_QueenOfSwordsandFire : Yep, you got it! I'll explain the name now, so everyone will know. Good Job on being first ;) And Eeeep! Being a fangirl is the best way to be! There's more Peeta to come ;)_

_Okay, So like I said, I'll explain the name now. So anyways the pin = Katniss's MockingJay Pin. She becomes the MockingJay for the rebellion. So basically it means 'The Promise of a Rebellion' but I just thought The Promise of a Pin sounded cooler ;) _

_Thank you all, and I hope you like the chapter! Read and Review :)_

_I do not own the hunger games! _

_xXxXx_

**_""Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?" I say. _**

**_"I don't know. I don't think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror," he says. _**

**_"You should wake me," I say, thinking about how I can interrupt his sleep two or three times on a bad night. About how long it can take to calm me down. _**

**_"It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you," he says. "I'm okay once I realize you're here.""_**

_Peeta is just too sweet. I think I'm in love with a fictional character._

* * *

><p>"Finnick! Up, up, up! We arrive in the Capitol very, very soon!" Tillie bursts into the door, and me and Finnick don't respond. We just stay curled up in each other's arms. "Finnick! You have to- oh! Hi, Gemma?" She says.<p>

I groan, "Hi Tillie. Can you leave please? We're sleeping."

"No! It's time for breakfast! I'm not going to stop talking until you are both up and out of the bed!" Her voice is annoying.

Finnick removes his hand from my waist to wipe his eyes, "What time is it?"

I hear something click and then she says, "8 AM! Bright and early!" 8 Am? She told us yesterday we wouldn't get to the Capitol till at least ten. I take the pillow from in under my head, and flick it straight at her face. "Gemma!" She screams before bursting out in tears and running from the room to fix her makeup or something.

"Finally." I grumble, curling up on Finnick's chest.

"Sorry, love, but we should get up. Don't you want to go see Haymitch and bug him about falling off the stage yesterday?" Finnick snickers. I perk up at this, completely forgetting about yesterday. But then I remember what else being in the Capitol means… selling myself, and I slump back down.

"Fine!" I say, crawling out of bed. I'm in nothing but some lacy lingerie, which is the only thing the Capitol will provide me for sleep wear, and I hate it. It shows all of my scars, including the smiley face on my stomach because of the see through material. I move to the dresser to get some of Finnick's clothes, and I can feel his eyes burning into my back. "Yes?" I say without turning around.

"You're really beautiful, Gemma." He says.

I grab one of his shirts, and huge baggy pants, and flip around. Staring at him with my eyebrows raised I rip off the stupid lingerie, leaving me completely naked in front of him. "Do you see this?" I motion to all of my scars. "How can you possible think _this_ is beautiful? I'm so ugly… I can't…"

He looks me up and down, staring at every part of me, until he says, "Those scars are what make you beautiful, Gem… They each tell their own story; they define _you._ Not one other person in the whole entire world got those scars, only you."

I don't say anything while I shove the overly baggy shirt on; then the pants. I feel like I'm not wearing any, they are so big. They have elastic around the waste and leg holes, so they can't fall down. Then I wrap my hair up in a messy bun, "So am I still beautiful? Looking like this?" I say, twirling.

He laughs and gets out of bed, "Especially like this."

…

"Well, you're the classic career; so why should poor Mags waste the time on giving you advice on what you don't want to know!" I scream in Taylor's face.

"Because it's her job? Duh!" God. I. Hate. Her. So. Much.

We are sat down at a table, eating breakfast (Me, Finnick, Trixie, Mags, Tillie, Taylor & Timothy), and Taylor is being snobby, criticising Mags advice; so I'm calling her out.

"Gemma, enough. Calm down, love." Finnick says, grabbing my shoulders and hauling me back down into my seat. I'm fuming, flat out furious. Mags obviously doesn't mind it though, because she's just chuckling to herself.

"Ugh!" I groan just as the alarm goes off signalling we are entering the Capitol. I instantly brighten, "Trixie! Come look come look!" I grab her hand and drag the giggling Trixie to the window.

"Ou!" She says as the train passes all the colorful buildings and streets.

Tillie appears beside me; Finnick made me apologize to her earlier, so we are fine now. "Of course we are the last to arrive! I thought District four was always first?" I ask her.

"In the middle of the night, there were a few minor malfunctions. It's fine!" She tells me.

"Mommy look!" Trixie says, waving furiously through the window. I look out and see all of the victors grinning and waving, besides from one Haymitch Abernathy who is sat down and holding his hands. This will be great.

The train stops and me and Trixie hop out; the first one to meet us is Johanna. "Jo!" Me and Trixie scream at the same time. She walks over to us, smirking, and we attack her in a hug. We've actually become very close the past years, and we've helped each other through a lot. Besides from Haymitch and Esmeralda, Johanna is the victor I am closest with.

"Hey, Girlies," She says. I can't tell if she is mocking someone or not. I roll my eyes and laugh at her.

We chat for a few more minutes, and then move on. After we've seen Wiress, Beetee, Brutus, Enobaria, Blight, Seeder, Chaff, and Jolie, I run into Gloss. "Glossy!" I scream, jumping into his open arms and wrapping my legs around him. "Oh, I missed you, Glossy!" I cry into his shoulder.

He laughs, "I missed you too, Ma." Cashmere appears beside him and I leap from him to her.

"Hey girl! Long time no see!" I say through our hug.

"I know right! I thought you said you'd come to visit me?"

"I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't." I say, looking down.

"Hey, It's okay! I know." She replies, smiling.

Wait a second, Gloss and Cashmere never mentor. It's always Esmeralda and Mitchell? "Where's Es?" I ask them. I can see Gloss biting his tongue to keep from saying something and Cashmere starts to whistle, pretending she didn't hear me. "Hello? Where is she!" I demand.

"Gah! Okay! I can't hold it in any longer! Esmeralda-" Cashmere begins, but Gloss cuts his sister off by slapping her arm, "Ow!"

"Not yet!" He hisses.

"Oh just tell me!" I scream at them, excited.

They nod at each other and count to three under their breathes. Then at the same time they announce, "Esmeralda's pregnant!"

...

"Hello?"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" I squeal into the phone, and Esmeralda starts to laugh, "I'm so happy for you, Es!"

"Thank you, Gemma. You're too sweet. I'm sorry I never told you sooner; I wanted it to be a surprise!"

"Oh, I don't care! I'm just so happy for you! Who's the father though?" I didn't even know Esmeralda was seeing anyone.

"Mitchell!"

"Mitchell?"

"Mitchell!" She says into the phone.

"Oh my god! Tell him I said he'll make a good daddy! Now tell me, do you have any names picked out? Is it a boy or a girl?" I bombard her with questions, wishing she was here right now.

I wish I could see her expression; but unfortunately I can't, considering I'm using Cashmere's cell phone in the dead center of the train station. "It's a boy! And no, we haven't thought of names yet. You'll be the first one I tell, though."

"Wait! You're old to have a baby!" I say, realizing it.

She laughs, "I'm only 36 Gemma. It's all going to be fine!"

"Okay, I'll call you later though, okay? I have to go find Haymitch!"

"Alright, See you." We hang up, and I meet up with Finnick at his side.

"Es is pregnant Finnick!" I announce; He gives me a sad smile, obviously thinking about Kyanna. There isn't a day I don't go by without thinking of her. She would be around three now. "It's okay… One day." I whisper. His smile widens and he nods.

Then we walk together to the groaning Haymitch. When we are closer to him we begin to tip toe, so when we come up behind him he won't hear us.

I'm right behind his back, and I lean into his ear. "HEY HAYSTACK!" I scream as loud as I can. He screams a "manly" scream, falls over, and begins to curse. Me and Finnick fall to the dirty ground, laughing our heads off.

"Fuck you two," Haymitch mumbles.

I'm still laughing, but I manage to say "I love you too," to him.

…

We hung out with Haymitch for the rest of the day, pestering him about his fall.

Right now we are in the audience for the opening ceremonies, and I'm freaking out. This has happened every year, along with during the interviews.

I keep wringing my hands, and glancing around, positive someone's watching me. As District one's chariot pulls out into view, I feel a strong hand encircle mine. It's Haymitch, "Calm down, Gem. You're okay." I just nod.

Marvel and Glimmer, who I still haven't had the honor of meeting yet, are dressed in some pink matching outfits. It's rather odd in my opinion. The bruits from District two are dressed like golden goddesses. It's easy to see who the crowd loves.

The rest are boring and un-original, until District twelve. They are on fire. I think they are going to be burnt black, so I gasp, but they just smile and wave and own the crowd. I steal a glance at Haymitch, and he looks just as confused.

But then I notice him looking at Finnick and nodding, and Finnick bursts out into a big grin. I'm completely confused, and Haymitch squeezes my hand, "What do you think, sweetheart?"

"They're stunning." I say. All the chariots drive around for a while, and then we are released to go back to our tributes. Me and Finnick take Trixie and go to our floor, though, because I'm not in the mood to deal with the tributes.

"Rue was really pretty, wasn't she mommy?" Trixie asks me.

"She sure was; she's adorable." I answer, grinning down at her. She smiles like she accomplished something, and then we reach Trixie's room.

I get her changed into cute little pajamas, and she crawls into bed. After Finnick telling her two stories, she falls asleep and we creep back into our conjoined room.

"Why did Haymitch nod at you?" I ask Finnick while changing back into the stupid lingerie.

"It was nothing, Gemma." He says; I can tell he's lying, he's a horrible liar.

"I know you're lying, Finn, just tell me." I demand.

He flips around to face me and he gives me the look that says '_I can't talk about it here'_. So I just nod and leave it alone. We crawl into bed and his arms encircle my body. I feel him lift up my shirt, and start to trace the smiley face. I actually find it quite soothing.

I fall asleep quickly, dreaming of the future.


	3. Chapter 3: It was so real

_Hey Guys! Here's the new chapter! Hope you all like it, and tell me what you think in a review!_

_So here's a question for you all... do you have any hunger games merchandise? I went out yesterday and spent so much money on stuff... I have the pin, a keychain, Earphones, A notebook, 6 Magazines, "The official illustrated movie companion", and the tribute guild! Now all I need is a Shirt, Pillow Case, Movie, and Nailpolish! What do you guys all have/need?_

_Thanks to everyone that reviewed the past two chapters! It means a lot! _

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx _

**_"So it's you and a syringe against the capitol. See, this is why no one let's you make the plans."_**

* * *

><p>"G-Gemma?" I flip around when I hear my name being called.<p>

I don't understand who I'm looking at right now; it's Marigold. But it can't be, Marigold's dead. Tears well up in my eyes, "Marigold?" I whisper.

"No, Gemma, it's Zayna." She says, walking towards me.

I run to her and take her in my arms, "You look just like her…" I say.

I haven't seen Zayna in a while. I haven't seen her since Johanna's year; Jolie wouldn't let her come. President Snow couldn't sell her yet because she was to young, or so I was told.

"I know… I haven't seen you in years Gemma… how is your… how are you?" She asks me.

Little Zayna is nineteen years old. _Nineteen_. The last time I saw this girl she was a tiny scared 13 year old. Has it really been six years? Oh my god. "I-I'm okay." I say, trying to contain myself. "It's been so long, Zayna… the last time I saw you, you were thirteen!" I hug her again, and stroke her hair. I can't believe how much she looks like my old ally, even though she's older. It hurts me to look at her; it brings back to many bad memories from all those years ago.

"I know! I was home; I'm sorry I didn't mentor…"

"Don't be, Zayna. You are one of the lucky ones. I'm sorry but… I… I just got to go. I'm sorry." I kiss her forehead once, and then rush away from the frowning girl before she can say anything. Once again this is too much. Besides, it's time for dinner. I'm eating with Glimmer, Marvel, Cashmere, Glossy, and Penelope.

I met Marvel and Glimmer this morning. Marvel actually seems like a charming young man; he's very nice. He's big though, very big, and he's very skilled with weapons. Glimmer is just as skilled with weapons, and she's actually a very gorgeous girl. She's just generally beautiful. She's very nice, too, not cocky or anything.

I get to the dining room, and I catch Finnick and Haymitch (who are talking in the corner) flash nervous glances at me as I walk in. I ignore them and continue walking while trying to steady my breathing.

I take my seat, forcing my elbows on the table, and run my hands through my hair, breathing out. "Everything okay, love?" I hear Finnick's voice and someone's hand rubbing my back.

"No, I just saw her. I saw Marigold." I whisper.

"No, you didn't. That was Zayna, sweetheart." Haymitch's voice this time.

"They… look so… alike." I whisper.

"I know, I know… but Marigold is dead, okay? That's her sister, Zayna. You know Zayna." Finnick tells me, like he's trying to calm down a child.

I lift my head just a bit to see the two sets of worrying eyes staring at me. Tears flood over my eyes, "But it was her! But then it wasn't! I don't know who it was! I'm so confused!" My mind is playing tricks on me; it's making me think that it's Marigold, but I know in reality its Zayna. But my head is just making it so… _real._

"Sh. It's okay. I know it's confusing, but it's just your head playing tricks on you, okay?" Finnick tells me.

I nod, and tell them to go back to their tables. Finnick squeezes my hand and as they are leaving, the rest of the crowd from district one joins me at the table. Cashmere and Gloss are the first ones to notice my tears.

"You okay, Ma?" Gloss asks me. This just brings on a whole new round of tears.

"No! I'm not okay! These stupid drugs are messing with my brain, Glossy!" I say, my voice cracking.

He pulls me into a hug, and I cry into his shoulder. "Sh. It's okay, Ma… you'll be okay." He says. He's such a great big brother; he's always there for me, no matter what.

We finally separate to see Marvel and Glimmer with eyebrows raised. I wipe my eyes, "Oh just eat your soup." I say to them finally.

Gloss laughs at me, and I can't help but giggle. "So, guys, how was your first day of training?" I ask them.

Marvel shrugs, "Great. The careers are strong this year."

"Very strong; the ones from two are kind of scary though… I don't want to get on their bad sides!" Glimmer cuts in.

Before I can answer them, I flash my eyes around the room. I got that eerie feeling that someone is watching me, and I don't like it. I notice the Trixie is eating with Enobaria at her table, and into a very deep conversation with the boy tribute, Cato. He laughs at her and smirks every now and then, and she can't stop giggling. I also see that Haymitch, Finnick, and a few peacekeepers eyes are on me. There's something going on with Finnick and Haymitch that they need to tell me about, I just know it. _Maybe it's about the rebellion._

"Oh yeah, well at least you're partners with them. You got a chance to make it far," Cashmere picks up for me. I just nod in agreement.

Glimmer drops some of her soup on the table by accident, "Oh! I'm sorry!" She says.

"_Glim-mer_! You need to have proper table manners here in the Capitol! Don't they teach you anything in district one?" Penelope goes on and on, she's very annoying actually. An Avox comes with a needle filled with my medication, interrupting the conversation.

All eyes in the room are on me, and it's pissing me off. I stand up and clear my throat, getting everyone's undivided attention, "You all want to watch?" I shout out, grabbing the needle.

I jab it into my arm, hard, and release the medication. Cashmere grabs me, "Gemma, sit down!"

"What? They were all watching anyways!" I shout.

"Stop." She says.

I roll my eyes but follow the order, slouching in my seat.

"Are you okay?" Marvel chirps, cocking his head to the side.

"Fine. Just fine," I say.

I don't talk for the rest of the meal; I just listen to Gloss and Cashmere talk to Marvel and Glimmer about possible arenas and strategies for the rest of the time.

After everyone's done eating, and they clear out, I just stay sat down. I call and avox over and order some hot chocolate, which I sip on when it comes.

I close my eyes for a few seconds, savoring the flavor. It's delicious. When I open my eyes again, Haymitch is in front of me.

"Roof." He mouths before taking off again. I wait a few seconds before I start to walk to my roof, taking my hot chocolate with me.

Once I get up there, I see Finnick and Haymitch sat on the edge. I haven't been up here since I tried to kill myself. Actually, I should say Finnick wouldn't let me come up here since I tried to kill myself. "Don't think about trying to hurt yourself again, love." Finnick warns me.

"No, of course not." I take a seat in between two of them, not daring to look over the side. "Now what's going on? I can tell you guys are itching to tell me something." Might as well get to the point.

"She's it. The face of the rebellion." Haymitch says, looking at the crowd below. I study him; his hard eyes, long hair, scruffy beard.

I take a sharp intake of breath, "Katniss?" He nods,"Is this it then?"

"I'm not sure yet. The rebellion will definitely be happening within the next three years, though, so you may want to prepare yourself." Haymitch continues; Finnick is silent.

"This is good, right?" I ask Finnick this time, he just nods. "Then okay, I'll do my best to help."

"No, Gemma, I don't want you to be a part of this, okay?" Finnick says.

"I can help out if I want, Finnick!" I almost shout.

He clamps his hand over my mouth, and his narrowed eyes turn icy cold. "No." He hisses.

I'm suddenly afraid of him, and I just nod, eyes growing wide.

His eyes turn back to normal and he smiles, "Okay then, love." He removes his hand from my mouth, and engulfs me in a huge hug.

I accept it without a second thought. Tomorrow morning I go back to my drugged sex slave life, and I'm not looking forward to it, at all.

"Where's Trixie?" I ask to no one in particular.

"Last I saw she was hanging out with Cato." Haymitch answers.

I just nod; of course she's hanging out with him. I don't trust him for a second; he just wants blood. But I suppose Trixie's adorable-ness can change anything.

"Can I have a drink of that?" Finnick asks me, nodding to my steaming hot chocolate.

"Sure," I pass it to him, and he chugs it back. He hands it back to me and I sip on it again. I mess around with my nails a bit while staring at the roof below me, just thinking about everything.

Haymitch sighs and Finnick asks, "What's wrong, Gem?"

I'm not in the mood to talk right now, so I sink to the ground. I just can't stop thinking about Marigold. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to get away from the image of her death that is haunting my eyes, but it just won't go.

Then Marigold morphs into little 12 year old Zayna. She's lying there, being mauled by that huge black bear, begging me to come help her. But I can't move; I just stand there and watch helplessly.

I'm stuck in a nightmare, unable to open my eyes, and I'm not even asleep. I feel myself start to shake, and I'm screaming out to Zayna, trying to help her. "ZAYNA! I'M COMING!"

She just whimpers for a few moments, until the bear finally rips out her heart. Then she goes silent, but she doesn't die. _But that's impossible, you can't live without a heart. _I try to tell myself. My head keeps her alive though, and she begins to scream this blood curling scream.

"NO!" I scream out over and over.

I feel like someone been shaking me for the past while, and all I hear is a little whisper floating in through my ear. I don't know what they're saying though, it's undetectable.

I'm finally able to ply my eyes open after Zayna has her heart, both arms, and her liver removed from her body.

I'm taking shaky breathes and rocking back and forth, while sobbing my eyes out. "It was so real, Finn.." I whisper as he pulls me onto his lap and cradles me to him.

Haymitch leaves the roof, leaving us alone. "What'd you see?" He asks me, stroking my hair.

"Z-Zayna, but she was… was getting mauled by the-the bear just l-like Marigold did; but-t I couldn't save her and s-she wouldn't die. Her heart… her arms…." I trail off.

"Sh, love, it's okay… sh…" Finnick soothes me. I just continue to whimper and curl up even closer to him.

Like always, he starts telling me little stories to calm me down. This time he's talking about our wedding since the rebellions coming and we can get married.

It's very relaxing, what he does, and I soon fall asleep, right then and there on Finnick's lap.


	4. Chapter 4: Like a bad ass

_Hey guys! New chapter! I'm hoping it's a long one (at least I tried to make it long!).. _

_Anyways, I really can't believe I'm seeing the hunger games on Friday. I'm going to warn you now, prepare yourselves for a BIG rant about how amazing the movie was in Saturdays chapter._

_And Pink MockingJay, I got the headphones at a book store called 'Chapters'. They had all kinds of Hunger Games stuff... it was rather awesome!  
><em>

_So yeah! I hope you like the chapter; I'd love if you'd review! :) _

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

_**"They can't hurt me. I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love."**_

* * *

><p>"Fuck You!" I scream at the man who just shoved me out of his door. I'm clutching the back of my head; it's bleeding horribly. My shirt is half on, and I feel dizzy and nauseous. I start running down the Capitol Street, completely high off of drugs. The sky is a bright pink, and all the trees are blue. I giggle at the sight, completely ignoring my head.<p>

I make it back to the training center, and I can't quite reach the handle on the door. There's 3 of them, and they are all floating. I grab one at random and manage to shove the door open, only to result in me falling flat on my face.

I roll over onto my back, and just lie there; a pool of dark red blood quickly forms under my head, and I can't stop laughing.

"Gemmmmmmaaaaa? Ohhhh mmmmmy gooooddd!" I hear someone shriek. It sounds very morphed and deep, and I can't help but laugh at it. "Arreee yooouuuuu okkkaaaayyyy?" The voice drones on.

I close my eyes, trying to get the colorful room to stop spinning while I laugh.

I hear footsteps that sound like canon fires. Then more people are surrounding me. Their hands are touching me, swarming my body. Then all their fingers come off of their hands and turn into a million little spiders. I scream and try to get them off of me, but they are all over me, covering me. They are all kinds of different colors, they look like a rainbow.

Then it all stops and the world turns black.

…

"Gemma?" Who's voice is that?

"Mh…" I groan, opening my eyes.

"Are you okay?" It's Jolie.

I'm in mine and Finnick's bedroom, and it isn't colorful, thankfully. I clear my throat, "Fine." I'm not though, I feel horrible. I just want to sleep. "What happen?" I reach my hand up to the back of my head where I remember there being blood. I know didn't imagine it, because my head is bandaged.

"You were so high on drugs you passed out down by the main door… you split your head open, Gemma. Does it hurt?"

I completely ignore her question, "Where's Finnick?" I croak.

"He said he had an appointment and that he had to go; but he will be back soon."

"Haymitch?"

"He's in a meeting with most of the other victors… I insisted on staying here with you because I found you…"

So Haymitch is at a meeting with all the other victors about the rebellion, and Finnick is in the middle of being sold. Great. "What time is it?" I ask Jolie.

"Right after lunch." So Marvel and Glimmer are still training.

I push myself onto my elbows, and a wave of nausea comes over me. I close my eyes and put a hand on the side of the bed to try to steady myself before taking one big haul and sitting up. After I'm up I'm fine, and I open my eyes again. "Thanks, Jolie. I'm fine, really."

I leave her staring after me and walk to the dining room to get something to settle my stomach. I wander into the kitchen and grab some salty crackers. I nibble on one as I continue to search the halls.

I run into an avox, and ask him where Haymitch Abernathy is. He takes out a notepad and writes down a room number, so I decide that's where I'm going to go.

The room is number 316, and after awhile I find it. I hear whispers from inside before I knock.

A few seconds later Haymitch opens the door a crack with a smirk on his face, "Hey sweetheart, how are you?"

I roll my eyes and try to push the door open, "Let me in Haymitch." I demand.

"No no no, Finny said no." He slurs, he's obviously drunk. I take one last push at the door with all of my strength, and it flies open. Haymitch stumbles backwards, "Damn…"

I walk in through the room only to find all of the victors gathered around; most everyone is there, including Zayna, besides Finnick, Enobaria, Gloss, Brutus, Cashmere and a few other victors who I don't really know.

Johanna gets up and runs toward me, "Gemma! You aren't supposed to be here! Finnick doesn't want you to be a part of this, you know that!" She hisses.

I'm feeling a little like a bad ass today, so I snort, "Well, do you see Finnick here? Because I don't."

She rolls her eyes and grabs my hand, dragging me over to the bed where I sit in between Chaff and Johanna. "Hey little rebel girl," Chaff says, poking me in the arm.

I giggle while taking another cracker and shoving it in my mouth. I smile at him, I like Chaff. "What's been happening?" I ask him, crumbs falling from my mouth.

"Nothing really, Haymitch here has been trying to tell us for the past hour that Katniss is going to be the face of the rebellion, which is going to-" He gets cut off when a fist comes in contact with his mouth.

I gasp as Johanna removes her hand, "Shut up Chaff! Finnick doesn't want her to know you dumbass!"

I groan, "Who cares! He doesn't have to know! I want to be a part of this guys!" They all exchange glances, and Haymitch is the one to speak first.

"No. Definitely not." He says, crossing his arms and taking on the fatherly role.

"Haystack come on!" I'm about to complain when the door swings open.

"Did I already miss the party?" It's Finnick's voice, I can tell he's smirking. Shit.

I try to hide behind Chaff, who is beside himself in his laughter, but it doesn't work. He's seen me. "GEMMA! What the hell are you doing here! Who told her?" He screams.

I stand up and cross my arms over my chest, "I can be here if I want to be Finn!"

He rushes to my side and starts to touch the bandage wrapped around my head, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up, but you know…" He says gently.

I lean up and kiss him, placing both my hands on his cheeks. When we break apart I look him straight in the eyes, "Please let me be a part of this, Finn… it will give me something to live for. Please."

"Gemma, I'm sorry, no… It's too dangerous. I would never be able to live with myself if something were to happen to you."

Tears well up in my eyes, because I know he's right. But it isn't fair, because I hate President Snow with a burning passion, and I want him to die. I want to be a part of this. I let the tears go, and they fall down my face. The room is silent, all eyes on us, as I whisper, "Please…"

He shakes his head, "No, love, no."

I viciously wipe away the tears and yank myself away from him. I ball up my hands into fists and narrow my eyes at him. "Fine then," I spit. I stomp off towards the door, and he grabs my arm.

"Gemma, wait, I'm-"

"FINNICK! Let me go. Now." I shout at him.

He lets go, and I walk out the door, slamming it shut behind me.

…

"Stop Finnick."

"Gemma, would you just-"

"No. Now go. Please." Marvel takes a seat beside me. "The tributes are here, Finn. We'll talk about this later. Bye." Then I push him in the direction of his table.

"Everything okay?" Marvel asks me.

I sigh, "No, not really Marvel…"

"Well, you wanna talk about it? Me and Glim might be able to help?" God, he's to nice.

"No, you guys have the games to worry about. Don't bother concerning yourselves with me. What do you want to show the game makers tomorrow?"

Then we spend the rest of dinner talking about the gamemakers and their skills. I can feel Finnick's eyes burning into me the whole time. I really wish we weren't fighting; I have another meeting tonight and I'm probably going to need comfort…

Dinner is over, and I'm preparing myself to go meet the lucky man to gets to have me tonight. HA! Like that man is going to be lucky; I'm in such a pissed off mood.

I leave the training center and walk to the car parked outside. I hop into it, only to find a man sitting there.

"Uh… hi?" I say, leaning into the door, trying to get as far away from the man as possible.

"Hello, my lovely. I couldn't wait much longer…" He trails off. He looks strange, with bright blue eyes and neon green hair. He moves closer to me, touching me.

"Um, how about no?" I say, taking his hand and throwing is back over to him.

He laughs, and suddenly he's on top of me, kissing me, right there in the back seat. "Get off! Not here!" I say, pounding my fists into his chest. He chuckles and grabs my hands, only to pin them behind my back. I'm trapped, unable to move.

"No, you do what I say now. We can do whatever I want right here, right now."

…

"See you later, my lovely." The man says, pushing me out of the car. I fall flat on my face, the gravel scraping my neck. My skin crawls at that man's voice; he was a savage. I hope I never see that again, but I doubt that would happen. He didn't even have the decency to wait to go back to his house.

On the plus side, I'm not hurt, besides from the scratch on my neck. I calmly get up and walk inside, straight to the elevator. I press the number four.

I get out of the elevator and walk to Finnick's room; I've thought about it and I'm just going to say sorry. I hate fighting with him.

He's sitting on the bed, and I stop when he sees me. "I'm sorry!" We blurt out at the same time. I run to him and hug him. "I hate fighting with you, Finn..." I whisper.

"Me too… let's just stop, okay?"

I grin at him, "Sure thing, Pretty boy."

…

My district 1 family and I are sat around watching the scores appear on the screen.

"What do you think Rue is going to get mommy? She's going to get a twelve!" Trixie announces excitedly. Glimmer chuckles and starts to braid Trixie's hair into a fishtail braid like she wore everyday during training.

"Well, We'll see now, won't we?" I say with a smile.

Marvel's picture appears on the screen, and he receives a 10. Glimmer gets a 9. We all congratulate them both before the next set of pictures show up. It's Cato and Clove- they both received 10s. 'Woo's and Whistles were spread across the room.

No one else really stood out during the training scores, they were all pretty average. Taylor received an 8, and timothy got a 5. Before district 11 showed up on the screen, Trixie squeals and lunges forward, awaiting Rue.

Rue's picture flashes, and then '7' appears in under her. "Is that good mommy? Is that good?" The truth is, it's okay. It's actually very good for a girl her size and age, but to the bigger careers it's rather bad.

"Wonderful, baby." I say to her.

Then her big district partner, Thresh, I remember his name being, flashes onto the screen. He receives a 9. No wonder, he's gigantic.

Then comes district 12. I'm rather anxious to see what the face of the rebellion receives. Peeta's picture is first though; he gets an 8. Not too bad for a bakers boy.

And then Katniss's picture comes up- she gets an 11. An 11! I haven't seen an 11 given out in such a long time; I wouldn't be able to tell you who received it.

Gasps fill the room, and then silence. Trixie breaks it, "GO KATNISS! GO RUE! GO MARVIE AND GLIMMA AND CATO!" So she has nicknames for our tributes; Marvie and Glimma. Poor thing; she'll be crushed when they die. It's a shame they have to die in order for Katniss to win, it really is. I'll miss having them around.

Marvel ruffles Trixie's hair, "Thanks Trixie. I'll miss you when we're in the arena!"

She throws her arms around his neck, and he hugs her back, "I'll miss you too Marvie! You're a good big brother." She muffles into his shoulder.

Tears well up in my eyes; these two kids are so sweet. I really don't want them to die.

Glimmer reaches over and rubs Trixie's back, "It's okay, Trixie."

They break apart, and Trixie wipes her eyes; she must have been crying. "It's okay, monkey, you don't have to say goodbye yet." I tell her. She crawls back over to my lap where she curls up, tracing the scars on my chest. She mumbles something but I don't quite catch it.

I mock Penelope, "Time for bed, children! Tomorrow is going to be a big, big day!"

All three of them groan, and all of us adult laugh, besides from Penelope of course. She just huffs and storms off out of the room.

I pick Trixie up, and we both walk Marvel and Glimmer to floor one. Trixie gives each of them a hug when we reach their rooms, telling them we'll see them for breakfast.

We reach the elevator again, and Trixie leans over my arms to press the '4' button. "Will Marvie or Glimma come home, Mommy?" She asks me, eyes closing slightly.

I lean down and kiss her forehead, "I don't know, baby… I just don't know."


	5. Chapter 5: The same as Ky

_Hope you all like the chapter! I really wanted to get the games started, so here it is :) Tell me what you thought of Gemma's reaction! Reviews make me happy, you know? :D_

_ Thanks lovelies!_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

**_"You better run now, Fire Girl."_** - Thresh to Katniss

* * *

><p>I'm sat between Finnick and Haymitch in the audience, watching the interviews. Katniss just went; Peeta is coming up. Katniss looked gorgeous, the crowd loved her.<p>

He looks stunning, walking onto the stage. Caesar greets him, and they talk for a bit. I kind of zone out, focusing on the circles I'm smoothing onto the back of Finn's hand.

I start to listen again when I hear Caesar say, "So, Peeta, tell me… is there a special girl back home?"

"No… Not really…" He answers.

"No? I don't believe that for a second, look at that face; handsome man like you! Peeta, tell me?"

"Well… there is this one girl… I… I had a crush on her forever…" My ears perk up at this; I want to find out who this girl is.

"Well, I'll tell you what Peeta. You go out there, and you win this thing, and when you go home she'll have to go out with you… right folks?" Caesar says, turning to the crowd, laughing.

Peeta's pale white, and I can tell he's about to say something drastic. I squeeze Finnick's hand, and he squeezes tightly back.

"Thanks but… I don't think winnings going to help me at all." What is he talking about? Of course winning would help! Any girl would fall head over heels in love with a victor faster than you could snap your fingers; especially someone as good looking as Peeta.

"And Why not?" Caesar presses.

Peeta takes a deep breath and looks to the audience. He catches my eye for one quick second before tearing away and back to Caesar. "Because she came here with me."

I can't breathe. My throat is swollen shut. I open my mouth to say something but only a shriek comes out. Finnick and Haymitch got me up and out of the audience before I can do anything.

I'm breathing heavy and doing all that I can to try to hold in my cries, but to no avail. The tears stream down my face, and soon the sobs take over my body. We aren't out of the audience yet though, and all eyes are on me. Finnick takes one quick look around before grabbing my shoulders and rushing my shaking body along.

All I can think about are my games, and what I went through with Ky. The moment is washing over me, all over again, and I can't take it. I picture the dying, bloody Ky lying in my arms. This poor boy is going to have to go through with this too. But it will be worse for him, because he's in love with her. I wasn't in love with Ky, we were just best friends.

We're in a hall way, and Finnick presses me against the wall so I can't escape. I crumble down the wall until I'm on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. Haymitch and Finnick bend down so they are beside me, trying to comfort me in any way.

"Ky!" I wail. "Ky I'm so sorry!" I bury my face in my knees, completely soaking my skin with my tears. The dress I am wearing has fallen down, revealing all of my thighs, and almost my underwear, but I don't even care; how can I? It's only Haymitch and Finnick anyways.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. Ky knows, it's okay." Haymitch keeps whispering, rubbing my back.

Finnick has plied one of my hands from my legs and is gripping it, kissing the palm. "T-that b-boy i-is going t-to have t-to-" My voice breaks, and I can't continue because of the inhuman sounds being released from my body.

"Sh, baby, it's okay." Finnick whispers to me.

"But he's… Ky!" I just can't get Ky out of my mind right now. I close my eyes, only to be greeted by the never ending nightmare of my past.

"Ky's safe now; it's all over…" Finnick says into my ear, trying to coax me out of this state I'm in.

A while later I seem to have run out of tears, so I just stay in my curled up ball form, shaking and shaking.

My eyes glaze over; I can't handle this poor boy living the life I'm living right now, he's too sweet. Haymitch's voice breaks me from my state, "Hey Sweetheart? Do you want to meet him?"

I suddenly cheer up, "What? I can?"

"Who the hell says you can't?" He says with a chuckle. He grabs my hand and drags me to my feet. Finnick wraps his arm around my waist to keep me from falling and holds my hand with his other.

"You're freezing, here." He says, giving me his jacket. I take it, thanking him, and put my arms in it. It smells like Finnick. It smells like the sea. He places his hands back in their spots, and we follow Haymitch to district twelve's floor.

Once we get there, Haymitch quietly knocks on a door. Peeta opens it, and tears come to my eyes again. "Peeta, someone wants to see you…" Haymitch mumbles. Peeta let's Haymitch in, and he explains the situation before me and Finnick walk in.

He looks so innocent. So innocent and young. I just stand there staring at him for a long time, and he does the same as me. Tears silently slip down my face. "Are you okay, Gemma?" He whispers.

"Fine…" I choke out. I don't know what to say to this boy. I suddenly feel the urge to move forward, so I do. I wrap my arms around him, and he hesitates but then wraps his around me. Despite me being 8 years older than him, he's much bigger. Not quite as big as Finnick, but way bigger than me. I'm quite tiny.

After a while Haymitch tells Peeta he better get some sleep, and that tomorrow is a big day. I nod and release Peeta from my arms. "You be careful, okay? Don't… Just… watch out… don't make the same mistake I did." I whisper.

He looks confused, but he nods. Then Haymitch is pulling me away. "What mistake?" Haymitch whispers in my ear when we are outside the door waiting for Finnick to finish talking to Peeta.

"Winning."

…

_BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!_

_District 3 Female; District 4 Male; District 5 Male; Both from District 6; Both from District 7; District 8 Male; Both from District 9; District 10 Female._

11 Dead. Katniss is on her own, and Peeta joined the careers. I try to send Marvel and Glimmer a mental note to be nice to Peeta while they're picking through the supplies at the cornucopia, but obviously they didn't receive it, because they keep calling Peeta 'Lover Boy'.

I slap Finnick's arm, "What did I say? I told you Timothy would be a bloodbath, didn't I?"

He smirks, "Yeah yeah. Well my jobs done this year." He says, leaning back in his seat.

"Mine too," Johanna chirps from the other side of Finnick.

"Sorry, Jo." I tell her, she just shrugs.

"Go Rue! Go Rue!" Trixie screams as the screen shows Rue hopping through the trees like a bird.

All the victors laugh at Trixie's cute enthusiasm.

"You think she's gonna win, little girl?" Chaff bellows to Trixie.

"Of course!" She says.

"Here, take this now…" I hear Chaff say; I flip my head around to see Chaff handing Trixie a pill that an Avox just gave him. Her Epilepsy pill. She doesn't quite understand what epilepsy is, which sucks, because she's going to be taking those pills all of her life.

She last had an attack (Me and Finnick decided to call them 'attacks' instead of 'seizures' because she said 'seizures' is a scary word) last year, a few days before the reaping. We were on the beach; Me and Finnick were laughing and swimming in the ocean, and she was making sand castles in the sand with Annie.

Next thing we know, we hear Annie screaming about how 'they' got her, and Trixie is lying on the beach with spasms travelling through her body.

We got her to the hospital fast enough though, and she was fine. She was just really scared afterwards. She got back to normal after she got to the capitol with her family though.

She sighs, "But I don't want it!"

Now I decide to cut in, "Trix, don't argue. Now."

Chaff raises his eyebrows and smirks at me being motherly, and I roll my eyes. Trixie murmurs something that I don't catch, but takes the pill. I decide to let it go.

I turn my attention back to the screen, and nothing interesting is happening. Katniss has settled herself up in a tree, and the careers are all lounging around in the mouth of the cornucopia.

The camera zooms in on Marvel and Glimmer, talking. They suddenly make this weird face as they scratch their noses at the same time.

Trixie burst out laughing, "They did it! They did it!" She's screaming.

Finnick joins in on her laughter, "Did what?" He asks.

"I told them to do that signal if they were thinking of me, and they both did it! They miss me!" She says. And as if on cue, Marvel gives a dazzling smile to the sky (Straight at a camera), winks, and then points. Trixie is bubbling over with excitement, she can't contain it.

All of the victors are laughing at her, well, with her, including me.

Even though it's going into the late hours of the night, I'm nowhere near tired, which isn't particularly good considering I have three 'appointments' in the morning. Oh well, I'm sure Snow will give me the drugs anyways.

I curl into myself, and Finnick wraps his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. I stay there, with my head rested on his shoulder, praying that Katniss and Peeta will never meet up in the arena. It would be easier for one of them to die that way.

I don't know how long we stay there in that position, just thinking. My thoughts go over everything that has happened in the past from meeting Carter, to having Trixie, to my games, to meeting Finnick that very first time. We must have been there for a while though, because when I come back to reality me and Finnick are the only ones left in the room. "Where did everybody go?" I ask Finnick.

He shrugs, "To bed, I suppose. I guess that's where we should go?" He asks me, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

I giggle and trace his lips; he growls and bites the tip of my finger. "Ouuu!" I say, snatching my finger back. He laughs and picks me up bridal style. I giggle the whole way up to floor four, and as soon as we're behind his closed door, his lips are pressed against mine, and our articles of clothing hit the floor.


	6. Chapter 6: Death & Dress Up

_Hey guys! _

_Hope you all like the chapter!_

_New one will be posted tomorrow; or if I get 4 reviews tonight I will post it tonight :) _

_The next chapter will be really depressing for Trixie by the way... 'Marvie' and Rue die in the next chapter :(:(:( Sadness..._

_On the plus side THE HUNGER GAMES COMES OUT IN LESS THAN 3 DAYS OMG kjdfnidsjnfgdjsnguosfnoig_

_anyways yeah! I hope you like the chapter, review, lovelies! _

_And to the anon... yep, I have twitter and Tumblr: twitter . com /#!/GamesPeetaLover & meganlucindaxo . tumblr . com/_

_I'd love it so much if you'd follow me! :) xo_

_xXxXx_

**_"Anyway, it's not like an actual Games. Any number of people will survive. We're just overreacting because – well, you know why. You still want to go, don't you?"_**

**_"Of course. I want to destroy Snow as much as you do," he says._**

**_"It won't be like the others," I say firmly, trying to convince myself as well. Then the real beauty of the situation dawns on me. "This time Snow will be a player, too."_**

* * *

><p>"RUN GLIMMA!" Trixie screams at the screen.<p>

"Sh, baby," I say, rubbing her back.

Katniss just dropped a TrackerJacker nest on the careers that were camped out in under her tree she was sleeping in. Cato, Marvel, Clove, and Peeta managed to get away with only a few stings, but Glimmer and Taylor are both being mauled by the swarm.

_BANG! _Taylor's canon goes.

Finnick pulls Trixie to his chest, burying her head so she doesn't have to watch. She begins sobbing and shaking once Glimmer's canon goes off.

_BANG! _

I throw my hand over my mouth and race to the garbage can. The sight of Glimmer's body was disgusting; she's completely swollen and oozing a weird looking pus… She isn't Glimmer anymore, just a hunk of swollen meat.

By the time I go back to sitting down, Peeta is pushing Katniss out of the area after she got Glimmer's silver bow and arrow. Katniss manages to stumble away, and it shows her falling into a bush; but Peeta isn't so lucky. Big bulky Cato swipes his knife across the top of his thigh. He cries out in pain and Cato laughs while trying to run away.

Peeta falls to the ground and I wince at the sound. But then he slowly gets up and begins to crawl away. After that, most of the tributes pass out from the attack, so now it's my time to calm Trixie.

I try to coax her out of Finnick's shoulder, but her little shuddering body stays planted there. Finnick wraps his arms around her while he shakes his head, telling me to back off and give them a minute. I nod and pull away as Finnick starts using his magic of words to try to cheer Trixie up.

I look to my other side, "Damn Haymitch; she's a smart one," I hiss.

He chuckles to himself and nods.

Earlier today the game makers decided to light up the arena a bit, with fire, in honour of the girl on fire. Most of the career victors thought it was absolutely hilarious, including Brutus and Enobaria, but I thought it was just cruel. She didn't want to be famous for being the girl on fire; that was her stylist's fault.

"Mommy?" Trixie interrupts my thoughts when she crawls onto my lap.

"You okay, baby?" I ask her, wiping her bangs out of her tear soaked face. She mumbles something. "Remember what I told you last year? After Lettie passed away? She's in a better place now; a place filled with everything she could ever want…" I tell her.

Lettie was the girl tribute from one last year. She was only 12, but she made it to the final four. Then she was killed by the tribute from 9. Before the games began, Lettie and Trixie were together every second they could be. Once Lettie died, Trixie was absolutely crushed; she cried for hours and hours in my lap.

So, I simply told her that when you die, you go to this beautiful place In the sky, where you can meet new friends and have anything you could possibly dream of. This answer satisfied her, and she stopped her crying. She was still crushed of course, but she got over it eventually.

"I know Mommy, but… but…" She says, trying to find something to say. I lean down and kiss her nose before I wipe her tears with my thumb.

I secretly elbow Haymitch, and he receives the message. "Where's my daughter?" He yells, standing up and stretching.

Trixie giggles, her mind leaving Gemma and focusing on Haymitch now. "I'm right here, I'm right here!"

Haymitch laughs and picks her up from my lap, tickling her in the process. She bursts out laughing and Haymitch makes an evil sounding 'Muah ha ha' before saying, "I got you now!" Then he runs out of the room, and goes to I don't know where.

Finnick slides closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "How is she?"

"She's better now that she's with Haymitch, I think. He can always cheer her up. Thanks for talking to her; you're a great daddy." I say, smiling up at him.

He smirks and looks back to the screen; nothing is happening really. Rue is jumping from tree to tree, getting a good look at the lake; The careers are all passed out from the stings, and so are Katniss and Peeta. The rest of the tributes are scattered around the arena.

"Fiiiinnniiiickkkkk…." I pout, touching my forehead to his shoulder, "I'm bored."

He laughs loudly, "How old are you? Like, four?"

"Well, yeah, obviously." I say, jumping up from my seat, "Come on, let's go do something."

He stands up and grabs my hand, "Like what, babe?"

"OH!" And idea pops into my head, "Let's go shopping! We got to keep up with all the hip Capitol fashion, you know."

I wink at him and he bursts out laughing, "Well, alright then!"

…

Hours later we return. We think all the victors were in need of a laugh, so we went out and got complete capitol makeovers.

Or should I say, extreme. We look _ridiculous_.

We went to the hair salon first. Well, it's not really a salon, it more of a beauty products store. First thing we got were wigs; mine if very bright neon green that must be a foot high off my head, and Finnicks' is blue, almost like Caesar Flickermans. Then we went and we got temporary skin dye, which we applied to each other afterwards.

My skin is now pink, and Finn's is purple.

Next up was the fake tattoos; Finnick didn't want any of these, but I was all for it… so now my face is pink and covered in a tattoo that looks like vines are covering me.

So after the wigs, dye, and tattoos, it was time to move onto the clothes.

We walked around the capitol (not a single person recognised us!) in our costumes, and went into a big fancy store. They workers there complemented us on our appearances, too. Awesome.

Anyways, I tried on tons and tons of dressed for Finnick, and he finally settled on a very short, very puffy, neon green one that is the same color of my hair. I got knee high leopard printed boots to go with it, because I'm that awesome.

Then Finnick tried on a bunch of stuff, but we finally picked out a bright orange suit that is full of jewels and ruffles, with a yellow shirt underneath and a red bowtie. I personally thought we looked wonderful; but Finnick thought we looked like a rainbow.

I'm kidding… we are two of the most ugly looking creatures I have ever seen. We would not survive the capitol life.

Right now we are standing right outside the victors lounge door; everyone is in there, we made sure of it. I look Finnick up and down, and I really can't recognise him. I look even more different.

Finnick breathes, "1…2…3" And we slowly open the door. We walk in and no one says a word to us, they just all give us weird stares.

I begin to giggle, but Finnick elbows me, warning me to play it cool.

We walk over to Haymitch and I put on my capitol accent. I tap on his shoulder from behind, "Um, excuse me kind sir, are you Haymitch Abernathy?"

He has no idea that this is me. I'm doing all I can not to burst out laughing. He raises an eyebrow, "Yeah, I'm Haymitch. What can I do for you?"

I slide a tiny notebook out from my bra, "I'm a huuuge fan of yours, and I was just wondering if I could have your autograph?"

He snorts, "Yeah sure. I thought everyone here at the Capitol hated me, though?"

This time Finn speaks, "Oh, no no no! Everyone loooves you here!" Wow, where did that voice come from?

Haymitch eyes Finnick as he scribbles on the notepad, he gives it back to me, "Here you go. What were your names, anyways?"

Oh no, I'm not good at thinking on the spot. I turn to Finnick to help and he covers, "Well, I am lord sexymith and this is my darling fiancé Lady sexymith."

I have to bite my tongue. Sexymith? Good Job Finnick, no one will buy that! But surprisingly, Haymitch do. "Well, my lord and lady, what are you doing here in the victors lounge?"

Every single victor is looking at us, and I burst out laughing. I can't contain it anymore.

"I…I'm Gemma, Haystack!" I scream in between my laughs.

Everyone in the room bursts out laughing hysterically, and I take off my wig so they can see my hair. Haymitch is bent over, clutching his stomach.

We stay this way for at least another 15 minutes.

"Is that you Odair?" Haymitch finally says.

Finnick smirks, "Obviously!"

"I can't believe you two died your skin! And Gemma you got a tattoo!" He screams.

"It's all fake, Haystack! It washes off!" Then I tell the room of victors the whole thing.

It takes me about a half hour, because of all the laughing.

Then we all become serious again; Finnick has to go shower, because he has another appointment in a few hours, and I take a seat besides Chaff on the couch, watching the games.

They are all still passed out from the TrackerJackers… but I do notice one thing, Rue is up in the tree next to Katniss, watching her.


	7. Chapter 7: This just got real

_Hey guys! I had to get this out tonight, I want you all to read it xD I think it's a rather sweet chapter... what do you think? _

_Anyways I hope you like it!_

_OH! Did you guys see all of the spoiler pictures for the movie? I seriously cried for like a half hour. Rues death... the cave scene... them sleeping together... them kissing... them on the roof... SO MUCH! THERES JUST SO MUCH! so yeah, I spent a half hour of my day crying over some pictures... I'm going to be a utter mess in the theater, oh my god. _

_I do not own the hunger games or this song!_

xXxXx

**_"Here's some advice. Stay alive," says Haymitch, and then bursts out laughing._**  
><strong><em>I exchange a look with Peeta before I remember that I'm having nothing more to do with him. I'm surprised to see the hardness in his eyes. He generally seems so mild. <em>**  
><strong><em>'That's very funny,' says Peeta. Suddenly, he lashes out at the glass in Haymitch's hand. It shatters on the floor, sending the bloodred liquid running toward the back of the train. 'Only not to us.' <em>**  
><strong><em>Haymitch considers this a moment, then punches Peeta in the jaw, knocking him from his chair. <em>**  
><strong><em>When he turns back to reach for the spirits, I drive my knife into the table between his hand and the bottle, barely missing his fingers. I brace myself to deflect his hit, but it doesn't come. Instead, he sits back and squints at us. <em>**  
><strong><em>'Well, what's this?' says Haymitch. 'Did I actually get a pair of fighters this year?"<em>**

* * *

><p>I watch the screen as Rue helps Katniss with her stings; they are in an alliance now.<p>

Trixie is not very happy with this alliance. At all.

"No! Rue! Don't be friends with her! She killed my Glimma!" She's saying to the screen as if someone can hear her. Trixie doesn't understand that she had to kill Glimmer to survive; she's too young. To her this is all just a game… just like it is to the capitolians.

They are eating, and the screen flashes to Peeta; he's dragged himself to a bank of water, and surrounding the bank is mud. He smiles as he lowers himself into it. He is completely covered, and I can't even see him anymore. I'm surprised he's still breathing, he's that camouflaged.

Then it goes back to Katniss and Rue who are curled up in a sleeping bag together. They are talking about some plan to blow up the careers food or something.

Then all the tributes are asleep again, and it's boring. I showered off all of the dye a while ago, but the tattoos are still on. They will be left on for a few more days; and to be honest I think that they actually look cool. Not that I would ever tell anyone that, of course.

…

Katniss is blown off her feet, long… long distances. I'm scared she's going to crack her back, or her skull, so I grab at Finnick's hand. The game makers predicted something dramatic would happen today, so they let me and Finn be appointment free for this one day.

She lands on the ground with a great big thud, and she just lies there for a few minutes. The screen flashes to Rue who is hopping from tree to tree as fast as her little legs can carry her to try to get away from the careers who are close on her trail.

Once she finds a good enough tree she slivers up the branches and hides in the leaves until she is completely hidden. The careers run past her tree without a second though.

Then it shows Peeta, still completely hidden in the mud, sleeping. He never heard a thing.

It shows a map of where the tributes are in the arena, and the careers are headed straight for Katniss.

Uh oh.

They round a corner; they only have to keep going straight for a while and she's there, in the open, defenceless.

She keeps touching her ear, it's bleeding. I don't think she can hear from it. She manages to crawl over into some low brush, completely hidden thankfully, where she falls asleep.

…

I'm curled up in Finn's arms as we anxiously watch Katniss walk around, in look for Rue. Rue is running on the ground trying to find Katniss.

Trixie I on my other side, squat between me and Haymitch, giggling at something. And that's when we hear it.

"KATNISS!" Someone screams from the screen. It's Rue. Oh no.

She's caught in a net; Marvels net. Trixie is confused as to whats going on, and Rue yells out again.

"KATNISS!"

But Katniss is close by, and she takes of running towards her, "I'M COMING RUE!" She screams back.

Katniss keeps running and running as Rue tries to escape the net; the whole victor's room is chaos.

Then, as soon as Katniss breaks into the clearing to see Rue caught, Marvel throws a spear straight through Rue's fragile little body.

And Katniss shoot's an arrow through Marvel's neck. No.

_BANG!_

The first thing I do after this incident is turn to Trixie. Her bottom lip is quivering, and she's stunned. "M-Marvie?" She whispers.

"Trixie, baby, it's okay," I whisper, rubbing her arm.

She yanks her arm away from me, and she begins to cry. She covers her face with her hands as the sobs take her. I try to comfort her, but she just yanks away and stands up, running away.

"Trixie!" I scream out after her as I jump up, ready to chaise her.

"Don't, let her go..." Finnick whispers, grabbing my arm and keeping me from going.

She's just outside the door, sat on the floor, sobbing her little eyes out. I don't know what to do besides let her get it all out and morn for her Marvie and Rue.

I look back to the screen, and it's showing Katniss singing with the dead Rue in her lap, _"Here is the place… where I love you…"_

_BANG!_

Now this is making me cry, and I jump into Finnick's arms and begin to cry along with all the other females in the room. After Katniss stops singing, I look back up, and she's giving a deathly stare into the camera. All I can see is pure pain and hatred.

Then she gets up, and walks a few steps to a flower bush. "What is she doing?" I whisper.

Finnick gasps, realizing. Then Katniss tugs up the flowers, and walks back over to Rue. But then it gets cut off, and it flashes back to the other careers who are cursing their heads off.

Moments later it flashes back to Rue and Katniss. Rue is covered in flowers. She's beautiful, peaceful. I let out a cry, and Finnick tries to comfort me. Katniss does her three finger salut to Rue, "Bye Rue," She whispers.

Then, ever so slowly, I raise a very shaky hand and do the same. I bring my fingers to my lips, and then extend them to the screen, tears flooding my face. I look around the room, and to my surprise, every single other person is doing it too.

And now I'm gasping for air; this is too much. There is too much pain in the room right now, it's choking me. It's like I'm bleeding tears from my eyes, and no matter what I do I just can't get it to stop. I fall to the floor and curl up in a ball, trying to block out everything, when a song comes to me. I begin to sing, thinking no one is paying any attention to me curled up in a ball talking to myself.

"_I miss you  
>Miss you so bad<br>I don't forget you  
>Oh it's so sad<em>

_I hope you can hear me_  
><em>I remember it clearly<em>

_The day you slipped away_  
><em>Was the day i found<em>  
><em>It won't be the same<em>  
><em>Oh<em>

_I didn't get around to kiss you  
>Goodbye on the hand<br>I wish that I could see you again  
>I know that I can't ooooooooooooh<br>I hope you can hear me  
>Cause I remember it clearly<em>

_The day you slipped away_  
><em>Was the day i found<em>  
><em>It won't be the same<em>  
><em>Oh<em>

_I've had my wake up_  
><em>Won't you wake up<em>  
><em>I keep asking why<em>  
><em>And I can't take it<em>  
><em>It wasn't fake it<em>  
><em>It happened you passed by<em>

_Now you're gone_  
><em>Now you're gone<em>  
><em>There you go<em>  
><em>There you go<em>  
><em>Somewhere I can't bring you back<em>  
><em>Now you're gone<em>  
><em>Now you're gone<em>  
><em>There you go<em>  
><em>There you go<em>  
><em>Somewhere you're not coming back<em>

_The day you slipped away_  
><em>Was the day i found<em>  
><em>It won't be the same"<em>

I feel better after I sing, so I open my eyes and look up. Every single eye is on me, watching me, listening to me. My cheeks burn instantly, and I find Finnick. He's giving me a very sad smile as he walks over to me.

Once he's here he crouches down and whispers, "That was beautiful, my love. They're in a better place now…"

I nod once, and numbly stand up. Trixie hasn't moved from her position, but she is only sobbing silently now.

I tell Finnick I'll be right back, and I walk over to her. She needs her mom right now. I slide down the wall and sit next to her, "Hey, Baby…"

She looks up at me, and her eyes are red and puffy, "My Marvie's dead, mommy!" She whispers.

I wrap my arm around her shoulder's and she leans her head on my shoulder, "But now he's up in the sky with Glimmer, and Rue, and Lettie, and Ky, and everyone else, right?" I tell her.

She gives me a tiny smile, "I bet they are all having a party with lots of ice cream and oreos and hot chocolate…"

I grin, "I bet they are. And don't worry, you'll meet them again someday… and you can always talk to them when you go to sleep, in your dreams." I remind her, nudging her arm. "Now come on, let's go see daddy, hey?"

I stand up, and pull her up with me. We walk back into the room as the alarm goes off, signalling something is about to happen.

Finnick catches my eye just as Claudius announces that there has been a rule change.

Both tributes from the same district will be declared winners if they are the last two alive. Both can live.

Katniss and Peeta can both live.

_This just got real._


	8. Chapter 8: She's just so pure

_Omg guys… read this and tell me what you think (I found it on tumblr). I found it a few days ago, and I just reread it then and started sobbing my eyes out once again. I can't help but think of Josh Hutcherson: maytheodds . tumblr . com /post/19591136398/theres-going-to-come-a-day-when-weve-all-grown-up_

_I swear I cry at least 6 times a day._

_It's not my fault that I have a problem._

_ANYWAYS… besides from that sad way to start a chapter, anyone who follows me on tumblr or twitter I will follow back! Just send me a message saying you found me on fanfiction and I'll follow you :)_

_Meganlucindaxo . tumblr . com/ & twitter . com /#!/GamesPeetaLover_

_Now onto the actual chapter. I'm sorry if it sucks, I'm kinda writing it while I'm crying. But yeah, I hope you all like it anyhow!_

_Read and Review, lovelies :)_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

**_"District 12, where you can starve to death in safety."_**

* * *

><p>"PEETA!" Katniss shouts out before she can stop herself.<p>

Bad move Katniss; the careers heard her. The screen flashes to them, and Cato puts his hand up for silence, "Shut up!" He screams.

Luckily Katniss knows this was a bad move, because she clamps her hand over her mouth; I can't even hear her breath. The careers take off walking in the opposite way of Katniss, and she decides she is going to go back to sleep until day light, when she will look for Peeta.

After she goes to sleep, the screen flashes back to a smirking Cato and Clove. "Looks like lover boy has a chance after all if she finds him…" Clove says.

"No; they are both weak. I know where I cut him. If he isn't dead by now he must be pretty damn close. We can win this, Clo." Cato tells her, taking a step towards her.

She rolls her eyes and smirks at him before walking away. He sighs and follows after her; they don't talk anymore.

I look around the room; Trixie is slumped over in her spot on the floor, asleep. Haymitch nudges me, "Want me to take her up?" He asks me.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks Hay." I tell him. He gives me a kind smile and walks over to her. He mumbles something and she nods in her sleepy state before standing up. She stumbles a bit, so Haymitch just picks her up and walks out of the room.

An avox walks into the room, holding a note out for me. I quickly snatch it from her, shooing her away. The note is from my best friend, President Snow, telling me I have to leave to meet some clients very shortly. _Way to give me some notice, Snowy._

…

"Ughhhhhh…" I groan, walking back into the training center. I'm just getting back, and the sun is rising. I've been going for all night, and I'm dropping tired; I wish I could sleep but these stupid drugs are keeping me awake.

I find the victors lounge and walk in, holding my head. Someone grabs my arm and rushes me along but I wince. I look up to see Haymitch once again, "You okay?" He asks me.

I snort, "My god, Haymitch. I've had sex like 7 times tonight; a girl can only go so long without being a bit sore." Then for good measure I bring my hand up and tap his cheek before waddling to my couch.

He catches up with me, "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

I cock my head to the side and look at him weirdly, "Haymitch Abernathy wants to help? Since when?" He takes a sip of his bottle and raises an eyebrow. I sigh, "Get me a bottle would you? Maybe the alcohol will help."

He shuffles away to get me a drink, and I collapse onto the couch with a moan. Finnick is here in an instant, and I peek an eye open. He lifts my feet, sits down, and puts them back on his lap.

Haymitch returns with the bottle, and I try to snatch it greedily, "Oh No! Alcohol will just make it worse, love." Finnick tells me, reaching for the spirits.

"Oh I don't think so. " Then I chug it back. I hear him sigh, and once it's finally gone I wipe my mouth with my sleeve. It burned going down, and I can feel the effects immediately; it's certainly strong stuff. "Hell, Haymitch, what is that?" I say.

He just laughs and walks away, and I try to scrape my tongue free of the taste. It doesn't work though, of course, so I just lie back again.

I look at the screen, and Katniss is finally waking up. She's setting out to find Peeta, and she has quite a long ways to go.

I close my eyes, for what feels like a second, but when I open them again Katniss is shouting Peeta's name. "How long have I been out?" I nudge Finnick.

"Few hours, look!" He says, pointing at the screen.

"Come to finish me off, sweetheart?" Peeta says.

Haymitch laughs incredibly loud at this. Which makes me laugh. Which makes Finn laugh. Which makes Trixie (Who is now sitting next to Finnick) laugh. Which makes most of the other victors laugh. It's like a chain reaction.

We watch in silence as the reunite; Trixie is not liking Katniss at all, after her killing Marvel, so she keeps saying that Peeta shouldn't love her because he's the nice one and Katniss is just a mean girl. Oh the insults of an 8 year old.

Katniss takes off each article of his clothing, bit by bit, and I tell Finnick to cover Trixie's eyes after a while. Katniss seems like the type that is embarrassed by nudity though, so I doubt anything will happen, but just to be sure. "Hey!" Trixie complains.

"Sh," Finnick says. After Katniss tells Peeta to cover himself up with her bag so she can wash his boxers, all of the victors, including Finnick and Johanna burst out laughing. I don't get it.

"What's so funny?" Me and Trixie asks at the same time. Because Peeta is covered up, Finnick slides his hands from Trixie's eyes to her ears.

"She's just so pure. All of us victors could care less about nudity- Johanna goes around naked sometimes, even, and well, everyone has seen me on the_… adult_ channels I'm sure. But it's just so funny because she's weirded out by it."

I burst out laughing now, clutching my stomach, because it's so true. I've seen pretty much all of my victor family naked at some point of time; and I'm sure they've seen me. Yes I was probably knocked out from drugs or to beaten to care but it still counts.

"That's true!" I tell him. He uncovers Trixie's ears and she sends a death glare at me. I raise an eyebrow, "Excuse me, Little Monkey, but what's with the glaring?"

She huffs, crosses her arms, and then slouches in her seat. I shake my head and look back to the screen.

Poor Katniss looks green having to get the pus out of Peeta's leg. "Can't you send them something?" I ask Haymitch.

"Not yet…" He whispers, clearly focused on his tributes.

I sigh and slip my eyes closed again, not wanting to watch anymore.

…

My eyes shoot open as their lips meet. A long, hot, passionate kiss. "Ou la la!" Finnick jokes. Even though I'm still half asleep I punch his arm.

"What'd I miss?" I ask, wiping my eyes.

"They found a cave, and they've been kissing, and Haymitch sent Peeta broth, and well yeah, Peeta's dying." Finnick says.

"WHAT?" I shout, shooting up. I can see Trixie physically jump from my voice, "Sorry…" I mumble.

"He has blood poisoning. Relax, Gemma." Haymitch cuts in.

"RELAX!" I'm suddenly furious. I jump up and stomp over to Haymitch, who sits back in his seat, smirking. "How the hell can I relax if this poor boy is dying from poison! You have to do something! Stop being a lazy drunk and get off your ass to help this boy! Send him medicine! They need to win!"

He laughs at me, and I slap him straight across the face, fuming. Finnick is up and pulling me away as I shout curse words at Haymitch. I see him stand up and glare at me as Finnick pins me against the wall. I try to fight him, "Let me go!" I seethe, but he just gets tighter. I stop and go limp, "Ouch, Finn, you're hurting me."

He loosens his grip a bit, but not enough to free myself. "Did you take your meds lately, Gemma?"

I think about It for a second and then I remember I haven't. I bite my lip, "Yes?"

"Don't lie to me. Dammit." He says, releasing me. "You move you die!" He says, jokingly.

I give him a cheeky grin as he calls an avox over to get me my pill. The avox returns in a few seconds and Finnick is demanding my mouth open, "Open." I open my mouth and he lays it on my tongue. Then my jaw snaps shut. "Swallow it. Don't even think about hiding it under your tongue." Dammit, that's what I was going to do. I sigh and swallow the pill, calming down instantly. "Better, love?" I nod dumbly, "Now go say sorry to Haymitch."

I roll my eyes and grab his hand; if I'm going over there he's coming with me. "How's your.. uh… face?" I ask Haymitch.

He makes a mocking face at me, rubbing his cheek, "Fine, I suppose."

"Sorry… I just…" I mumble, looking to the ground.

"Hey, I know, Gem. Don't worry about it." I look up again to find him smiling at me.

"But you really should send them something?" I joke.

He just snorts and turns back to the screen.

Finnick pulls me to him, "I have to go see a client, love. Stay out of trouble for once. Would you?"

I snort, "Yeah, yeah… We'll see, pretty boy."


	9. Chapter 9: Feast of blood

_Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I'm surprised I even updated today; mostly because I am going crazy waiting for the hunger games movie. Only 6 hours left until I see it, and I'm so excited! I'm finding it very hard to contain it now. Did any of you see it yet?_

_Anyways, I hope you like the chapter! Review? :)_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

**_"There are much worse games to play..."_**

* * *

><p>In order to 'Stay out of trouble' I decide I'm going to call Annie to see how she's doing. Normally you aren't allowed to make phone calls home, but my dear friend President Snow said Annie is an exception because she is a mentally unstable victor, just like myself.<p>

"H-hello?" I hear Annie's voice whisper. She's obviously terrified, because I'm calling from a capitol number.

"Annie, it's okay, it's Gemma. How are you doing?"

"Did they get you Gemma?" She whispers again.

I sigh, "No, I'm fine."

I can feel her brighten up on the other end of the phone, "Good. I went swimming with Marina yesterday, Gem!"

"That's great, I wish I could have went with you two. Is Marina there with you now?"

"Yep, she's here!"

"Can I speak to her for a second, please?"

I hear Annie yell out Marina's name and then Marina's voice is on the line, "Hello?"

"Hey Ina, it's Gemma. How's Annie?"

She sighs; that's not good. "When she's in the water she's fine… but she keeps thinking that they are going to get us. I try to take her to the beach as much as I can…" She trails off.

"Thanks… I'm glad you're helping her. There's an avox here rushing me off of the phone, so I have to go. Tell Annie I said I'll see her soon. Love you two."

"Love you too." That's how all of us victors end our phone conversations, with 'I love you'. Cause I mean, you never know what day is going to be your last… There's no way to tell what's going to happen, who's going to get hurt…

I hang up the phone and walk back over to the couches. I missed something important, I know it. I go up to Wiress who is holding Trixie by the hand. "Wiress, what happen?"

In a hushed voice she says, "There's going to be a feast…"

My eyes widen and I run over to my spot on the couch next to Haymitch, who is apparently on Gemma watch duty according to Finnick. If I do anything that I'm not supposed to do, Haymitch is supposed to run and tell Finnick. I feel like a 10 year old.

"What feast?" I ask him.

"The game makers saw how badly Peeta's leg was, so they are going to hold a feast so each tribute can get something they desperately need. You okay now, sweetheart? Peeta's going to get his leg all better." He says the last sentence child like, so it comes out like 'Pweeta's going to gwet his weg aw betta'.

I role my eyes, "Thank god. It's about time."

I look up at the screen only to see that Peeta is protesting about Katniss going to the feast. He's telling her that if she goes he'll go and get himself killed.

Haymitch huffs in fusteration and walks over to the parachute stand. I follow closely behind, "What are you going to send them?"

"Sleep syrup…" He groans. He plugs the code into the machine, and then waits until the exact moment Kantiss is outside of the cave to send it.

She receives it, and she's confused for a minute. "Come on Katniss, you know what it is…" Haymitch whispers. Katniss takes a drop and puts it on her tongue and then it clicks to her. She looks into the sky and smiles, and I know it's meant for Haymitch.

She finishes mashing up some ingredients, and then she adds the syrup. She waddles back into the cave, and I feel arms encircle my waist. I start to panic, thrashing around, not knowing who it is.

"Gemma Gemma calm down! It's okay, it's only me!" Finnick voice. I sigh as my heart rate goes down, then I flip around to face him.

I smack him hard in the chest, "Don't sneak up on me like that!" I scream at him.

He smirks and bends down to kiss me, "Sorry…" He mumbles into my mouth.

We finally break apart and I see Katniss feeding Peeta the berries. He claims that it is sweet and unusual, but he believes it… until the last mouth full. He's about to throw it all up when Katniss clamps her hand on his mouth.

He's forced to swallow it, and then he drifts off into sleep.

"If you ever did that to me, I'd kill you in your sleep." I grumble to Finnick.

"Oh please; you'd thank me, gorgeous." He says, taking my hand in his.

"Whatever. I talked to Annie earlier, you know."

His eyes brighten a bit, "Oh, really? How's she doing?"

"Fine, I guess. She said she went swimming with Marina yesterday. Then I talked to Marina a bit, and she said Annie is no better unless she's in the water."

Finnick's normal smirk drops. "Oh."

"Yeah… How was your woman?"

He snorts, "She was a big fat thing. Purple skin, tattoo covered, yellow eyes. Quite the sight."

I burst out laughing at this, and so does Haymitch. Trixie runs over and climbs in under our arms so she's between us. "What's so funny!" She demands.

I bend down and kiss her forehead, "Nothing, sweetie. How has your day been going?"

"Great! Me and Wiress went shopping and then we went and got hot chocolate and cookies!"

I smile at my little girls excitement, "Oh did you? I'm glad you had fun."

She wiggles out from between us and she struts over to Haymitch. He isn't doped into the games now, because nothing interesting is happening. They are all just walking towards the cornucopia; some of them got a long ways to go. "Hey Hay." She says, pulling herself onto his lap.

He is unusually sober, and he doesn't stink at the moment. He put his arms around her, and she leans her head on his shoulder. "Hey, sweetheart, I haven't seen you in a while."

I really don't know why Haymitch won't have kids; he's actually a great father figure. He's wonderful with Trixie! "I know, I know. I've been busy! I got places to go to and people to see!" She says with a giggle.

He laughs at this, "Who could you possibly have to see?"

"All of my _clients._" She says. Wait… Clients? No Trixie No.

Haymitch stops, stunned, along with all the other victors who were listening. Me and Finnick are knelt at her side in an instant. "What did you just say?" Finnick asks her.

She giggles, "I see all of my clients every day, daddy! Just like you!"

My eyes widen and I stare at Finnick, "What do you mean, darling?" He asks her.

"Well, I always hear you and mommy talking about your clients; so you're a business man, right? You have your clients you have to see, and I have mine! Like Wiress and Enobaria and Beetee!"

The poor thing, she has no idea. I don't know what to do. Should we tell her? She's too young, she wouldn't understand. Or do we let her go on believing that Finnick is a business man. "You're right, I am a business man. But I don't want you to use that word 'Client' any more, okay?"

Her smile fades and she whines, "Whyyyyyy?"

Haymitch cuts in, "Don't whine to your father. Listen to him." Then he starts to tickle her stomach and she burst out laughing, "Are you going to listen to him and not use that word anymore?"

She's gasping from laughing so hard, but she manages to say, "Fine, fine! I promise! Stop Haymitch!"

"Good girl." Then he stops but she continues laughing.

I sigh and drag Finnick over to a couch in the far corner of the room. After we are sitting down I lean up to his ear, "When are we going to tell her?" I breath.

"Not yet… when she's older." He says back.

I nod, and turn my attention back to the screen. They all just got to the Cornucopia and an alarm is going off. The girl from 5, I don't remember her name, runs out super fast and grabs her backpack, darting away before anything can happen.

Katniss is next; she makes a run for her back pack, but the girl from 2, Clove, flicks a knife in her direction. She makes it to the backpacks and grabs her tiny one, sliding it down her wrist, right before Clove reaches her and pins her to the ground. She flaunts her many knives and slowly takes one from her jacket.

I'm on the edge of my seat watching, and Finnick grips my shoulders. "We're going to kill you. Just like we did with your pathetic little ally... what was her name? The one hopped around in the trees? Rue? Well first Rue, then you, and I think we'll let nature take care of Lover Boy. How does that sound?" Clove says to Katniss.

I can see Katniss fuming, and she says something about Peeta coming to save her right now. They bicker back and forth for a few seconds until Clove finally starts to impact pain on Katniss. She decides on her lips is the best place to start.

She is going to butcher her. Katniss's death is going to be just as bad as mine almost was. My hand flies down to the smiley face on my stomach, and the many scars making beautiful designs across my skin. I go back to that day, and I shiver.

Finnick brings me back to reality, though, right when the big guy from 11 throws Clove off of Katniss.

Katniss is stunned by Thresh's act of kindness, and Clove is shaking like a leaf. "What'd you do to that little girl? You kill her?" Thresh demands the answer out of Clove.

"No! No it wasn't me!" Clove screeches out.

"_You said her name. I heard you. You kill her? You cut her up like you were going to cut up this girl here?" Thresh says._

_"No! No I- CATO!" She cuts herself off from screaming out Cato._

_It shows Cato on the screen now, and he stops straight in his tracks, trying to decide if he was imagining that or not._

_"CATO!" Clove screams again._

_He decides it's real, and he takes off full speed in the direction of Clove's voice, "CLOVE!" _

_Then it goes back to Thresh and what he does stuns me. He takes a huge rock, and smashes it down on Cloves temple. There's no blood, but you can certainly see the dent in her skull, and I know she's dead. There's nothing anybody could do to save her switching body now._

_Thresh turns back around to the trembling Katniss, "What she mean? About Rue being your ally?"_

_"I-I-we teamed up. Blew up the supplies. I tried to save her, I did. But he got there first. District One," Katniss says._

_"And you killed him?" Thresh demands, taking a step closer to Katniss._

_"Yes. I killed him. And buried her in flowers. And I sang her to sleep." The tears drip down my cheeks, and I'm trying to contain my sobs, thinking about Rue's death._

_Thresh looks confused for a second, "To sleep?" _

_"T-to death… I sang until she died… your district sent me bread," Katniss says. I can see the tears building in her eyes too._

_What seems like dozens of emotions flicker on Thresh's face. He's trying to decide on what to do, "Just this one time, I let you go. For the little girl. You and me, we're even then. No more owed. You understand?"_

_That is the nicest thing I have ever seen in these games. I let the sobs take me, and I bury my face in my hands. I can feel Finnick rubbing my back, but I just can't bring myself to care anymore. Thresh has such a nice heart; I really don't want him to die. _

_I don't hear what anyone else says on the screen for the next few minutes, because I'm just focusing on trying to even out my breathing, not that it's working._

_I curl up against Finn's chest, and he wraps his arms around me so I don't fall. "I-I don't want him to die Finn!" I wail._

_"Sh… I know… sh…" He says, stroking the hair out of my wet face._

_After a while I finally look up to the screen, and Katniss has just made it back to the cave. Cato has just finished mourning Clove's death at her side, and now he's running in the direction of the field in search of Thresh. It's very clear that he was revenge on Thresh for killing Clove. _

_I would do the same._

_Katniss passes out in the cave, and Peeta is still sleeping. The girl from five is buried in the brush, nibbling on some berries and leaves. Cato is out hunting Thresh, who is bellowing through the fields._

_Five left. Who's going to win?_


	10. Chapter 10: Not Fair at all

_Okay guys… I went to the hunger games, and I have such the inspiration to write. But first I am going to spill my feeling out about the hunger games. *SPOILERS – IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE PLEASE DO NOT READ!* _

_First of all, every single minute that Haymitch and Effie were on the screen I was laughing. Woody and Elizabeth play them so well that it hurts. I just couldn't stop laughing at the two of them, I love them so much._

_Second of all, the ending BROKE MY HEART! Poor Cato! I could not stop crying. I actually love Alexander Ludwig just as much as Josh Hutcherson, and he played Cato so good! I could not stop squealing whenever I saw him and my friend started to get pissed off with me (she never read the books!)._

_Third of all, it was an AMAZING MOVIE AND I AM SPEECHLESS! But… I am kind of disappointed of some parts. The cast is absolutely AMAZING! And Gary Ross did such a good job with the movie, but he left out SO MUCH! Some of my favorite lines, that were also very important, were left out! Like what about Effie talking about how Pearls are made? And what about 'Come to finish me off, sweetheart?' ? And like, Katniss didn't even have a sleeping bag! (Yes I know that that's not really a big deal but it is to me!) OMG THERES SO MUCH!_

_Fourth of all, I felt so bad for Gale, like when they showed his face while they were kissing? So bad._

_Fifth of all, I found it awful how they didn't include Haymitch saying that he wanted them at each other's sides every minute…. I miss that And, more on the topic of Haymitch, I really wish they showed him falling off the stage at the reaping! It made me laugh so hard, and they didn't even include it! And One last thing about Haymitch… he has such pretty feet ;)_

_Oh wait, one more thing about Haymitch. He didn't throw up in the dining room! Like Peeta didn't have to shower him… which didn't give Katniss the clue that she need about him._

_ANYWAYS… other than all that complaining about things left out (I know, I know, they couldn't fit everything in!) I might as well say some things that I did love. And there's plenty of more spoilers coming ahead so IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, DON'T READ IT!_

_I completely loved the scene with District 11. Loved it so much. It gives a hint about the uprising, and if you ask me, Rue's dad (I think it was Rue's dad?) was pretty bad ass._

_They made all of the outfits perfectly. Like the chariot outfits and the interview outfits? AWESOME._

_I love how they included the bit about the mining accident, too. Very nice._

_RUE TAKING CATO'S KNIFE? AND THEN THRESH SMILING? AMAZING. ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS._

_I think I laughed the most when Haymitch gave the thumbs up (That smile he shown. Priceless.) And when Effie cried "THAT IS MAHOGONY!" HILARIOUS! _

_Cato's speech at the end was so amazing. It wasn't like the book had described, about him being all tired and stuff, but it was just as good. I loved seeing him all emotional. I love him. So much._

_Everything about the Capitol and the training and the interviews and the districts were absolutely amazing. It was so breath taking. _

_They just left out a lot of stuff. That was the only thing._

_I just can't get my head wrapped around the fact that they had to take a 300+ page book to a 2 hour and 22 minute movie. I should realize that they have to leave stuff out. I guess I just don't want too…_

_Anyways, I'll stop boring you with my rants. _

_On a final note, The hunger games was so worth the 3 ½ hour wait sitting on the cold, dirty floor. I would do it again in an instant._

_OMG. I JUST REALIZED THAT THE 'You have about as much charm as a dead slug' MOMENT WASN'T IN THE MOVIE. OMG. OMG._

_Sorry, sorry. I just have a lot of emotions, ok?_

_Wow, this has been my longest rant ever! There will probably be more to come in the next few chapters, but I just don't know how else to express my feelings. I have no one to talk to about this, so I feel completely lost now that it's over._

_Omg. Now I'm crying because of the hollow feeling inside of my chest at the realization that it's all over. How am I supposed to wait for 607 days till Catching Fire? I can't… I really don't know what to do now. I feel completely lost._

_But besides from my depression, I hope this chapter don't suck to much considering I'm writing while I'm crying xD I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE LONG RANT! It's almost two pages on Microsoft word! Oh my god!_

_Onto the actual story…I'm sorry it's a short chapter! Next one will be longer :)  
><em>

_Review! :) _

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

**"_Winning means fame and fortune.__  
><em>_Losing means certain death.__  
><em>_The Hunger Games have begun…"_**

* * *

><p><em>BANG! <em>

There goes Thresh's canon.

I cannot stop crying. That poor boy. He was so quiet and kind, he didn't deserve to die. At all.

I shove my face into Finnick's chest, letting the tears soak through his shirt. He rubs my head and holds my body close to him, trying to calm me down; not that it's working.

After a while I finally wipe my eyes clean. Katniss woke up yesterday evening, and Peeta has been taking great care of her. They are going out to hunt and gather now.

They hunt for a while, and Katniss eventually makes Peeta take off his shoes because he's being too loud.

A few minutes later she discovers that he is still too loud, and that he is scaring game away. So she sits him down by the river, and tells him not to move.

He doesn't listen though, and a few minutes later he is walking along the river, and away from Katniss. He finds some berries, but something about them doesn't look right. I shrug it off and continue to cry besides Finnick.

Next time I look up he's laying out the berries on his jacket. He turns his back for one quick second, and the next thing I know is that half of the pile of them are gone. When he notices he looks confused, but continues picking.

_BANG! _

The girl from district 5 ate some of Peeta's berries, and now she is dead. He doesn't realize that the berries killed her though, so he snatches up the jacket and berries quickly, trying to return to Katniss.

But Katniss is freaking out, shouting after Peeta. "Peeta! Peeta!" She thinks he died. I wish I could tell her not to worry and that he's fine; but I obviously can't.

Then she stumbles into him, and she starts to cry. "Peeta! That's nightlock! You'd be dead in a second! You scared me to death!"

Then she jumps into his arms and I know.

So does Finnick. Haymitch. Cashmere. Gloss. Trixie. Johanna. And every other person watching the games.

We all know that it's true, that Katniss actually does have feelings for Peeta. It isn't just for show.

Haymitch curses under his breath, and Peeta is apologizing through the hug.

I crawl onto Finnick's lap so I can sink into him even more than I already am. He smirks at my closeness, but I just cuddle into him. He doesn't argue or anything, so I just sigh contently. For the first time in so long, I actually feel safe.

No one is going to come and rip me away from him right now. I'm here with all of my family in a safe place.

I'm not in the games anymore, no one is going to try to hunt me down. No one is wanting my blood on their hands. No one.

It's like Finnick can read my mind, because as he's tracing the scars on my neck he says, "It's okay, gorgeous. No one is going to hurt you anymore. Not if I can help it."

I send a cheeky grin in his direction, and he smiles his famous Finnick Odair smile. No matter how safe I feel, or how much I love Finnick, I can't help but wonder how many other woman have received that grin from him.

…

"C-cato!" Trixie wails in my shoulder. I bring my hand up and cover her eyes so she doesn't have to see yet another one of her friends die. This time Cato is being torn apart by wolf mutts.

I shift Trixie over to Finnick, because I have a feeling I'm going to be sick.

As soon as she's away from me, I shoot over to the garbage can, only to relieve my stomach of my lunch and dinner from today.

I walk back to my seat as Cato is moaning for Katniss to kill him, "P-please…" He breathes as the mutts slowly tear every piece of skin from his body. He is just a hunk of bleeding flesh. I don't know how he's still alive.

Katniss looks like she's about to cry, but with Peeta's help she leans over the side of the cornucopia and shoots a last arrow through Cato's heart.

The last emotion visible in his eyes before the mutts tear them out, is relief.

"No!" Trixie cries.

I walk over to her, holding my stomach again. "Baby, it's okay."

"No! It's not okay!" She screams at the room through the tears. "All of my friends are dead!" Then she falls to her knees and curls into herself; body shaking with each sob.

I reach over to rub her back, but she pushes it off and storms out of the room. I start to go after her, but Enobaria, Gloss, Brutus, and Cashmere beat me to it. I sigh and walk back over to Finnick. I touch my forehead to his arm and groan, "Ugh, I hate this."

"It's okay, she'll be fine. She just needs some time." He tells me.

I turn back to the screen to watch both Katniss and Peeta be picked up by the hovercraft, but then I snap. The game makers announce there can only be one winner. No. This is not happening right now.

They can't just do this. I won't let them do this. I get up and storm over to the phone, demanding to talk to the game makers. Finnick comes over and tries to snatch the phone away from me, but I won't let him.

As soon as the head game maker, Seneca Crane, picks up the phone, I say every curse word I can possibly imagine at him. Finnick is trying to get me to stop, but my grip is firm on the phone and I hit him away. Eventually he just sighs and leaves me alone.

I'm not even off the phone when the 5 peacekeepers barge in through the room, trying to reach me. Everyone in the room is suddenly chaotic, and all the victors are trying to defend me, trying to get them away from me. But they march over to me, and they grab my arms and they drag me along.

Finnick is shouting after me, crying, as one of the peacekeepers hold him back. "It's okay Finnick! I'll be F-" I get cut off by the door slamming shut. A lock clicks, and none of those victors are getting out anytime soon.

We are halfway down the hall when I hear the pounding on the door and the cries of my name again.

…

"Do we really have to teach you about respect again, Gemma?" President Snow questions me as I'm being strapped down to a table.

"That's not fair! What you did to those kids!" I try to fight them off, but they push my head down. I curse.

"Oh, but it was. You see, my Gemma, I can do whatever I like, correct?" He says after laughing at me.

"I'm not your Gemma, I will never be your Gemma!" I spit at him as my wrists are tied down.

"Wrong again. You know Gemma… You are my Gemma. And Finnick is my Finnick. And Haymitch is my Haymitch. You are all mine." He says, a sly little grin appearing on his face.

"No." I turn my head away from him, because I can't stand to look into those evil eyes anymore. He grabs my face in his hand, hard, and snaps it back over. I look at him with all the disgust and hate I can manage, and he just laughs.

"You stupid girl. So Naive." Then he turns around and walks out of the room, followed by the peacekeepers.

I'm left alone, latched onto the table for what feels like ever. Until the two peacekeepers walk in the room. They are wearing the same sly smile as president snow did.

"What?" I ask them. They don't answer, of course, but one of them touches an uneven rock in the wall, and then BAM!

Ice Cold water falls down on my, covering me head to toe. I'm soaked in a few seconds. After they finally turn it off, I shaking and my skins turning blue. "W-w-w-hat t-t-the f-f-f-uck?" I say through chattering teeth.

They leave me there shivering for another few minutes, and then they do it again. I can feel my lips turning purple, and the tips of my fingers are turning blue.

After the finally turn it off for good, one of them move to the other side of the room as the other one place a soaked cloth across my eyes. I shut the lids, preparing for the horror of what's coming.

I hear the buzz first, and then it hits me as to what this torture is being. I begin to scream, screaming my head off, and they let me. They let me scream until I can't scream anymore, until my throat is bleeding.

I start to cough up blood, and that's when they turn it on.

Searing pain goes straight through me; every bone in my body is on fire. I can feel it racing through me, through my veins and blood.

I let out another curling scream as my toes curl, and I can feel the blood choking me.

I give into the pain that has been trying to take me for the past while, and fall into the darkness.

* * *

><p><em>Ou! What's gonna happen ? :o<em>


	11. Chapter 11: The AfterMath

_Hey guys! So I'm sorry if you aren't a fan of big chapters or whatever, but this one is super long! It's like seven pages on Microsoft word; the longest one yet! After this chapter, there will be probably 2 or 3 more chapters until the 75__th__ games, and I'm actually pretty excited. _

_I hope you like the chapter! I'm going to go write the next one right now, so if I get four reviews on this chapter I will post it tonight, but if not you will have to wait till tomorrow! (:_

_I do not own the hunger games! _

_xXxXx_

"_**Sick and disoriented, I'm able to form only one thought: Peeta Mellark just saved my life."**_

* * *

><p>"<em>Gemma, you have to get up." Ky tells me. <em>

"_Ugh, Ky, No! I don't want to go back, all it's gonna bring me is more pain!"_

"_No it won't! Look around, you're safe now!" I sit up from the bed I am in, and look down at my sleeping body. I look horrible. Finnick haven't left my side, and the other victors are all pacing around the room. _

_Finnick keeps whispering things to me that I can't hear; the only thing I can hear is Ky, who is stood up at my side. _

"_You have to make the choice whether to go back or not. He needs you, Gem. He can't survive without you. And what about Trixie? You can't just leave her too! What would she do, if she found out she'd never see her mommy again, and that she was gone to live with all of her dead friends? What would she have to say!" _

"_K-ky…" I stutter, stunned by the sight of me. Half of my hair is out of my hair, burned out, so there are plenty off bald spots. _

_They electrocuted me until I blacked out, and then they brought me right back to the victors lounge. Then all the victors managed to get me to the hospital, which is where I am now, looking down at myself, trying to decide if I want to live or not._

"_No Gemma, look at that little girl!" He grips my arm, and he forces me to look at the shaking girl in Finnick's lap. She's sobbing into his shirt, and he rubs her back, not daring to take his eyes off of me. _

"_B-but… look at me…" I whisper, looking up into his eyes. He hasn't aged a day, despite the 7 years since his death. I guess that's what happens when you die. You stay the age you want to stay._

"_You'll be fine… you'll get better…" His eyes go soft as he says that, and I clench my jaw._

_His finger traces my sleeping forms cheek, over a patch of red skin, and I feel a flutter in my cheek. I raise my hand to it, and notice I'm see through._

"_Am I already dead? Look!" I say to him, raising my arm._

"_No, you're in between. You get to choose whether or not you want to live or die. Only a lucky few get this decision, Gemma…"_

_I groan. I know I need to stay alive, but heaven seems so good. "Fiiiiiiiiine, I suppose I'll go back. For Trixie and Finnick." I whine._

_He smiles at me, and I want to just hug him so badly. But I would just go through him. "I'm gonna miss you, Ky…" I whisper._

"_Don't worry. When your time comes I'll be right here, waiting for you. See you, Gem."_

_And then I sink back into my body, without saying goodbye._

Minutes later, my eyes open. It hurts to move my eyelids. Everything hurts. Those few moments of bliss I had with Ky in the afterlife are long gone, but I can still feel his presence in the room. Like he's standing next to me.

I try to move my fingers, but gasp in the pain. That's when everyone in the room swarms me.

I can't do this right now, not with everyone here. My widened eyes dart around the room, and I start taking deep breathes to calm myself.

"Gemma! Oh my god! Everyone back up!" Finnick shouts.

I tilt my head to face him and let out a mangled cry of pain. My skin hurts, it burns. And my throat feels like someone scraped it clean with a knife; I can still taste blood.

"F-Fi-" I try to speak but it hurts to badly. I give up on talking.

Tears spring up in his eyes and I can see the pain he's having clearly on his face, "Shh, baby, it's okay. Don't talk, ok?" He soothes.

I try to swallow, but that just sends another cry of pain. This is too much, my body hurts to badly. Finnick gives me one last look of pure sadness before pushing a button, and then I black out again.

…

This time when I open my eyes no one is in the room with me. Not a soul. Not even Finnick or Trixie.

I try to wiggle my fingers, and I find it doesn't hurt as badly. It's numb, really. Ever so slowly I test my hand. First my fingers, then lifting my hand from the bed, then moving my wrist. Once that's done I slowly lift my arms to my head. That hurts more, but I handle it. I touch my hand to my head and wince, and start to panic when I feel nothing.

There is no hair there. I quickly move my fingers across my scalp, only to find that I'm bald. Either they shaved my head, or it all fell out.

Despite the pain running through my bones, I jump up quickly, screaming in the process. I'm panicking, freaking out. I need to find someone, anyone. I am just standing on my feet, gripping the sheets of the bed and yelling out from the pain when 4 nurses come in.

They are all telling me to get back on the bed, and that this isn't safe and everything. Then the next thing I know I'm strapped onto the bed, which makes me freak out even more because I think that water is going to fall down on me.

I'm screaming my lungs dry, which is quite painful to my throat, by the way, when Finnick runs in the room. "Finnick!" I croak.

"Stop, Gemma, you need to stop. Please!" He's telling me, trying to hold me down so the nurses can get the restraints on my ankles.

I won't let them do this though, so I thrash around. I'm sobbing and screaming and then I feel a prick in my arm and the world turns into a blur before turning black.

…

I'm awake, but I don't open my eyes. "Haymitch, what are we going to do? When she sees herself she is going to freak out even more… you heard what the nurses said happen before I came in." I hear Finnick say.

"Well, you can't just keep her under! She needs to go to the post game interviews!" Haymitch resorts.

Wait, I don't know who won! My eyes fly open, "Who won?" I croak.

"Oh, good, you're away." Finnick says, walking over to me.

"Who won?" I whisper. It doesn't hurt as badly to talk now.

"They both did, Gemma." Haymitch says before Finnick can answer.

My eyes dart to Haymitch who is sat down at the other end of the room giving me a sad smile, "What?" I ask.

"They said either they both win or neither of them win. So the Capitol let them both win…"

I sink back into the bed even more than I already was, wanting to dissolve into it. "So… I… They…" I got mad at the peacekeepers for nothing. I'm in all this pain. For nothing. You are kidding me, right?

Finnick strokes my cheek, and despite the burning feeling I get from it, I don't wince. "It's okay, you'll be okay." He says. "Do you need something to eat?"

I nod numbly and he calls in a nurse. She brings in a tray of food, and it only contains a bit of bread and some broth. Finnick feeds me the broth, so I don't have to hold it or lay it on my lap.

The broth tastes great and it helps my throat a lot. After I drink it my throat feels so much better. "Are you thirsty?" Finnick asks me.

I nod, and notice that there is nothing on the tray to drink. Finnick nods to Haymitch, who walks out of the room. A few minutes later he comes back carrying a glass of ice water.

No. He's going to pour it on me. He's going to pour that on me and then he's going to push the button and I'm going to get electrocuted again.

He passes it to Finnick, and my eyes widen. I slide to the other side of the bed, wincing in the process, and curl up into a ball. Finnick looks at me, confused, and I reach out and knock the glass to the floor, shaking like a leaf.

The glass breaks into a million little pieces, water flying everywhere, including landing on me. When I feel it come in contact with my skin I scream, and with shaking hands try to wipe it away. I just end up rubbing to hard, and leaving my skin on fire.

"Gemma, gemma, it's okay, sh. We're sorry, we didn't mean to you know- sh." Finnick tries to soothe me.

I push him away and curl up in my own little ball, just so I can sob, for hours and hours.

…

"Come on, baby, you have to try. I'm right here, nothing's going to happen." It's been a 6 hours since my incident with the glass of water, and I have to try to get into the shower so I can ready myself for the post games interview of Peeta and Katniss.

I look as ugly as ever. I have no hair, so I'm bald and all of my scars on my chest stand out because of my pink skin. I really don't know how Finnick can call my beautiful, I'm a monster.

I'm standing outside of the shower, naked and shaking like a leaf. I just can't help but think that after the water touches my skin I will be electrocuted. Finnick is assuring me that nothing will happen, though, so I agreed to give it a try if he'd stay with me.

"It's okay, look," Finnick tries again, dipping his head in under the water.

I take a deep breath and grab onto his arm for dear life, "Don't you dare leave me."

"Never," He says. Very slowly he tries to guild me closer to the stream of water.

It is just touching my hand when my eyes fly open and I scream. "No, no, no!" I shriek, sliding to the other end of the room.

Finnick sighs, "Let's not do the shower any more today, okay?" I gulp and nod. "Come here."

I slowly tip toe over to him, and he takes me lightly in his arms. After a few minutes he pulls back, and he reaches for the sink for a cloth.

He touches the damp cloth to my chest, and I can feel the water dripping from it. I close my eyes again as I begin to shake, and I take deep breathes to try to calm myself. "Good girl," Finnick coos. I nod silently and wait for him to finish. Once my body is cleaned, he does my head, and I begin to cry. "What's wrong, love? Am I hurting you?"

"No… no it's not that… how can you love me Finnick?" I look to the ground, ashamed, "I'm so ugly."

"No Gemma. You are beautiful." He says, lifting my chin. He wipes the tears from my cheeks before he kisses me. "I like you with no hair, actually." He says, leaving a trail of kisses up my temple to the top of my head.

I laugh, "Thanks, Finn."

He just smiles and takes my hand, pulling me out of the bathroom and back into the hospital room. He helps me dress in the very light weight ivory strapless dress that was laid out for me, so it doesn't hurt me, and then he dresses himself.

He walks me over to a mirror before we head out the door, and I take myself in. You can see all my scars on my chest, but the color of the dress makes my skin look peachy instead of pink. I reach my hand up to my head again, wishing I had hair.

Before I can start crying, Finnick takes my arm in his, "Come on, baby."

We walk out the hospital room door, and my heals click on the clean floor. I thank whoever designed these shoes for me, they have a very soft spongy material on the inside of them so they don't rub or hurt my feet. We have to stop in the main lobby to tell someone we are leaving first, before we can actually leave, though.

"Yeah, Gemma is being checked out for a few hours so she can attend the interviews with the rest of the interviews with the rest of the victors." Finnick tells the nurse. My grip tightens on his arm, and he pats my hand. I didn't realize I would have to see the rest of the victors tonight, and to sit in the audience. Ugh.

We finally get to leave and I stop Finnick to turn him around to face me, "Finnick I don't know if I can do this." I say.

He puts his hands on my shoulders, "You can do this, love. Trust me. They are all dying to see you."

I take a deep breath and we continue walking. We get into a car waiting for us outside the hospital, and we go over to the training center where we will meet the victors.

When we finally get there, I hesitantly step out of the car. Finnick laughs a bit at my nervousness, because usually I can't wait to see the family.

"Oh shut up," I tell him, smirking.

"Come on!" He rushes me into the building.

The first person I see is Haymitch, and he walks over to us first. Finnick must have told them only one at a time. "Looking good, sweetheart." Finnick says before hugging me.

"Thanks, Haystack. Not too bad yourself." I look him up and down; he's surprisingly sober and dressed nicely, in a white suit.

He smirks and waddles off so I can see more people. Trixie is next, with Enobaria. "Mommy!" She cries, flinging herself at me.

She lands in my arms and I wince, but still manage to hold her. "How are you, baby?" I ask her.

"Oh who cares! I missed you!" She says.

I pull back and look her up and down. She looks adorable in this blue dress. "Look at you, all dazzled up!" I tell her, smiling.

She smiles for a split second, and then she notices it and frowns. "Where's your hair gone, mommy?" She asks me.

I immediately feel self conscious, and that everyone is looking at me. I don't answer, and instead I just look at the ground. Finnick snakes his arm around my waist, and Enobaria picks up for me. "She cut it off, it's a new style. Don't you think it looks fabulous?"

"Mommy you look pretty with or without hair!" She answers, hugging me again.

I kiss her forehead, "Thanks, little monkey."

"Come on now, Trix, let's go get our seats!" Enobaria says, grabbing Trixie's hand and dragger her along. Trixie stumbles a bit, and I burst out laughing at her.

I talk to the rest of the victors, all of them telling me I look great, before we head off to find our seats.

Once we get there, every single Capitol citizen with their huge wigs and strange makeup gave me ridiculous looks. I gripped onto Finnick's hand, which was hidden behind our backs, and stared at the floor while we waited for the interview to begin.

Haymitch has to sit on the stage, because his tributes won, so he rises up, and the crowd goes wild. Then their escort, prep teams, and stylists rise up before Katniss and Peeta do.

They are on opposite ends of the stage, and when they see each other for the first time since the games, Katniss runs full speed and jumps into Peeta's arms. He stumbles backwards, and something looks off about him, but I can't place it. Katniss is wearing a beautiful yellow dress, and Peeta a blue suit.

They both squeeze together on the loveseat, and they watch the recap of their games. Caesar asks them questions, and they answer them gracefully.

Then President Snow comes out, smirk plastered on his face as he walks over to the couple. He splits a crown in two, and places half on each of their heads.

He mumbles something to Katniss that I don't catch, and then he leaves the stage, sending a very devious look out to the audience on his way. He catches my eye and winks, and then I begin shaking again.

"It's over, let's go…" Finnick says. I follow him and the rest of the victors out of the area, and then we say goodbye. We have to go back to the hospital before we go to the train station, so we will say our final goodbyes there.

We slide into the car once again, and we make our way back to the hospital where I retrieve my few items.

"See you…" I tell the nurse at the station in the lobby after she gives me all kinds of cream and pills. Then we go back to the car that will drive us to the train station.

It's odd, this time, because Haymitch is standing there with Peeta and Katniss, and not alone like every other year. I run up to him and hug him, not daring to let go, until he peels my arms away. "You don't have much time to say goodbye to everyone, sweetheart. I'll see you in six months, and you can call me all the time." He tells me.

I can help but feel hurt at the look Katniss is giving me, but I think it's just the look she gives everyone. I whisper "Good Job, Katniss. I'll see you soon." And give her a tiny hug. She hesitates, but gives it back to me. Then I move onto Peeta.

"W-what happen to you?" He whispers, looking me up and down and taking in the color of my skin and the baldness of my head.

"Electrocution is all." I say with a tiny giggle, even though it isn't a funny topic at all.

He frowns and lightly hugs me, "I'm sorry. I can't wait to come talk to you some more during the victory tour."

"Me too. Bye, Peeta." I say. He nods, and then I walk away from the three of them.

I say good bye to the rest of my friends, telling Gloss and Cashmere that I will be over to one as soon as Esmeralda has her child. I take Trixie from Esmeralda, and surprisingly she hasn't cried saying good bye to everyone this time. I guess she is all cried out from the past few weeks here.

We jump onto the train, and the door slides close behind us. That's when it hits me. "Finnick! How am I supposed to go swimming?" I ask him in a hushed voice.

"It's okay, we'll work on it." He says.

I nod, and walk into our room to change out of the dress I'm wearing.


	12. Chapter 12: Swimming and Cupcakes

_Hey Guys! Another long chapter! (: _

_Next chapter Gemma will visit one, and then the quarter quell will be announced ;)_

_Then the chapter after that it's the reaping, and then the fun begins. Woo!_

_Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! Four reviews for the next one today! :)_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

"_**Hope… it is the only thing stronger than fear."**_ _– President Snow, the hunger games movie._

* * *

><p>6 months since the 74th games, and I'm still as ugly.<p>

Well actually, I can't say that. I'm actually kind of pretty now. My hair has grown a bit so I was able to get some fancy capitol extensions added to it, to help it grow faster so now it reaches just below my ears; I also have a bang. I dyed it red, too, for a change. It actually isn't that bad, I kind of like it. (A/N Here's a link to a picture of what I imagined her hair to be like, if you want a better look! 24 . media . tumblr . com /tumblr_lfhet4zXXy1qbu593o1_400 . jpg)

It took me 3 months, but I'm back to swimming in the ocean as per usual now. Everyday me and Finn used to spend daylight to dark at the beach, trying to get me used to water again. At first if I even stepped foot on the sand I would scream and run away, but gradually I got better.

My skin is normal again now, too; well actually, better than normal. It's a glowing tanned color now, but all of my scars are even more noticeable; I just don't let it bother me.

Esmeralda is due in two months, and she won't let me know the gender. She claims she wants it to be a surprise. But she asked me to be his or hers god mother, so I'm really excited.

Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch (Yay! Haystack!) are coming to district 4 today for their victory tour. I can't wait to see what Haymitch thinks of my hair, considering the last time he saw me I was bald. The three of them are staying overnight in our house, because we have plenty of room. Trixie will come in with me and Finnick, Haymitch will have Trixie's room (I'm sure he'd love that) and Katniss and Peeta can have the spare room.

"Morning." I sigh into Finn's chest. He brushes the hair out of my face, and I tilt my head up to him.

"Good morning, beautiful. We have to get up and get ready, Haystack is coming!" He says enthusiastically.

I chuckle and drag myself out of bed. I'm only in one of Finnick's shirts and my underwear, which is my usual sleep wear, but I don't bother getting dressed. I'm only going to have to change again in a bit anyways. Besides, it's only Finnick and Trixie here.

I still have some trouble in the shower though; only because it beats down on me, just like it did when I was in the Capitol. It brings back many more flashbacks then swimming in the ocean do, so I try to avoid it as much as I can.

I walk to the sink and wash my face, shivering at the sight of running water. Finnick walks in and meets me, yawning, and warns me to hurry up. "Me hurry up? You haven't even washed yourself yet, darling." I tell him, laughing.

I leave him smirking in the bathroom, and walk into Trixie's room down the hall. To my surprise she's up and out of bed, already dressed and cleaning her room. She doesn't notice me standing in the doorway, so I laugh to myself and run a hand through my hair, grateful that it's there. "What are you doing, baby?" I ask her.

She pauses and turns around to me. "Oh, hi mommy. I'm cleaning my room! If Haymitch is staying here it's got to be clean right?" She's so responsible. I haven't even thought about cleaning yet, and they arrive in a few hours. We spend most of our time down at the beach anyways, so it can't be that dirty.

"Right." I agree, nodding, "What do you want for breakfast? We can eat down on the beach if you'd like," I ask her.

"Surprise me!" She shrills, I smile and leave her alone to finish tidying. I walk down to the kitchen and put a few dirty dishes into this machine from the Capitol that is called a dishwasher. It's really cool; you just press a few buttons and in a few minutes the dishes are cleaned.

Finnick thumps down the stairs and jumps up on the counter where he watches me clean. "You could help me, you know. You could make breakfast, or clean up, or set up the blanket outside." I tell him.

He smirks, "Outside? Why?"

"Because we are eating down on the beach this morning." I inform him.

"Oh, cool. I'll go call Mags and Annie," He says, jumping down from the counter and walking away from me.

"Great!" I scream after him.

I fish the basket out of the closet, and fill it full with all kinds of breakfast stuff. Bread, bacon, apples, strawberrys, eggs, and a few pancakes. Then I race up the stairs to shove on some shorts before Mags and Annie comes over.

I strip off once I'm up there, and put my bikini on, just in case I want to go swimming. Then I put on some shorts, and another one of Finnick's huge t shirts, which I tuck into the shorts. Then I wrap a belt around it, so it stays. I pull the shirt down over one shoulder so it's looping off, then I run back down stairs.

Trixie is there with Finnick, talking to Mags and Annie. I walk up to Annie and give her a hug, "Hey, Annie, how are you today?"

She gives me a smile, "Good, thanks."

Then I move onto Mags, and she gives me a toothless grin before patting my cheek, "Hello, child," She says. It comes out garbled, like always, but I know how to understand it now.

"Hi, Magsie. You guys ready to go?" Everyone nods, and we head out the back door. Finnick grabs the basket, and to my surprise he already had a blanket set up on the beach. We all sit down on it.

"Mommy, when Peeta comes today can we go swimming?" Trixie asks me.

"Maybe Katniss would like to come too," Finnick interrupts.

Trixie groans, "But I don't like Katniss!"

"Well you're going to have to try! Remember what we told you? She was trying to get home to her little sister, Prim. It isn't her fault." I remind her.

"I know, I know…" She sighs in defeat.

Mags finds our conversation hilarious, and she chuckles to herself, tapping Trixie's knee.

"You make sure you're on your best behavior today, right Trix?" Finnick asks her.

"Yeah, I know" She says.

"Annie are you excited to meet Katniss and Peeta today?" I ask Annie as I take a big bite out of a piece of still warm bread.

"Sure…" she whispers. It sounds like she's unsure of herself.

"Annie, it's okay. They aren't going to hurt you. You know that right?"

She nods and stares out into the ocean. We continue talking and eating for a while longer until it's time for us to go meet them at the train station. They will have an afternoon of free time here, because the feast isn't until dinner time, and it isn't even lunch yet.

Trixie walks ahead with Annie, and they are laughing about something, Mags trails behind us, taking in the scenery, and Me and Finnick walk hand in hand between them. We reach the train station just in time to see it pull in, and then it's swarmed with peacekeepers and reporters. We watch as the three of the victors and their escort walk out of the train and into the justice building, not noticing us.

We trail along with the group of reporters, until we finally get a chance to see them in one of the rooms. We burst in through the door, and as soon as I'm in sight of him I yell, "Haystack!" And fling myself full force at him. He's gone off laughing at me, and stumbles backwards.

I pull away from him, twirling my hair around my finger, "So, what do you think, Haystack?"

I can't help but giggle. He takes a bit of my hair in his hands, "It's awesome. You still looked gorgeous without it though, you know."

"Thanks, but I'd rather this!" I say, untangling my arms from his. I move over to Peeta and give him a hug. "Hey Peeta. Just a little warning, my daughter is going to beg you to go swimming with her today…" I whisper into his ear when we hug.

He laughs, "Nice to see you too, Gemma. Where is your daughter, anyways?"

"I'm right here!" Trixie screams, running towards Peeta. She stops when she sees him though, not realizing who said it. She suddenly gets really shy, and she hides behind my legs, peeking out at Peeta with one eye.

He leans down to her level, "its okay, you know. You don't have to be shy." I notice Katniss watching how well Peeta is with kids intently. Trixe takes a step out from behind my legs, but she still is half hidden. "What's your name, anyways? I'm Peeta." He says.

"I'm Trixie," She says cautiously.

"Well Trixie, do you like cupcakes?" He asks.

This gets her attention and she steps out from behind me and into the open. We all are curious as to whats happening, so we are all watching with smiles plastered on our faces. She gasps as she says, "Yes! I love them!"

He chuckles at her excitement and he says, "Well I brought some here for you, from my families bakery back in my district. Do you want one?"

Just the thought of sugar seems to get her hyper, and she jumps up and down, "Yes yes yes!"

I tap her shoulder, "Manners?"

"Oh, yes yes yes _please_?" She adds.

The room erupts into laughter, and Peeta takes Trixie's hand and leads her to the other end of the room. I take this chance to talk to Katniss. "Hey… How have you been doing?"

Her expression is stone cold and solemn, "Fine."

"Well that's good, I guess. Right?" I don't really know, honestly. She just nods. "Well alright then." Then I turn back around and walk into Finnick's open arms. I can tell Katniss is uncomfortable, but I could really care less.

Trixie and Peeta walk back; Trixie has a huge cupcake in her hands and Peeta is carrying a box. "Look mommy! There's a mermaid on this one, just like in the stories daddy tells me, remember?"

I look up at Finnick and he smiles, "That's right. Did you tell Peeta thank you for the cupcake?" I tell her.

She wraps her tiny arms around Peeta's abdomen, "Thank you Peeta." I can feel the warmth in his eyes, he must love being around kids. Then there's Katniss, who looks like she's about to be sick.

"No problem, Trixie." He says. Trixie unwraps her arms so she can finish her cupcake, and Peeta walks over to Katniss and drags her to the other end of the room. I hear them mumbling about something, but it doesn't seem important, so I don't listen.

Haymitch is in a conversation with Mags, Finnick and Annie, so with Finnick's arms around me it's kind of awkward. I tell Finnick I'll be back, and I walk over to the box of cupcakes. I take one out that has a pink fish on it, and I go sit next to Trixie on the floor.

"Are these any good?" I ask her before taking a box.

She has her mouth full, "Delicious! Can I have another?"

I laugh, "One more, but that's it. You'll ruin your dinner."

She smiles brightly and goes to get another one. That's when I take a bite of the cupcake, and she's right, they are delicious. I think it's the best cupcake I've ever eaten.

"Do you like it?" I hear Peeta ask me. I look up, and he's standing over me, smirking.

"Yeah, they're really good. Did you make these?"

"No, my father did, but I iced them." He tells me.

"Cool. Is Katniss okay?" He slouches down on the floor next to me, and I see Katniss sitting on the window ledge, peering out over and into the sea.

"Yeah, she's fine." Is all he says. I can tell there's more to it, but Trixie comes over.

"Oh! Peeta! Do you want to go swimming?" She asks.

He laughs, "I wish I could. I don't know how to swim. Katniss do, though." At Katniss name she chirps in.

"Katniss do what?" She asks.

Trixie seems shy again, because she's never talked to Katniss before. Katniss's eyes soften when she sees Trixie though. "Do you know how to swim?" Trixie asks quietly.

Katniss gets up and walks over to us, "I do."

"Do…. Do you maybe wanna go?" Trixie asks before taking a bite out of her cupcake.

Katniss smile now, a real genuine smile, "If Peeta wants too."

Trixie turns to Peeta, "Peeta _pleeeeeeease_?"

He laughs and turns to Katniss, who is smiling. "Okay," He says.

"YAY!" Trixie shrieks. She's so hyped up on sugar it's hilarious. "Let's gooooo!"

I laugh and stand up, offering Katniss a hand. She sends a glare my way, but takes it. Then I walk back over to Finnick and he puts his arm around my shoulders, "Let's go work on our tans Annie, come on." I say, and we all leave the justice building to go to the beach.

Once we get to the beach, me and Annie lay down in the sand. I shove off my shirt and shorts, leaving me in just my bikini, and Annie leaves on her dress. All of my scars are completely visible, and Finnick sits beside me, tracing them all, one by one.

I listen to the laughs and screams of Trixie, Peeta, and Katniss coming from the water. Haymitch is inside, probably drinking himself silly with the contents of our liquor cabinets, and Mags went home. So that leaves us.

I sit up and slide onto Finnick lap, leaning my head on his shoulder so I can watch the three kids in the water. The time must go by very quickly, because the next thing I know Mags is on the beach telling us we have to go get ready for dinner. I sigh and walk up to the house, everyone else close behind. I'm going to have to shower, and that always makes me a nervous wreck.

Finnick senses my nervousness, and he takes my hand, "Hey, It's okay." He says, leading my upstairs. I nod, trying to convince myself.

…

An hour later, we are all dressed and ready to go. Katniss and Peeta had to go get ready in Annie's house, because that is where their prep team is staying.

I'm wearing a silky purple dress, that has some red stitched into it to match my hair. Katniss's stylist Cinna designed it, so I'm guessing Haymitch has talked about me to them. It doesn't matter, though.

Trixie is in a green dress, one of her favorites, and her long hair is curled.

Finnick is in his usual suit. Surprisingly, so is Haymitch.

The four of us meet in our foyer, and we walk together to the justice building where Katniss and Peeta are making their speech.

…

I'm sat in between Finnick and Trixie, with Peeta across from me, Annie across from Finnick, and Katniss across from Trixie. Katniss and Finnick haven't said one word with each other, which is weird, because usually Finnick would flirt with any new girl or victor that comes to district four. He don't really have a choice, so I don't let it bother me.

Peeta's speech (Katniss really didn't talk… I don't think she's much of a people person) was great. District four loves him. They all love Katniss too, I guess, because she's the girl that was on fire.

"But I just don't get why people like seaweed!" Trixie says to Peeta while making a face.

"It's good, Trix!" Finnick cuts in, shoving a piece of Sea weed in his mouth.

Peeta laughs at them both, "Yuck!" Trixie shrieks. Then the whole table burst out laughing and I can't help but think that life is actually good.

…_for now._


	13. Chapter 13: Here its safe, Here its warm

_Hey guys! I'm sorry I didn't have this out sooner; I got really distracted because I found the hunger games to watch online so I started to watch that again! It's even better the second time… That leads me to todays rant about Alexander Ludwig._

_I just noticed earlier when I was watching it that his voice is like super sexy! That probably sounds really weird but I just can't get over it. Like I could just sit here for hours and listen to his voice! Like that just makes him even more attractive than he already is… like it adds to his overall hotness. Especially his muscles, oh my godddddd. Those muscles and that voice…. Oh my *fanning myself*_

_But yeah more about Cato. Who do you ship? Cato and Clove or Cato and Glimmer? I love Cato and Clove in the book, because of Clove's death scene, but I love Cato and Glimmer in the movie because of Alexander and Levin… they are so cute together!_

_And Rue's death, way sadder the second time around for me… I'm just sitting here bawling my eyes out, no big deal._

_Anyways, I got 5 reviews on the last chapter (so far!) so I promised I'd update again tonight, so I am (: That's going to go for every chapter, from now on (I hope). The more reviews the faster I update!_

_So yeah, Review (:_

_And I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think of the names too, by the way! I couldn't really think of anything, so I used my brother's name and a variation of Gemma's name that's Spanish xD_

_I do not own the hunger games! I own a whole lot of merchandise (By the way, I got a shirt guys :D) but not the actual trilogy!_

_xXxXx_

_**Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
>A bed of grass, a soft green pillow<br>Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
>And when again they open, the sun will rise<br>Here it's safe, here it's warm  
>Here the daisies guard you from every harm<br>Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
>Here is the place where I love you.<strong>_

_-Had to post this, in honor of little Rue :')_

* * *

><p>He asked her to marry her. Three months ago Peeta asked Katniss to marry her. I remember that day as clear as anything in my mind. We were sat around watching the required viewing, and they were doing their interview with Caesar when Peeta got down on one knee and asked Katniss. She said yes, obviously, and then I burst out crying because I was so happy for the two of them.<p>

They don't know how lucky they are.

After my happy spurt was over a certain green eyed monster dipped into my soul, and I became rather jealous that the two of them would be allowed to break the rules, get married, and not have to sell themselves, when I've been tortured for years, and I'm not even allowed to be scene with Finnick in the capitol.

I quickly got over it though, after that night with Finnick.

I break away from my thoughts and go back to reality. "I'm going to miss you so much," I cling onto Finnick for dear life.

He holds me to him, and I let the tears drip down my face. It is always like this when we leave each other. "It's okay, you'll be back in a few days. Don't cry." He leans down and kisses both my cheeks, in under my eyes, wiping the tears away.

I smile, "Okay." I whisper. I'm leaving to go to one for a week; Esmeralda is due in two days, and I want to be there. Finnick is going to stay here with Trixie, and I'm going to miss them so much.

I would have stayed in One longer, but the quarter quell announcement is next week, so everyone must be in their own homes in their own districts.

I lean up and kiss him, "I love you." I whisper into his lips.

He smiles, "I love you too." I pull away from him and wipe my eyes. Then I move over to Trixie.

I cradle her to me; this is going to be the first time she is gone without me. We both start crying at the same time, "I'm going to miss you mommy!" She wails.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. You're going to stay here with daddy and Annie and Mags, and go to school with Addie like normal and then I'll be home before you know it!" I lean down and kiss her forehead.

She sniffs, "Okay! Bring me pictures!"

"Of course, darling." I hug her once more, "I love you!"

"I love you too, mommy." Then I pull away from her and adjust my purse strap and wipe my eyes. I step onto the train and lean out the door way, "Call me every night you two!"

Finnick puts his arm around Trixie shoulders and she hugs him, crying again. He nods and waves, and blows me a kiss. I can't help but laugh as the train pulls out of the station.

A few hours later I arrive in district one, and I'm greeted by Cashmere, Gloss, Mitchell, and a very large Esmeralda.

I run to Esmeralda, this is the first time I've seen her pregnant. We both squeal, "Look at you! You're huge! I wasn't that big when I was pregnant with Trixie!"

She giggles, "Okay, I have some news. I'm actually pregnant with twins! Surprise!"

I scream and hug her again, and she dies laughing. "Gemma, shut up!" I hear my glossy's voice.

"Glossy!" I scream and fling myself in his arms. He tumbles backwards, laughing. That's when I realize I haven't been back to one since all those years ago. I feel bad, I haven't even thought about my father…

But I'm not going to think about that right now; I'm here for Esmeralda.

I reunite with the rest of the victors, and then I loop my arm around Esmeralda's as we walk back to her house.

We are just walking up her path, laughing about some memories, when I see him. He's sitting on the steps of Esmeralda's house.

Carter.

My eyes widen and I step backwards; so many memories come flooding back to me, ones that I've stored away, not wanting to ever recall again. "Gemma, it's okay, come on." Esmeralda says rubbing my arm.

I'm not focusing on anything but this boy sat in front of me, staring me down, though.

I swallow, "C-carter."

He stands up, "Hey, Gem." He takes a big step towards me, and I take a step back. "What's wrong?"

I look to the ground, "This is too much at once, I can't…" My mind is racing, and I have no idea what I should do right now.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I want to talk to you…"

"Take a step back, Carter…" Esmeralda tells him, and I take deep breathes to calm myself. I peek up through my bangs and notice that he's back on the step.

The last time I saw this man was 5 years ago, when Finnick was beating him up for kissing me. He looks a lot different now; a lot older, even though he's only 26. "Carter?" I whisper. He looks up, hopeful. Tears stream down my face and I smile, "Wanna go get some gummy bears and peaches?"

…

We walk through town, eating the gummy bears. "I'm really sorry about that back there… I'm just not really good with surprises… and so many memories came flooding back…" I trail off.

"Hey, it's okay. I shouldn't have startled you like that. I'm sorry."

I punch his arm, "Don't worry about it."

"So, you're a red head now?" He asks me, eying my head.

"Well it beats being bald, that's for sure." I snort.

"What do you mean?" I look over at him, and he's completely confused. Right, he has no idea that I was electrocuted or sold or anything of that nature.

"Oh… back at the end of the games I was being disrespectful to Snow and he electrocuted me… I lost all my hair, but it's grown back now and it's fine." I say. I didn't notice but he's stopped straight in his tracks. His head is facing down, and he doesn't have his long hair anymore so I can partially see his face. Its red, and I can see the tears dripping off it and onto the side walk. "Carter?" I ask. Since when does he cry?

"I'm so sorry, Gemma…" He whispers. "I missed out on so much of your life, I should have called, I should of-"

"Stop, Carter. I don't want to hear it. The past is the past and none of that matters." I say, walking back and putting a hand on his shoulder.

He looks up at me and wipes his eyes, "I have something I need to tell you…"

"What is it?" I ask him.

"I'm getting married…" He says. I fling my arms around him.

"Congrats!" I say. "Little Carter with the rubies is getting married!"

"But… you're not gonna like who I'm getting married to…" He says. I back up.

"Who is it." I demand.

"Christy Castello." No; he's lying. He didn't just say that. No.

I stumble backwards, "Why are you lying to me, Carter?" I whisper.

"I'm not lying, I'm being honest to you…" He says.

Tears stream down my face and I don't know why I should care who he gets married too, but I just wish it was anyone but Christy. Our childhood bully, the girl that picked on me when I was pregnant and that Carter would tell off and defend me, the girl that Carter used to have rants about how much he hated. "Why her, Carter? Do you remember how bad she would make our lives? Do you remember how many times you've told me you've hated her?"

"Gemma, wait a second, she's changed-"

"Don't you dare give me that bull shit Carter!" I scream at him. He just looks to the ground, ashamed. I whisper the next part, "How could I ever think we could be friends again? We are completely different now… We live different lives…."

"No Gemma, don't say that, we can rebuild our friendship-"

"Save it… Have a good life, Carter…" I turn around and walk away, the last thing I hear are his sobs and screaming of 'DAMMIT!'

And at that very moment, I realize something. Carter isn't in love with Christy, he never was. The thing is, he never got over me. He's still in love with me.

…

"Push!" I scream at Esmeralda, squeezing her hand. What can I say, tough love!

"Holy fuck!" She screeches one last final time, and then they're out. A beautiful baby boy and girl, twins.

I listen to their cries and it brings me back to when I had Trixie. I'm grinning and crying and laughing all at once because it's such a beautiful moment.

…

A few hours later I sit beside Esmeralda in her hospital room. She's holding the little boy and I'm holding the little girl. "Hey Es, what's their names?" I ask her.

"Well this little fella is Lucas, after Mitchell's father," She pauses, and leans over so she's touching her daughter's nose, "And this little girl is Jemsa, after you." She whispers, looking me in the eye.

She named her daughter after me; I don't know what to say. "Oh, Esmeralda…" I whisper.

"What do you think?" She asks.

"I don't know what to say… I'm honored."

"Oh please… we could have named her after Haymitch, if you'd rather. How does…" She pauses, trying to make up a name, "Haysta sound?"

I burst out laughing, "Haysta?"

"Yeah, Haysta, it's short for Haystack!" We spend the next few hours laughing about how ridiculous it is.

…

"Is the week really over?" I ask Cashmere. They are all saying goodbye to me; I have to leave today because the quarter quell announcement is tonight.

"It sure is. You come back soon, okay?" She hugs me.

"Sure will." Then I hug Gloss and Mitchell.

"Aw, Es, don't cry! I'll be back soon, I promise! Trixie wants to come see Lucas and Jemsa." I say when I get to the teary eyed Esmeralda.

She sniffs, "I know, I know. Now get going, you. The train is going to leave without you." I laugh and hug her, than kiss both Lucas and Jemsa on the forehead.

"Bye everyone!" I yell out as the doors are closing. I see them all waving, and then we take off back home to district four. Trixie was disappointed that she couldn't meet me at the train station because of her school, so it's only going to be Finnick there to get me.

Once we get there, I fly out of the train so fast I almost trip. Luckily Finnick catches me, though. I don't even bother to say hello, I just go ahead and kiss him.

We're mid make out session right there in the open when someone clears their throat and interrupts us. I'm about ready to go and rip that persons face off because I was really enjoying myself, but instead I just stand there, smirking, in Finnick's arms. Good thing I didn't go attack that person, because it's only Mags. Annie's with her. "Hey guys!" I say, running over and wrapping my arms around both their necks.

"You know you didn't even say hello to me, gorgeous." Finnick chimes in.

"Oh suck it up, pretty boy." I say, laughing. After I'm finished hugging Annie and Mags I run back into Finnick's arms, and that's how we walk home.

…

"Oh my! I love that one!" Trixie shrieks as Katniss models her first wedding dress. We have to watch her try on all of these wedding dresses before the quell is announced, and it's rather ridiculous if you ask me.

"Eh, it's alright." Finnick shrugs.

I slap his shoulder, "She looks gorgeous."

He bends down and kisses me, "I think you'd look better in it," He whispers. I giggle.

She tries on a dozen more, and then it's finally over.

The Capitol seal flashes on the screen, and then President Snow's face appears.

"On the twenty-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that their children were dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it." President Snow starts. That would have been a horrible year, knowing that your district wanted you to die. I shiver and Finnick rubs my arms. "On the fiftieth anniversary," the president continues, "as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes." Haymitch's year. I sink into Finnick's chest, thinking about how scary and horrible that much have been for Haymitch.

"And now we honor our third Quarter Quell," President Snow says. A little boy in white steps forward, holding out the box as he opens the lid. We can see the rows and rows of envelopes. Whoever created the Quarter Quell system had came prepared for centuries of Hunger Games, that's for sure. Snow removes an envelope marked with a 75. He opens it, and out comes a tiny sheet paper. He rereads it, and that same sly grin appears on his face that I know so well. He looks straight into the camera as he reads the card out loud, but I completely zoned out after the second quarter quell announcement.

I continue playing with Finnick's hair and humming to myself, until I hear Trixie burst out crying. "Woah! What's wrong Trixie?" I ask her, completely confused.

"Gemma," Finnick whispers.

"What?" I ask him, eyes flashing around the room. Annie is curled up in a ball, shaking and crying and Mags is pray- wait a second, praying?

He looks into my eyes as he whispers, "We might be going back into the arena."

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><p><em>OHEMGEE, I betchya didn't see that coming! Hahha I'm kidding! But what will Gemma do, that's the question. <em>


	14. Chapter 14: Not such a good idea

_Hey guys! I just got home from school, so I rushed on here to post this chapter! I hope you like it (:_

_No rant for today, I don't think. But go over to youtube and check out the video 'Sitting Babies'. Jack Quaid (Marvel) is in it, acting as a baby sitter to the most obnoxious kid. I'm telling you you won't be able to stop laughing. I was dying for an hour when I watched it._

_Thank you for all of the reviews! (: They mean a lot to me! I'll try my best to get another chapter out tonight, but I'm going to try to write a chapter for my SYOT, so if I have time I'll post another here! The more reviews the better the chances, hehe :) _

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

"_**In my head I hear President Snow's words, spoken the morning I was to begin the Victory tour. "Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire, you have provided a spark that, left unattended, may grow to an inferno that destroy Panem.""**_

* * *

><p>As soon as the words leave Finnick's mouth, I'm up and stormed over to the phone. I'm making a very kind phone call to my dear best friend President Snow. As soon as he answers the phone, and after me being put on hold for a few minutes, I greet him with a very kind, "Fuck you."<p>

"Ah, Miss Gemma, I was expecting a call from you." He says, I can hear the smirk in his voice."

"How the actual fuck can you throw us back into that fucking arena?" Fuck is my word of the day, I've decided.

"I can do whatever I please." He says.

"Do you really hate me and Finnick that much that you want us to die in there? I thought we were your best sellers?" I say, venom dripping from my voice.

"Oh, my lovely victor, this is not about you nor Finnick. I'm sure you've had your share of discipline not to cross my path, hm?" He asks.

"Yeah I know, I know, I've been through pretty much all of it. Why though?" I demand.

"Well, you see, I'm not going to lie to you… and knowing you are probably not going to make it out of the arena I might as well tell you. During Ms Everdeen and Mr Mellark's games a few of the districts have decided that it might be fun to rebel against me, your noble leader."

I have to do all that I can to hold back a snort. Noble leader my ass. "So why do you have to torture all of us?" I whisper.

"Because that's the only way to put a stop to this, my friend. Now I must go, I have big plans to make, Ms Stone." Then I hear the click and he's gone.

I hang the phone up, and depression sweeps over me. I sink down the wall to the floor and curl up into a ball where I stay until Finnick comes to pick me up to bring me to bed.

Once we're in bed I curl up against his chest, "We're both going in there again, aren't we?" I whisper.

He sighs and I close my eyes, "I think so, love. But I'll get you out of there if it's the last thing I do." And that's the last thing I hear before I drift into a nightmare filled sleep. (_A/N Don't you just love Finnick? I adore him!)_

…

Today is the day. The first day of the last week of my life. It's going to be even worse for me, because Trixie is going to have to watch both of her parents die in the victor's lounge with Haymitch.

I recall a phone call I had with him a few months ago…

"_Hello?" Peeta's voice picked up._

"_Peeta? I need to talk to Haymitch, please… it's an emergency." I told him._

"_This is Gemma isn't it? Just a second Gemma…" He says._

"_Hello?" This time it's Haymitch._

"_Are you sober enough to talk about a serious issue, Haymitch?" _

"_You never call me Haymitch, what's wrong?"_

"_Are you going back in?" I whisper._

"_No, the boy says he's going in to protect Katniss, why sweetheart? Surely you're not, with all of the other victors in your district." He says. I know his voice, he isn't drunk._

"_No, I have a feeling that I'm going to get picked… and I'm not letting anyone die for me… and obviously Finnick is going to go in, they'd love to have two sets of lovers, wouldn't they?" I said sarcastically._

"_What about Trixie?" He asked me._

"_That's what I want to talk to you about… Haymitch… she's going to be with you all of the time this time; everyone else is going to be in the arena… I need to know; if both me and Finnick die in there, would you be able to take care of her?"_

_He took a deep breath, "What do you mean, sweetheart?"_

"_Would it be okay for her to move to District 12 with you? To either live with you or in one of the other houses… she has no one else but Annie…." I trail off._

"_Of course my daughter can come live with me-" He lowers his voice so I can barely hear it, "But you're going to come out alive." Then I heard a click and he was gone._

I'm in one with Trixie; we had to come back here because we are counted in this Districts reaping. Finnick wasn't allowed to come, but at least I have Trixie. "Happy birthday, baby." I say, gently nudging Trixie who is in bed besides me. She's turning 9 today. She's turning 9 on the day both of her parents are going to be sent to their deaths.

"I'm not getting up." She grumbles.

"Yes you are, come on. Lets go see Lucas and Jemsa before the reaping." I say, trying to con her out of the bed. She sighs but gets up, and I notice that her cheeks are puffy and streaked with tears; she was crying in her sleep. I stop her and she turns around, "Wait-" I say, and I wipe the tears away with my thumbs. "No crying yet…" I give her a very sad smile and she gives me one in return.

We both get washed and dressed, and I refuse to dress nicely today. I'm not even going to wait for my name to get reaped, I'm just gonna walk on up there. That's all they want anyways, a good show.

It suddenly hits me, that I'm going to be fighting all of my friends. Gloss will probably be the male tribute; Enobaria and Brutus; Wiress and Beetee; Finnick and Annie or Mags; Johanna and Blight; Woof and Jolie; Chaff and Seeder; Peeta and Katniss. Oh my god.

How am I supposed to kill my family? I won't do it. I won't.

Me and Trixie thump down the stairs hand in hand, and we reach the kitchen. "Hey you," I say to Esmeralda, who is walking around with two little children strapped to her.

"Hey," She says.

"I'm not hungry… I think I'm going to just go sit outside…" I mumble before walking out the front door. I sit on the step, right where Carter did those months ago. He's married now… Me, Finnick, and Trixie got an invite; but of course I refused to go, and Trixie didn't even remember him when I asked her.

I just sit on the step looking at the dead street for what feels like ever, until people start to go to the reaping. Time to go.

Trixie, Esmeralda, Mitchell, Lucas, and Jemsa walk out of the house. I take Trixie's hand in mine and we walk over to meet Gloss and Cashmere.

When Gloss sees me he put his arm around my shoulders, and that's how we walk to the reaping. Like a family.

Once we get to the square, Trixie takes Lucas and Jemsa and goes to wait in the crowd, while me, Esmeralda, Cashmere and all the other female victors go to our section. I feel like I'm 17 again, and I hate this.

Once good thing about this reaping is that I get to watch Penelope make a fool of herself again. "Welcome welco-" She says before the wind blows strong and wipes the wig clean off her head. "No!" She cries, but it's already gone.

The crowd erupts into laughter. Penelope groans before continuing, "Ugh! Whatever! This is my last year anyways! Let's go to the female tribute, shall we?"

That's my cue!

I crawl through the crowd just as she's taking out the card, and I slip under the rope. Peacekeepers surround me instantly, "Relax boys, it's my name anyways." I say before skipping onto the stage.

I snatch the paper from Penelope, "Long time no see, Penelope!" I say.

"Gemma! Get off the stage! I haven't announced the tribute yet!" She shrieks, holding her head.

I turn to the crowd and put my hand on my heart, "Don't worry Penelope, I know what it's like to be bald. It sucks, I know. But don't worry, it gets better!" I say. The crowd starts laughing again.

Penelope pouts and I tear open the card, "Oh? What do you know!" I put on my best Capitol imitation, "Gemma Stone! Surprise surprise!" Penelope snatches the card back and I smirk, "But on the plus side, I know I'll get _tons _of sponsors from the all the gross old men you sold me to over the years, right Snow?"Might as well make it count; if I'm going to die anyways.

"Gemma! What are you talking about?" Penelope hisses.

"Oh please, like you all didn't know. Snow makes any good looking victors into prostitutes!" I scream. The crowd is dead silent. A girls wailing cries break the silence, and everyone in the square turns their head to the noise. It's Trixie. Oh my god. No. "Trixie, wait!" I scream, jumping down from the stage. I run into the crowd with peacekeepers on my trail.

"So that's where daddy goes?" She wails. "And that's where you disappear to each year?"

"No, Trixie we need to talk about this, but not here, okay?" I manage to tell her before the peacekeepers got their hands on me, flinging me to the ground.

"Mommy!" Trixie screams.

They throw me onto my stomach and I command Trixie to close her eyes so she doesn't have to watch. They put hand cuffs around my arms and legs and then pick me back up. I roll my eyes once I'm back on stage.

"Well, alright then… Uhm… let's move onto our male tribute?" Penelope states.

"My prediction is that the male tribute will be Gloss!" I scream to the crowd, nudging my head towards Gloss. He just smirks and shakes his head.

Penelope walks over to the tribute bowl, and I follow her, jumping along since my feet can't move. I lean on the bowl as she snakes her hand in, "Am I right?" I ask her.

She opens it and sighs, "Gloss just come up."

Gloss runs up the steps two at a time and I greet him, "What did I say Glossy? Don't I know my best friend, President Snow, so well?" What's the worst he could do to me, I'm already going into the arena and I'm already told his secret about prostitution.

A peacekeeper comes over and slaps me across the face with the end of his gun and I fall to the floor of the stage, unable to get up. The crowd gasps. I turn to them, "Oh please, you've all seen it before-" Then I turn to the peacekeeper, "Damn, that hurt you know?"

He just smirks and shrugs. I manage to sit up. "Your tributes, Gemma and Gloss, of the 75th annual hunger games!" Penelope screams to the crowd.

I sarcastically blow a kiss to the audience as I'm dragged off the stage. "Gemma! How could you make a mockery of the Capitol like that? President Snow will have your head!" Penelope scolds.

"I thought it was pretty funny." Gloss says with a smirk.

I shoulder hit him, "Thanks Gloss."

Penelope grabs my ear, "Ow Penelope let go!" Then she drags me to the car. "What about our good byes?"

"You savages don't get any goodbyes this year!" She snaps.

"Woah-kay. Can you undo these please?" I motion to my hands tied behind my back.

"Fine, yeah, come here." She undoes them and I'm grateful. Not that I'd ever tell her that.

As soon as my hands are free I punch Gloss in the arm. He's shocked for a minute but then he punches me back, "Hey!" I laugh before punching him back. Our punches turn to slaps, and we are sitting in the pack seat slapping each other like children.

"STOP!" Penelope shrieks. We immediately stop and drop our hands, trying not to laugh. We are just like a brother and sister being caught by their mother fighting. "That's enough! No fighting yet!"

…

"Finnick we need to talk to her…" I say. All the districts are here, but they are letting us have some time to ourselves. I haven't seen Trixie; as soon as she stepped onto the train she ran to her room and didn't come out until the train was stopped… and even then she ran away from us, crying to her room.

"I know, let's go… we need to tell her the truth." We walk hand in hand to her room.

I knock on the door gently, "Trixie, sweetheart, we have to talk to you…"

"No! Go away!" She says. I take this as a 'Come on in!' and open the door. Me and Finnick tip toe in, and she's curled up in a ball, drawing, on her bed. "What do you have there?" I ask her.

She chucks it to the floor, and it's a beautiful drawing of a flower. "I went to talk to Peeta earlier, he gave me it. Said drawing helps him sometimes."

So she did go somewhere other than her room. "You're really good," I tell her.

She kicks at the blankets and mumbles thanks. Me and Finnick walk over and sit on her bed with her. "We need to talk to you… about what your mom said at the reaping…" Finnick says.

"I… I don't want to talk about it…" She whispers.

"We have to talk about it, love." Finnick says, rubbing her knee. He's way better at talking then I am.

She sniffles and looks up at us, "Why would you do that? Don't you love each other?" I see the tears forming in her eyes and I can tell we have to be delicate with this. We haven't even had 'the talk' with her yet, so she only knows what she does from what she's regained from school. She's only 9, she's too young to know about this anyways.

"That's why we did it baby…" I tell her.

"I don't understand…" She says.

"You're too young to understand fully. You'll understand when you're older, okay? You just need to know that we love each other and you more than anything, and that we did it because we love each other," I tell her. There, that shouldn't be too bad. I just can't go ahead and say that Snow is forcing us or he'll kill anyone we love.

"O-okay," she says, jumping up from her ball form to give us each a hug. We both squeeze her, and I don't let go for a few minutes. I close my eyes and savor the moment.

"Now come on, I think Peeta got something for you!" Finnick says, trying to brighten the mood.

"Me? Really?" She asks, stunned.

"Really! Let's go see!" Then Trixie jumps up and sprints out of the room. Me and Finnick laugh and follow behind her. "I think he's in the victor's lounge, Trix!" He yells out.

The three of us walk down the halls until we reach it, and Trixie opens the door. All the lights are off. "Turn on the lights!" She complains to me.

"Hold your seahorses, gosh!" I say jokingly, flicking on the switch.

Then all of a sudden there's people everywhere, yelling "SURPRISE!"

Her surprise party is a success. She's officially stunned. I look at the expression on her face, and I smile. She deserves to have some happy memories today. She stumbles backwards, and then a few seconds later a huge, cheeky grin appears on her face. "Oh my!" She gasps.

"Happy Birthday, Gorgeous." Finnick says; then he hugs her. I join in on the hug, and pretty soon everyone in the room is a part of it. We cling to each other like it is going to be our last time.

Once we all break apart, I get a glimpse at the birthday girl. She suddenly doesn't look happy anymore, just completely sad and heartbroken. Tears stream down her face she pushes through the crowd and out the door. I still hear her sobs as she runs down the hall way.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.


	15. Chapter 15: Nothing but a joke

_Hey guys! Oh my god I'm so so sorry about the late update! But at least it's up tonight, right? C:_

_Anyways, follow me on twitter and tumblr (links are on my profile!) and I'll follow back :)_

_Hope you like the chapter, Review! (:_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

"_**Better not give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."**__ OH MY GAWD i'm in love with Finnick! _

* * *

><p>"Trixie, please open the door." I say, pounding on the door again. She's figured out how to lock it. Great.<p>

"No! Please, please just go away…" She says.

I'm about to knock in protest when Penelope comes flying down the stairs, "Come on, Gemma! We need to get you prepped for the opening ceremonies!" I sigh and roll my eyes.

I follow behind her though, and she leads me down the hall and into a room where my new prep team awaits. My old prep team got demoted to district 10 a few years back because of my behavior, so I have new people.

The pluck me and prep me, making me perfect. They talk and talk, but I don't bother to listen. I don't want to know them. I don't want to know their names.

Once they are finally finished with me, they call in my new stylist, Roxy. She waddles in; she's a rather fat, turquoise skinned, tattooed woman. I roll my eyes when I see her.

She dresses me ridiculously. She covers all of my scars with layers of makeup first, so my skin is flawless. Then she simply has me covered in glitter, wearing only a bra and underwear made of something that looks like gold.

I should feel disgusted, right?

Ha. Disgusted is being forced to sleep with men a dozen times a day. Me being in my under clothes in front of the whole country? This is nothing.

She does a few more things to me that make my hair stand out, and then I'm shooed out of the room. I walk out into the victor's lounge, and I see Peeta talking to Johanna. I decide to go on over there.

Johanna greets me with a hug, "Hey girlie." She says.

I laugh at her when I pull away, she's dressed as a tree. "What the hell are you wearing?" I ask her.

"Pfft, who knows. What about you?" She raises an eyebrow.

"I guess they wanted Panem to see me, now that my secrets out."

Peeta stands there awkwardly, "Right. Did you hear it Peeta?" Johanna asks.

"No, we didn't watch the recaps…" He says.

I tell Johanna with my eyes not to tell him, so she continues on, "Oh yes. Well at least you're lucky you're in a decent costume, hey?"

He is in a decent costume. It looks like he's wearing a costume of burning coals; it's magical.

He just laughs and I peer over his shoulder. I see Finnick talking to Katniss. He's wearing only a net across his groin; I stifle a giggle. Katniss looks so uncomfortable. He offers her something, I think it's sugar cubes. Of course it's sugar cubes, he's addicted to them.

I nudge Peeta and he and Johanna both turn around as Finnick leans into Katniss's ear to tell her something. Peeta sighs and I say, "Come on, let's go save her."

We say good bye to Johanna and we walk over to them. I stand on my tippy toes and cover Finnick's eyes with my hands, "Guess who?"

He doesn't even bother guessing; he just takes my hands off his eyes and begins kissing them. I pull them away, and by the time I turn to look, Katniss and Peeta are already over to their Chariot.

Finnick pulls me to him, and I cling to him. "I wish I could ride with you," I whisper to him.

Mags waddles over, who is Finnick's partner. "I know, love, but I'll see you after."

"What were you talking about to Katniss?" I ask him, leaning up to kiss him.

He bends down to meet me, and whispers into my lips, "Secrets…"

I smirk and pull away from him, "Like my outfit?" I ask.

"I love it." He says trying to pull me to him again. I put my hands on his chest to stop him, though. "I like yours too." My eyes trail down his body to the net, and he smirks. "It's time to go," I say. I lean up and kiss him once more before walking back over to Gloss.

He helps me into the chariot, and we're the first ones to go. I don't smile, I don't laugh, and I don't do anything. I just stand there and glare at everyone who dares to meet my eye, yet strangely they all cheer.

We are the first ones to pull into the spot where President Snow will make his speech, and he glares at me. I glare right back at him, and his mouth curls into that little sadistic smile.

I bring my hand up and put my finger in my mouth, making a throwing up motion. Snow's smile immediately fades, and I hear Gloss snicker beside me. I turn to him and wink, and we both burst out laughing.

I clamp my hand over my mouth, considering all eyes and cameras are on me and Gloss, the two fools dying of laughter in front of all of Panem. But what do I care? I'm mentally unstable anyways.

That reminds me. They won't let me bring my medication into the arena with me. I will go crazy in there. Luckily Finnick will be there to keep me calm.

The rest of the chariots make it out, and I lean forward so I can see Finnick across the lot. He smiles and winks at me, and I bite my bottom lip to try to hide a smile. My eyes flash around at all the other victors, and they get caught on Johanna. She's pouting, and she's very unhappy. She's slumped over with her arms crossed, but Blight is standing up straight, waving.

I interrupt President Snow with my hysterical laughter, and he stops. Every single eye glares at me, including all of the other victors, and I bend over, clutching my stomach from laughing so hard. Then suddenly I hear another female laugh join in, and I look up to see Johanna pointing and laughing at me.

I point back at her, and this sets us off even more.

Next thing you know, Finnick is joined in laughing with us, and then Mags starts to giggle.

Then Chaff is set off with his big deep laugh, and we can hear Haymitch and Trixie laughing from their spot in the audience.

It's just the seven of us, laughing our heads off in front of the nation, and the audience is dead silent.

President Snow clears his throat, and I turn to look at him. He staring at me, and I raise my eyebrows and grin. "Watch this Glossy," I whisper.

"Gemma what ar-"

I cut him off with my scream, "You're a joke, Snow!" Then I continue laughing again. But it's not my innocent laughter from before, it's my crazy hysterical laughter I get right before I snap. I grab Gloss's arm, "We need to get out of here, now. I need my meds." I hiss at him.

His eyes widen and he tells me to be quiet so he can finish so we can leave. I cooperate, and President Snow continues. I have to do all that I can not to shout out anymore.

I squeeze my eyes shut, I bite my tongue, I pinch myself. Luckily we're on our way back now. No one cheers for us.

The chariots pull out, and Gloss begins to talk to me, "Gemma, what was that out there?"

Something comes over me, and I lean forward so I'm in his face, and then I scream, "Woop-de-fucking-doo-" And then someone yanks me back. I stumble and fall into their arms. "Let go of me! Don't touch me!" I say, punching the person.

"Gemma! Stop!" It's Finnick. He straightens me up.

"Oh! Finnick! Baby! Hi!" I say, squeezing his cheeks.

"Gemma, what's wrong with you? You're crazy!" I know he doesn't mean it literally, and he has no idea I didn't take my meds.

"I AM! I REALLY AM!" I scream at his face, throwing my arms around.

He grabs them with one hand, and he turns to Gloss, "What's wrong with her?"

"I CAN SPEAK, YOU KNOW! Helllllooooo!" I say to Finnick, trying to wiggle my hands free. His grip tightens.

"She didn't take her medication today." Gloss answers him. I can hear Finnick sigh.

"Who Cares Anywaaaaays? I'm going to be like this in the arenaaa!" I say in a weird voice.

That's when Penelope comes over, "Gemma! What was that! You made a fool of District one!" She's actually crying. For a split second I feel bad, but then it's replaced by silliness.

I reach over and wipe away her tears. I pretend to act child like, "It's okay, Penny, It's okay. Don't cry!" She growls and stomps away. "Geeeesh! What's wrong with her?"

"Gemma, come with me, please." Finnick says, taking my hand. I grab it away from him.

"No!" That's when I see him, beautiful Ky, standing behind him. A smile makes its way to my face. "Ky," I whisper.

"No, love, it's Finnick. Come on." He says tugging on my hand again. I reach over his shoulder, trying to get to Ky. But then Ky's shaking his head, telling me to go.

"No! Ky! Don't leave! Ky!" I'm screaming.

"Gemma, sh!" Finnick says. Ky disappears into thin air, and I can feel the light leave my eyes. My shoulders slouch, and I clamp my mouth shut. Finnick tries to get me to walk again, but I stay put. That's when he sighs, picks me up, and flicks me over his shoulder.

I hear him talking to people, but I close my eyes and block out the world. Surely, this mustn't look good- A practically naked heart throb carrying another half naked woman out of the door. Oh well.

I don't object, I just go along with him, just like a rag doll.

After a while I feel him set me down on a table. I'm far to gone to notice anything around me though. My eyes are completely glazed over, and I'm staring at the wall. I'm back in the games, watching Ky die in my arms.

I begin to rub my arms, not knowing what I'm doing. I don't feel it, just a bit of pressure. The next thing I hear is Finnick's screaming in the distance, and my hands being pulled away.

My eyes slip close, and I don't open them again.

…

I awake a while later, and I'm curled up in Finnick's lap in a chair. How did I even get here?

He's asleep also, and I feel bad about waking him. My head is tucked under his chin, and he looks comfortable. Well at least, I'm comfortable, snuggled against him. Someone places a blanket over us, too. "Finnick?" I whisper, shaking his arm lightly.

He jumps awake, screaming, "Run!"

"Sh, it's okay Finnick, look at me." He looks down at me and gives me a sleepy smile, but I can see it in his eyes. The fear. The pain.

I rub his chest, "Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yes," He whispers.

"About what?" I ask him.

"I don't want to talk about it." He leans down and kisses my forehead.

"Was it about me?" I wonder.

"Yes. Now let's stop." I sigh, I'm not going to puss him anymore.

"So what happen to me? The last thing I remember were the chariots pulling out."

He snorts. That's obviously not a good sign. "Where do I begin?" He breaths in. Then he tells me about what I said to President Snow during the ceremonies, and what happened after. How I had my panic attack, because I didn't take my medicine. And then he told me after he brought me here, I started to rip the skin from my arms.

I gasp, "I did what?" Then I look down and see both my arms bandages.

"You were mumbling something about Ky being in your arms, and you just started to rip the skin off. I don't know what happen." He says. Then it all comes rushing back to me, and I put my head into Finnick's crook in his neck and sigh. "What?"

"I was back in the games, Ky was in my arms dying, again. I was trying to get him off…" I say, shivers run through my body.

"Oh… are you cold?" Finnick asks me.

"A little. Can we just go back now?"

He nods and we stand up. He wraps the blanket tighter around my shoulders and walks me out the door. He guilds me back to the training center, where I go to floor four with him.

Once we're in the confinement of the room I rip off my ridiculous outfit before jumping into bed. He does the same, and we cuddle into each other.

I'm half asleep, and I ask, "Finnick... what happens if one of us dies in there... I can't live without you."

I feel him bend down and kiss my forehead, and he mumbles in my ear, "Don't worry, my love, I have a plan."


	16. Chapter 16: I'll help myself

_Hey everyone :) here's the new chapter! I'm sorry about the late update last night, but this one is earlier, (: I hope you all like it, it's one of my favorites for some reason. _

_Review? And check out my tumblr, meganlucindaxo . tumblr . com – I changed it up quite a bit and I'd love some opinions on what you think! Thank you :)_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

_**"**__**You know, now that we've gotten rid of all the hair and filth, you're not horrible at all!**__**"**__ –Flavius_

* * *

><p>"That was quite the show yesterday, my girlie." Chaff yells, picking me up off my feet and swinging me in a circle. I can't stop laughing.<p>

"Chaff! Chaff stop!" I gasp for air. It's the first day of training, and I don't really plan on doing anything. I don't want to kill any of my family, and I don't plan on it.

He lays me down, "Seriously, Gem, what was with that last night?" He asks me seriously.

"Well I was just telling the truth… I'm not going to hurt any of my family, I won't do it." I state, crossing my arms.

"Well… You almost guaranteed yourself to die in that arena with that one." He says.

I roll my eyes and laugh again, "I can take care of myself, Chaffy." Then I tap his cheek. I turn and begin to walk away, when I feel his hand come in contact with my ass. I flip around, jaw hanging open, "Chaff!"

He bends over, beside himself in laughter, "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Run along now, girlie, and learn something useful."

I snort, but turn around and continue to walk away anyways.

I spent a lot of the morning with Johanna and Blight axing and some time with Peeta and Katniss at a few stations. Then I decide to spend some time by myself, just watching all of my friends. I notice Finnick often tormenting Katniss, trying to make her uncomfortable by flirting with her. I can't help but laugh.

I go back over to Johanna, who is alone at the fire making station. I tell her about Finnick talking to Katniss, and she can't stop laughing. Then she tells me about her stripping off in the elevator with them last night, and how rude Katniss got.

I actually fell to the floor I was laughing so hard.

A few assistants came to see if I was alright, and Johanna picked up for me again, telling them I was fine. She held out her hand after I finally calmed down some, and I took it. "Thanks, Jo." I tell her, brushing myself off.

She chuckles, "Anytime, Gem."

The bell signals that it's time for lunch, and I fell a arm go around my waist. I look up to find Finnick, and I turn and press myself into him. "I missed you. Sit with me at lunch?" I ask him.

"Course," He says. We begin to walk, and I turn back to Johanna.

"Come on, Jo. You're sitting with me!" She seems surprised by my offer, probably thinking the two love birds would eat alone, but I grab her arm, dragging her along.

Look at the three of us. Me, Finnick, Johanna. Best Friends.

How am I supposed to live without them?

Once we get to the cafeteria, the three of us line up to get our food. Finnick offers to take my tray, and I thank him. He takes them both in one arm, using his other to wrap around my waist. We walk over to a big table, and I see Chaff and Brutus pulling tables together. "What are you doing?" I ask them.

Seeder answers, who is standing on the side lines, "We're a family. Families eat together."

I give her a sad smile, and tears cover my face. "S-seeder?" I ask her.

"Yes, Gem?"

"C-can I maybe have a hug?" I whisper in a child like voice.

She grins, and I see tears swimming in her eyes, too. She pulls me into a hug, and I breathe in her smell. She smells like all different types of berries. I don't want to forget any detail about my friends here if I'm going to die.

We pull back, "Come on, sit down." She says. I sit across from Seeder, and in between Finnick and Johanna. Finnick holds my hand the whole time, never letting go. I see Katniss and Peeta eating alone at a table, and I wonder why they aren't coming over with us.

"Finn?" I whisper.

"Yep?" He mumble with a mouth full of bread.

"Why aren't they sitting with us, you think?" I ask him.

"They don't know us Gem… they just won. They have no idea who we are." He answers. It makes sense; they only know each other.

"They could get to know us," I say, elbowing him.

"Why would they want too, if they will have to kill us, love?" The realization hits me hard, and I hate it.

My chest feels hollow, like someone has torn out my heart. I look to my lap, and I feel Johanna slap my arm. My head snaps to her. "Hm?"

She reaches over and taps Finnick's shoulder before talking, "What's the allies situation here?" She asks both of us.

I look back to Finnick, and I can't tell what he's saying in his eyes. He's obviously telling her something, because she nods, and turns to talk to Blight. "What was that?" I ask him.

"What?" Don't even bother playing dumb, Finn.

"You know what, what was that look about!"

He smirks, and pulls me onto his waist, "Nothing, love, and you need to relax." I rest my head on his shoulder and sigh. I glance over at Peeta and Katniss for a minute, and I notice Katniss glaring at me.

"One minute," I say to Finnick, sliding off of him.

I begin to walk closer to Peeta and Katniss. "Where are you going?" Finnick says after me. I ignore him, and eventually reach their table.

"Hey Peeta, Katniss." I say.

"Oh, hey Gemma, how are you?" Peeta asks me. He's so kind; Katniss is so lucky and she doesn't even realize it.

"I'm fine, thank you. I wanted to know if you guys wanted to come eat with us? I'm sure we'd all love to know more about you."

I see Peeta turn to Katniss, begging with his eyes. Katniss shakes her head, "No, it's okay."

I smile, "Okay! Feel free to join us, if you'd like." Then I give them a little wave and bounce back to our table.

When I sit back down, I see Haymitch talking to Finnick at the other end of the room. I sigh and get up again, walking over to them. "Hey you two, what are you talking about?" I ask them.

"Katniss wants Mags as an ally," Haymitch tells me.

"Isn't Mags with us, though, Finnick?" I ask Finnick. I was thinking it was going to be me, Finnick, Johanna and Mags. Maybe Chaff and Seeder, if they'd want.

"Exactly," Haymitch interrupts.

"So, are we going to be with them too?" I ask them both.

Finnick sighs and turns his gaze to Katniss, "Looks like it. It's going to take some convincing, is all."

I groan, "Great."

Haymitch laughs at me, "What's wrong, sweetheart? Don't like Katniss very well, do you?"

I chuckle, "Not particularly. I like Peeta a lot though, he's so sweet." I push myself into Finnick's arms, and he holds me. "How am I supposed to kill anyone here, Haymitch? They're my family. I refuse."

He leans over and pats my shoulder, then sends Finnick a look, just like the one Finnick sent Johanna earlier. I just roll my eyes and ignore them as the alarm goes off, signalling the end of lunch.

I spend the afternoon laughing with Enobaria and Brutus at the knife throwing station. I discover that I want sharp teeth like Enobaria; they could become very useful.

…

The past two days of training has gone by very slowly, which is good and bad. We are waiting for our private training sessions now. Tomorrow we have a free day to do what we wish, the day after that is interview prep, and the day after that is the interviews. Then we are back into the nightmare.

I hold Gloss's hand as we wait; I'm first. Something is holding them up though, and the wait is killing me. I look down to Finnick, and he gives me a thumbs up.

"Gemma Stone, District 1." I hear a robotic voice announce; that's different since the last time being here. I stand up and take a look at the other victors, and a lot of them shout out 'Good luck'.

What they don't know is that I'm not even going to try. I already know I'm deadly, and I can kill, so why does a stupid number matter?

I walk into the room, and I see the game makers sitting in their spot, watching me. I stand in front of them, and they raise their eyebrows. I purse my lips, regarding the big see through net separating the gamemakers and me.

That's when I realize what I'm going to do. I slowly walk forward, away from all obstacles and weapons, and I hear a few of them snicker.

I'm standing so close to the net that it's touching my nose. The head game maker, Plutarch, stands up and walks up to me. We are face to face with only a thin netting between us.

I let a sly smile grow on my face, and I raise my hands to the net above my head. He watches intently, confused as to what I'm going to do, and then I take off full force, climbing up the net. I hear them gasp and I laugh.

I'm at the top, and I fling my legs over, preparing myself for the big fall that's coming.

I get the tiny sensation that I'm flying, and then I come in contact with the floor. I quickly steady myself, and then I'm on the same side as the game makers. No other tribute has been here.

Immediately the game makers start fussing, shouting and complaining; but Plutarch just tells them all to shut up and he snickers at me.

I slowly walk over to the giant feast set up, and despite my huge lunch, take a plate and start filling it full.

Then once it's full, I walk over to a seat next to a fat game maker named Isaac and begin to eat. "Hey, how's it going?" I ask him, nodding.

He snorts, "Is this a joke?"

"Well, yes, obviously." I take a bite into the chicken leg I was eating, then shove it in his face, "Want some?"

His face turns bright red and his nostrils flare, "This is an OUTRAGE!" He screams.

"Woah, bro, calm down!" I scream right back, sarcastically.

All of the other game makers are loving this. And I turn to them and smile and nod my head. They mimic the motion.

Isaac stands up, "You are dismissed, Miss Stone."

I stand up too, "Can I take this with me?" I motion to the plate.

"Yes. Get. Out." He says through gritted teeth. I walk back over to the net, slapping Plutarch in a light friendly way on the way, and then I climb up, holding the plate in one hand. Once I'm at the top I sit for a second, then I flick the plate down at the game makers as hard as I can. "Oops; sorry." I say with a smirk. Then I climb down the net and begin to walk away.

Once I'm near the door I hear them shouting about me, and I can't help but laugh at them.

* * *

><p><em>Oh, don't you just love Gemma?<em>


	17. Chapter 17: Eleven to One

_Hey guys! I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday! I try to update every day after school, but yesterday I had to go to my friend's house to work on our project. We are making a video of us acting out a scene from Romeo and Juliet, and my friend Ryan is Juliet (Don't ask why a guy is playing a girl) and I will never be able to un-see him in a dress/tights/bra. It was incredibly funny._

_Anyways, I wanted to let you all know that during my Easter holidays (6__th__ – 15__th__ of April) I will not be updating many chapters. I'll try my best to get one every few days, but my cousins from far away are flying in for the week and I haven't seen them in forever, so I won't really have time to write!_

_But until then I will be posting 1 – 2 chapters a day, depending on the review count! More than 4 reviews today and I will update again (it may be late!)._

_So yeah, I hope you like the chapter xD _

_Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr… I follow back! (:_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

"_**I don't think they'll let you have desert… and you can!"**__ –Effie, THG movie._

* * *

><p>We all sit in the victors lounge after the private training sessions; they are letting all the victors, mentors, escorts, and stylists (Well and Trixie of course) gather here to watch.<p>

Then I notice the only ones missing are the crew from District 12. It's probably too painful for Haymitch to bear, and Katniss and Peeta like to be alone, I think.

After I told everyone what I did, they just couldn't stop laughing. They just laughed and laughed. I laughed with them of course, but I really didn't think it was that funny. It was probably the first time in hunger games history that someone did that.

The big screen buzzes, and Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith appear on the screen. They quickly explain about the training scores, like every year, and then my picture pops up.

I grip onto Finnick's hand for support and close my eyes.

They talk about what I must have done, and how… special, it was.

Then they announce it.

I receive a 1.

A 1.

I open my eyes, and I burst out laughing. How can I not? I got a one! The first time that someone from the career district got a one!

The whole room is stunned though, no one's talking. They quickly move onto Gloss. He gets a 9.

Enobaria gets a 10. Brutus pulls off an 11.I congratulate the 3 of them, and they compliment me on my guts; I completely miss district 3.

Mags receives a 3. The poor thing, she's almost 80, she can't do much. I give her a hug though, telling her that I'm proud of her. I love Mags.

Then it moves onto Finnick, and it shows him rocking his amazing smile. The crowd goes wild, and a few ladies even faint. I look up to him and he's smirking like crazy. I hit him hard in the chest, "Hey!" he complains.

"Shut up your scores coming on!" I tell him. His score comes up and he receives an 11. And I got a 1. I look up at him, and he bends down to kiss me. "Good Job," I whisper to him.

Districts 5 & 6 Is nothing interesting. Johanna being the bad ass she is receives a 9 and Blight receives a 6. Districts 8, 9, and 10 are boring too; Zayna or Jolie aren't competing, luckily.

Then it moves onto district 11, and big brutal Chaff receives a 10- he volunteered; he could never stay out of a fight. I go over to him and slap his head, "Good one, Chaffy," I say.

He just snickers, and I look to the screen again. Seeder receives a 5.

I walk back over to my seat, and with a sigh I fall onto Finnick's lap. That's when Peeta's and Katniss's picture shows up.

I'm surprised as to why they are together being shown, but whatever. Caesar is speechless for one second and then he speaks...

"Folks, this… this is unbelievable! District twelve has done it again!" The crowd is gone crazy, wanting to know their scores, so Caesar continues… "Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen, the star crossed lovers of district 12 each receive… twelves!"

The room is silent. What?

No one, not one person in the last 75 years has received a 12. I look to Finnick and he's shocked, jaw gaping open. "What… how…" He mumbles to himself.

I think about it. They must have done something pretty damn amazing to receive twelves. Not even the best of the best get twelves, and they're both only new and young victors.

That's when I understand; the gamemakers didn't give them each a twelve because they are super skilled. They gave them twelve so people like Enobaria and Brutus would go after them.

I look to see the tributes from two grinning at each other mischievously; they are already forming a plan. This is not good, not good at all.

But on the other hand, I received the lowest score out of all the tributes, including the eighty year olds and the drunkards and the morphine addicts. I don't know if that's good or bad. Maybe everyone will pity me because I will be going crazy without my medication, and that they all love Trixie. If one of them kill me, and then end up winning, they better watch out for Trixie and Haymitch.

…

"I can't believe you received a one," Finnick says, laughing at me as we walk to his room.

"Shut up! I couldn't help it! I refuse to kill any of my family, unless it's to protect you…" I say.

We make it to floor four, and he grabs my hand and drags me in, very quickly. "Gemma I need you to listen to me, okay?" He says.

"Yeah, anything, Finn."

"You can't protect me, okay? You have to protect Katniss and Peeta."

I snort. Like hell I'm going to protect the two of them, well I might actually protect Peeta but not Katniss. "Pfft, no way. I have you and Johanna in there with me, Finn! You two are my best friends, why would I protect Katniss and Peeta over you two?"

"I can't tell you. But you just need to. Promise me."

"No." I cross my arms.

"Gemma. Promise. Me." He says.

"No Finn. I will normally do everything for you, but not this. I'm sorry, but no." He sighs, and starts removing his clothes. "Finn, come on. Really, how could you ask me to protect those two people I barely know, when I have my love and my best friend along with the rest of my family in there with me?"

He's completely naked, and he comes over and takes my face in his hands, "Forget it, okay? Now come to bed with me, love." Then he kisses me before dragging me down on the bed with him.

…

"So what are we gonna do today? We have a free day?" I ask Finnick from my spot in his arms.

"Let's spend the day with Trixie… it could be my last…" He whispers into my neck as he kisses it.

"Don't talk like that; we'll find a way…" I whisper, but I know it's not true. Only one can come out, and I'm sure it's not going to be me. They are going to try to get Finn to win, because he is so desirable… all of the capitol women would be crushed if their Finnick Odair died.

I slowly get out of the bed, shoving on my usual outfit of one of his baggy shirts over the shoulder and shorts. When I'm dressed I put my hands on my hips, waiting for him to get up.

He jumps up out of the bed and hauls on his boxers and jeans. "No Shirt this morning?" I ask him.

"Nope!" Then he slides on some sneakers and grabs my hand, and we leave the room.

We go down to the dining hall, and the first one to see us is Tillie, "Finnick Odair! Where is your shirt!" She practically screams. That's when Penelope and District Twelve's escort come over to take her away. The three of them are apparently best friends, or something.

I laugh to myself, and I tell Finnick I'll see him later. I go over and sit at the district twelve table, because that's where Trixie is. She's having a lovely conversation with Peeta, and Katniss is nowhere to be found. Haymitch looks terrible; I think he's actually sober for once.

"Hey guys," I say to the crowd.

"Hi mommy!" Trixie greets me.

"Hey, Gemma," Peeta says, smiling at me.

Haymitch just groans. "What's up your butt Haymitch?" I ask him, smirking.

Peeta and Trixie find this absolutely hilarious. "What?" Haymitch says, looking up.

"I asked you what was up your butt. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is up my butt, sweetheart. Sobriety is harder than it looks. Not to mention the flashbacks and nightmares." He closes his eyes and puts two shaky hands over them.

I reach over and touch them, "Hay, it's okay. There's nothing you can do about them, but we all have them… it's okay…"

He slowly removes them, "Thanks Gem… Did you eat anything yet? The buffet is over there." He points to a big cart of food set up close by.

"No, I'm going over there now. Trixie did you eat? Wanna come with me?" She smiles and crawls over Peeta to get out. I take her hand, and we walk over to the buffet. I take two plates off the pile, giving one to her, and we start to fill them. She takes some pancakes, strawberries, and grapes; I take some district four bread (they have every kind of bread you can imagine here… but I like the district four the best… its salty, like the sea), bacon, eggs, and an apple. "Do you want hot chocolate with yours?" I ask her. She nods. So then I fill two big mugs of hot chocolate, placing a few little marshmallows in each. I balance the plate on my arm, and take two mugs in each hand; then we walk back to our table.

We sit down again, and Haymitch takes a piece of bacon off of my plate. "Do you want some?" I ask him.

He grumbles something, but he nods. I figured he'd be hungry, so I took a lot extra of everything. I walk swiftly over to the buffet again, grab a plate, and walk back. Then I load it with half of everything on my plate. "Thanks, sweetheart." He says after I lay it in front of him.

I smile, "No problem, Hay."

I don't know why I'm being so kind to him this morning. I mean usually I'm joking around or teasing him, not just genuinely kind. But I guess it's because I am only going to be alive for a few more days, so I want him to remember me as being nice, along with kind.

An avox comes over holding a pill in a little container, and I wonder why I'm getting it right now. I usually get it during dinner. That's when I remember I didn't get it last night. I'm surprised I lasted this long without having one of my fits. I take it greedily and place it on my tongue. After a few minutes I pretend to swallow, but I don't swallow the pill.

Haymitch takes my face in his hands just as Katniss walks in and sits down. "What are you doing Haymitch?" She asks him.

"Open up, sweetheart." He says to me. Ugh. I can't get away with anything anymore. I roll my eyes and open my mouth. I managed to hide it under my tongue. "Lift up your tongue." He directs me. I do so, and surely enough it's there. "Swallow it, Gemma." He tells me. I give in and do so. "Good girl." He says, releasing my face.

"What was that?" Katniss asks again.

"Well, Gemma tries to get away with not taking her medication some times, like just then, so someone always has to check to make sure she swallowed it." Haymitch explains.

Katniss snorts but quickly tries to cover it up. "Katniss," Peeta starts.

Despite the pill normally calming me down, I feel so incredibly pissed off by that tiny act of disrespect. I narrow my eyes at her, and turn my head to the side. She meets my gaze with a cold stare; but mines colder. "Gemma, don't." Haymitch says, putting his hand on my arm.

"Let go Haymitch." I'm about to explode. I can feel it. The pill mustn't have taken effect yet.

Katniss lets a tiny smirk grow on her face, and that's it. I lunge across the table and take her head in my hands, pulling her to me. Food goes flying in every direction, and I hear Trixie cry out. "Watch out in that arena, you little-"

I get cut off with a sharp pain in my head, and then I collapse and the world goes black.


	18. Chapter 18: I'm coming home

_Hey guys! Because I already got four reviews on the last chapter, here's the next one! (: The next chapter begins the games! Tell me what you think :)_

_I hope you like it! Thank you all : )  
><em>

_ Anon: I understand that you think Gemma is a Mary Sue (Everyone has their own opinions!), but in my eyes she is far from it. She has so many problems and mental issues, how can she possibly be perfect? Not to mention she looks far from perfect xD And about my writing style, I'm glad to have your input. I'll try to improve… But anyways, thanks for the review._

_ QueenOfSwordsAndFire: Don't you just love Effie! xD That is Mahogany is officially my new favorite quote… she's so perfect! _

_LinneaPike: Your review just made my day! Ahhaha I agree, Katniss is a moody bitch, or at least that's what I think! xD_

_I do not own the hunger games or this song!_

_xXxXx_

"_**I must have loved you a lot."  
>"You did." <strong>__–Peeta and Katniss_

* * *

><p>"What the fuck…" I grumble while opening my eyes.<p>

"Gemma!" Finnick shouts at me; he's pacing the room.

"What the hell happen?" I ask him, bringing my hand to me head. It's pounding.

"You attacked Katniss!" Then he explains to me what had happen. Katniss was smirking at me, or something along those lines, and I snapped. I lunged foreword and grabbed her, bringing her to me so I could whisper something about her watching her back in the arena. That's when Peeta took a plate and slammed it down over my head, knocking me out, before Katniss drove her knife into my back. She got my arm instead. Apparently it was quite the scene.

I look down to my arm, and it's wrapped in a bandage. I groan.

I get up from the couch I was lying on in the victor's lounge, and I walk over to Finnick. To stop his pacing, I wrap my arms around him. "I'm sorry…" I whisper.

"Gemma, this screws up everything…" He says.

"What?" I ask him.

As an answer, he grabs my wrist and drags me out of the room and down the hall. He brings me to the roof, Haymitch is already there. He smirks like crazy when he sees me.

Then they explain everything; about how Katniss is the face of the rebellion, and how they are going to get us all out if they can. And how Finnick has to protect Katniss at all cost so she can make it out for sure. Then they explain the plan, and how Wiress and Beetee need to be kept alive. They say Johanna's going to look after them, and Finnick was supposed to look after me, Katniss, Peeta, and Mags. But now there is definitely no way Katniss will ever partner with me in there, considering I just threatened her life.

It makes so much more sense now. I was so fucking stupid.

"So… I guess I'll have to go with Johanna and Wiress and Beetee then?" I say.

Finnick looks to the ground, "I… I guess so…" He takes me in his arms, and then he turns to Haymitch, "I can't leave her… I can't-"

Haymitch cuts him off, "She'll be fine, Odair. She's with Johanna."

I look up at Finnick, "He's right, Finn, I'll be fine." But I can feel my eyes filling with tears; what if after we enter the arena, I never see Finn again? Or what if I see his face in the sky one night? I would kill myself.

He brushes hair from my face, "If you die, I swear to god I'll find a way to drag you out of the afterlife, and bring you back to life just so I can kill you again."

I smile and kiss him, "Finnick, seriously, I'll be okay."

I can see the tears in his own eyes, "Gemma… what would I do if I saw you in the sky one night? I… I don't want to think about what I'd do… I can't…"

I kiss him again to shut him up. "You won't. I won't let myself die, no matter what. We will all come out of that arena, me, you, Jo, Peeta, Katniss, Chaff, Gloss, everyone, and then we will take over the Capitol and we will be free… and then we will get married and have a ton of little Finnicks and Gemmas running around on the beach of district four…" I whisper in his ear.

Then he does something completely unexpected. He pulls away from me, but he takes my hand. Then he brings me over to the corner of the roof. He gets down onto his knees, and when I hesitate he pushes me down with him. Then he clamps his hands together, closing his eyes, and he begins mumbling to himself. Then I realize that he's praying. Praying for that to become a reality.

I let out a sob, but begin to pray myself. I pray for all of my family to get out safe, for this to work. I pray for the life we have been deprived of. I pray for my future children that I want so badly.

…

"Hey, ally." I say, tapping Johanna on the shoulder. She turns around, smiling.

"What'd you say?" She says, stifling a laugh.

"Me and you. We're allies in the arena." I say.

"I thought you were… with Finnick…" She says. I read between the lines- she's asking me if I know.

"I know, but we thought it would be better for me to go with you, because of Katniss…" I say. I emphases the 'I know' and I nod my head.

A grin appears on her face, and she hugs me. "Awesome!"

…

I spent the rest of yesterday hanging out with Trixie and Finnick. Then I went back to Finnick's room, where we did a little more than just sleeping, then we actually slept. Hours later I woke up, ate breakfast (I stayed as far away from Katniss as I could) and then I began my prep with Gloss with Penelope.

We have a mentor, but it's one of the victors that I never really wanted to talk too, so I decided to not even bother having her help me. I'm just going to be my rebellious self.

So that leads me to right now. My prep team is prepping me, getting me ready for the interviews which begin in an hour.

Actually I can't say they are prepping me right now, because they are done. I told them that if they covered up my scars that I would skin them alive; I wasn't lying.

I'm sitting with my legs crossed, waiting. The stylist comes in, carrying a big bag. Inside that bag I find a big, puffy, yellow dress.

I slide the dress on; it's very short- it only reaches above my knees. I like it though. It's strapless, and it's sparkly around my chest. _(A/N here's her dress! Prommafia . com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/yellow-tutu-prom-dress2 . jpg)_

They leave my hair down, but they curl it. There's not much else they can do with it, because of the length.

I put on some white heels and a diamond necklace, and then I leave the room. I find most of the other tributes waiting around. I see Finnick talking to Katniss again- wait a second, Katniss is wearing a wedding dress.

I look around the room, and I find Peeta. He's wearing a Tux. Wow.

I find Johanna and we talk for a bit. Then we just happen to bump into Katniss. She glares at me, but I just look her up and down, offering her a sympathetic smile. She softens a bit.

Jo reaches for Katniss's pearl necklace she's wearing, and she straightens it. "Make him pay for it, okay?" She whispers. Katniss nods.

Then we are called to go line up.

I officially hate being first. I get called out onto the stage.

"Hello, Gemma!" Caesar says.

"Hi Caesar…" I say quietly. I can feel the tension. Even though they all scream in the audience, I can tell they are all scared of me. They have a right to be. I'm a ticking time bomb, I could go off at any time.

"So Gemma, let's get right to it. You got a one in training? How did that happen? We all know you are worth definitely a 9!"

I smile sheepishly; that actually made me feel pretty good about myself. "Well, I can't tell you that Caesar! You are going to have to wait to see what happens in the arena!"

"Speaking of the arena, how do you feel about having to go back in there?"

I sigh, "It truly sucks, Caesar… Having to leave Trixie again, and all my new friends I made here in the capitol-" I pause and wink to the crowd, and I hear a few people shout out 'I love you Gemma!' and even a few 'Marry me!' "-but what's done is done. Hopefully I'll be able to win and come back to all of you amazing people!" I scream to the crowd.

They go crazy screaming. "You mentioned how you have to leave Trixie behind… are you currently leaving anyone else behind? A boyfriend maybe?"

"Well, Caesar, I do have a boyfriend." I hear people sigh in the crowd. "But I really don't think you all want to know who it is…" I taunt them.

"Tell us! Tell us!" The crowd chants.

"Well… his name is-" Beep! The buzzer goes off, and the crowd is frantic. They want to know so bad. "Sorry, maybe next time." I say, winking again.

Gloss is next, he whispers a good job as he passes me. He talks about how kind everyone at the Capitol has been to him the past years since his win.

Beetee questions the quell, and how it was made and everything. He's very scientific in public. Wiress is quiet, saying she will miss her family and friends back home.

Mags is sweet as always, but no one really understands her.

Finnick reads a poem, addressed to his one and only love. I know he means me, but no one else knows, besides from the victors. Almost all of the Capitol women faint, thinking its them.

Johanna is kind of funny to me. She talks about the bond between all of the victors, and how the Capitol never expected them to become like a family like they did. She asks the people if something can be done, or if they would do anything.

Seeder and Chaff surprise me. They both complain about how President Snow could change the quarter quell If he really wanted to.

Then there's Katniss. By the point it's District 12's turn, the crowd is a complete mess. They are all sobbing, and fainting, and screaming, and freaking out because they'll miss us all so much. Katniss says that she's so sorry that no one will get to see her at her wedding, and then she starts talking about her dress. She stands up and begins to twirl, raising her arms , and then Bam.

She goes up in smoke and flames, and then she's in a black dress. It's the same dress, only it's completely black and covered in feathers. She's a MockingJay.

I'm completely stunned. Katniss stylist rises from the crowd, they talk for a little longer and then her buzzer goes.

Peeta walks to the stage, and the audience is completely gone by this point. They don't know what to do with themselves. Peeta talks to Caesar like they're best friends for a while. Then he says something interesting, "Hey Caesar… do you think all of our friends here can keep a secret?"

Oh, what secret? "I feel quite certain of it." Caesar responds.

"We're already married." Peeta says quietly. Peeta explains the story to Caesar. "I'm not glad… I wish we could have waited for the whole thing to be done officially."

Caesar looks confused, "Surely even a brief time is better than no time?"

"Maybe I'd think that too, Caesar," Peeta says, almost rude, "if it weren't for the baby."

Wait. What.

Katniss is… Katniss is pregnant?

Oh my god.

The crowd is going crazy, demanding for them not to go back in. They aren't happy with this at all; in fact they hate it.

I'm completely stunned; my jaw is hanging open. Peeta's buzzer goes, and he is to shocked to even say goodbye. Katniss is pregnant. Oh my god.

Then when Peeta comes back to the row of chairs, we do it.

We all stand up, one by one, getting ready to wave and say goodbye, when I grab Gloss's hand. Then he grabs Enobarias, and she grabs Brutus's.

The next thing I know all the victor's are joining hands, so everyone knows; we are a family. No one can tear us apart.

The mob of people in front of us are gone even more crazy than they already were. Some of them are screaming out to Snow to cancel the games, some of them are trying to attack the peacekeepers.

This is it. The fire has officially caught on.

The lights go out, and we are trapped in darkness. I don't dare let go of Gloss's hand. "Finnick!" I scream out through the screams of people.

"Gemma!" I hear my name.

"Finnick! Follow my voice!" I keep screaming to him, and eventually I feel hands on me. "Finnick?" I ask.

"Oh Gemma, thank god. Don't let go of me." I hear Finnick say. I grab onto his arm with both hands, releasing Gloss, and we begin to try to get out of the darkness.

We finally make it out, and all of the victors go to the victors lounge to say goodbye before the games. Then I realize. This is my last time I am going to see my daughter.

She is staying with Haymitch in his room tonight, because we have to leave early in the morning.

I let go of Finnick and as soon as I see her I run to her. She jumps into my arms, and at the same time we burst out crying. "Sh, baby, it's okay." I say, rocking her.

"Promise me you'll come home!" She wails.

"I'm coming home, baby." I whisper into her ear.

We just hug each other for a while, and then Finnick and the other victors come to say good bye. She wails and clings to all of them, begging them to stay. Eventually the room clears out except for the three of us. "Come on, baby, it's time to sleep." Finnick says. We each take one of her hands as we walk to floor twelve.

Once we're in there, she changes into her pyjamas, and she begins to cry again. I tuck her into bed. "Sh, don't cry… We'll come home, baby…" I say, wiping the hair out of her face.

She can't bring herself to talk, she just quietly sobs.

"Want me to sing to you?" I ask her. She nods. I tell Finnick to come here, and I whisper a song to him. He's going to sing with me…

_"I see a rainbow of colors spread out before me_  
><em>I follow winding lines down a desolate road<em>  
><em>I really don't mind what they say about me<em>  
><em>I got a long way to ride to get where I want to go<em>

_It's alright, baby it's okay, I'm gonna pack my bags I'll be on my way_  
><em>I'm coming back home, coming back home.<em>  
><em>No more worries about the past, I know with you it's meant to last<em>  
><em>I'll never be alone, coming back home<em>

_Traveled many a mile, seen so many places_  
><em>The faces they pass, walking down this road<em>  
><em>I really don't mind what they say about me<em>  
><em>I got a long way to ride to get where I want to go<em>

_It's alright, baby it's okay, I'm gonna pack my bags I'll be on my way_  
><em>I'm coming back home, coming back home.<em>  
><em>No more worries about the past, I know with you it's meant to last<em>  
><em>I'll never be alone, coming back home<em>

_I'd drive about a million miles_  
><em>Just to get to see you smile<em>

_It's alright, baby it's okay, I'm gonna pack my bags I'll be on my way_  
><em>I'm coming back home, I'm coming back home.<em>  
><em>No more worries about the past, I know with you it's meant to last<em>  
><em>I'll never be alone, I'm coming back home<em>

_It's alright, baby it's okay, I'm gonna pack my bags I'll be on my way_  
><em>I'm coming back home, coming back home.<em>  
><em>No more worries about the past, I know with you it's meant to last<em>  
><em>I'll never be alone, coming back home<em>

_I'm coming back home_  
><em>I'm coming back home"<em>

We sing it very soft and soothing, like a lullaby, and once we're finished she's asleep. I lean down and kiss her forehead, tears dripping down my face as I whisper, "Good-Bye, little monkey."


	19. Chapter 19: Raining blood and tears

_Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews! They mean so much to me!_

_Review this chapter and tell me what you think; I think I'm going a bit fast, but I'm finding it hard to write what It would be like in the arena before they meet up with Finnick and Katniss and Peeta!_

_But yeah, Anyways I hope you like it! The games will probably end the next chapter; considering they are only 3 days long!_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

_**"I do think you're mad, and I'll still go with you."** –Gale_

* * *

><p>"I love you." I say, clutching onto Finnick chest. This is the last time I get to see him before entering the arena. "Don't you ever forget it, okay?"<p>

"You know I won't. I love you more than anything." He leans down and kisses me, long and passionately.

We pull apart when Gloss taps me on the shoulder, "Come on. We got to go." He's here to collect me to bring me to the hovercraft.

Tears start flowing down my face and Gloss starts to drag me away, "Finnick! No!" I screech.

He just stands there, looking at me with those big sea green eyes that are swimming with tears. He blows me a kiss, and I get frantic. I start hitting Gloss, "No! Finnick! No!" I keep screaming.

I manage to get out of Gloss's arms and I run back to Finnick, throwing my arms around him. "Finnick I don't want to go!" I cry into him like a little child.

He pulls me from him and puts both his hands on my shoulders, "Hey. You have to go, okay? I'll see you in the arena… I'll convince Katniss to let me team up with you. I love you, but you have to go."

I stare at the floor, "Okay…" I whisper. I kiss him once more, and then I turn around, following Gloss. I slip my hand into his for support, and he interlocks out fingers. I lean onto his arm and cry as we step onto the hovercraft.

…

"There." My stylist says as she dresses me in an all blue jumpsuit. I have a purple belt wrapped around me, too, and it's got a liquid in it. I poke at it, trying to figure it out. "Come on."

She walks me over to the disk that will rise me up into the arena, and I start to hyperventilate a bit. It's going to be okay, we will all get out. They are going to get us out. All of my friends and family are up there, I will get to be with them. No one will die, we are all going to be fine.

I step on, and the case comes down over me. My stylist nods, and waves, and I glare at her. She takes a step back, and turns to go; she doesn't even wait for me to rise.

But then the plate moves and I rise up. The first thing I smell is the ocean, then I see it. The arena. It was made for me and Finnick.

The cornucopia sits on an island in the middle of the arena. Surrounding that island is all salt water. The plate have risen up through the water, it laps at our feet. You have to swim to get to the island. This is awesome.

I look around. To my left is Brutus, and to my right is one of the morphine addicts. Johanna is 4 tributes to the left of me. I lean forward so I can see her, and she nods at me, giving me a wicked grin. I wonder if she knows how to swim.

I don't see Finnick, he must be on the other side.

"3…2…1… Begin!" The gong rings and I'm the first one in the water. I fly through it, swimming like a fish. I'm one of the first ones on there. I start picking through the materials; I grab a few knives, an axe for Johanna, a sword, and a spear.

"Hey!" I jump at the voice behind me, but it's only Johanna.

"Thank god, here." I hand her the axe. She looks at it for a split second, then she grabs it from me. She turns to the pile of weapons, and she grabs two more smaller knives. She loops them through her belt.

I look around, and I see Finnick and Katniss talking. Then bam! Finnick kills the first tribute of the day, the male from district 5.

I haven't been face to face with blood and murders in so long, I feel sick. I lean over onto my knees and start throwing my stomach up.

Johanna rubs my back for a split second, and then she's dragging me up. "We have to go." She says.

"Wait! I need to see Finnick first!" I take off towards Finnick and Katniss, and when Finnick sees me his face lights up. I run straight into his arms, but then I feel something at my back. A knife.

"Katniss…" Finnick warns.

I slowly turn around, facing Katniss. She has her knife at my throat, bow and arrow in her other arm. I slowly raise my spear. "You don't want to do this, Katniss." I say.

She smirks at me, and I can feel myself letting go. "Finnick, I need to go. I'm going to be set off any minute. I can't control myself, I need to go, now."

He knocks Katniss's knife away from me, and he kisses me for a split second. "Go, quickly. I love you." Then he pushes me away.

I take off running, dodging weapons and dead bodies as I go.

I take a look around. Other than Finnick's kill, there are numerous bodies. The male morphling from 6, Cecelia, Woof, The boy and girl from district 9, and Seeder. That's 7 dead at the bloodbath.

Wait. No! Not Seeder!

I run over to her dead body, and I hold her hand for a split second. I see the male from eight running towards me, so I quickly kiss Seeder's forehead, whispering goodbye, before I take off running again.

Wiress is with Johanna at the edge of the island; Beetee is stuck floating in the water. "I'll get him." I say. I dive down deep into the water, and swim to him. He is bobbing up and down, so I grab his arm and pull him along. "Thanks, Gem," He says.

"No problem Beetee. We have to go now, come on."

"No wait! I need something first!" Beetee says, getting ready to take off into the cornucopia.

"Wait, what? I'll get it!" I say.

He points to a coil, "Wire." I nod and take off into the cornucopia again. I reach the coil in no time.

I grab it, but then some force knocked me down. I'm trying to get my breathing back to normal when I feel a sharp pain in my arm. I scream out in agony. I look up to see Brutus standing over me, looking half sympathetic. He drove a dagger down through my arm, it went right through.

"Brutus! Fuck!" I scream, trying to get up.

I hear someone shouting after Brutus, right before he can drive his knife through my throat. "Later…" He whispers to me, then he takes off.

Johanna reaches me, "Gemma! Oh my god, come on, get up!" She takes the coil from my hand and she tosses it over her shoulder, into Beetee's hands. I scream again when she takes me by the shoulders and picks me up.

I clutch my arm, gritting my teeth. I scream every swear word I possibly know, and then we start running.

We run into the forest, and once we are far enough away that we can't see the cornucopia, I sit down on a log. I take deep breathes, trying to calm myself. "This is going to hurt." Johanna says, wrapping her hand around the dagger.

I shove my arm in my mouth to try to block the scream that's coming, "Do it." I mumble.

She does it, and it hurts worse than when I actually got stabbed. I bite my arm until I taste blood, and tears stream down my face. "Hey, Nuts and Volts, you have any idea how to stop this bleeding?" Johanna asks Beetee and Wiress. She never really liked them.

I watch as Wiress grabs a big leaf from a nearby tree and hands it to Johanna. It easily wraps around my arm twice, so Johanna wraps it tightly and then ties it. It stops bleeding a bit, but we need some kind of bandages.

We stand up and start walking again. I don't really know where we're going, but we're going some where.

…

It's been a few hours, and we're still walking. Wiress has started saying some chant, "Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the clock." I try to talk to her, but that's all she says. She just rocks back and forth when we stop, saying that chant over and over again. Johanna is so annoyed with her, she's even threatened to kill her if she didn't shut up a couple times.

"I'm exhausted, we need to stop." I say, falling to the ground. It's starting to get dark already. Wiress sits on the ground, curling into a ball, saying her chant again. Beetee sits against a tree, studying his wire. Johanna walks over to me, and sits across from me.

"I guess this is a good of place as any to stay tonight, huh?" She asks. I nod.

Time passes slowly, but eventually it gets dark. The anthem booms over the arena, and I see those seven faces in the sky. I start to cry at Cecelia; she has three children. I imagine what Trixie would be like right now if she saw my face in the sky. It only gets worse when Seeders smiling face appears.

Beetee offers to watch first, so me and Johanna lie next to each other on our backs. We eventually drift into sleep.

…

"Finnick!" I bolt upright, screaming my head off. I was just having a nightmare about Brutus stabbing right through Finnick's body, over and over.

"Sh!" Johanna warns me. She was the one on watch. Beetee and Wiress both wake; it's morning anyways.

_Boom! _A canon goes.

Please dear god do not let it be Finnick. Please.

I shut my eyes, and then Johanna nudges me. "It's okay. Let's find some food, I'm super hungry." I shakily get up, and I give Beetee the dagger we have and Wiress a big knife. I tell them to stay here, and that we'll be back soon.

Me and Johanna search for food, but we can't really find anything. The most we find are some edible plants and some nuts; they'll have to do.

We bring our big bunch of nuts and plants back to the others, and we sit down. We eat in silence.

_Boom! _Yet another Canon goes. I look to Johanna with wide eyes, and she reaches over and takes my hand. Then we continue eating in more silence.

After we are done eating, Wiress manages to unwrap my arm. It's infected; swollen, red, and spewing pus. I feel vile rise in my throat when I look at it. "Is it bad, Wire?" I ask her.

"Tick tock." She says. We have no water to clean it, so the most she can do is wrap it up again. My tongue and lips are completely dry. They feel like sandpaper.

"We need water." I tell everyone.

"No duh," Johanna says, rolling her eyes. I can't help but snicker.

I look up to the sky, hoping Haymitch is watching. "Can we have some water? Maybe some bandages?"

A minute later a parachute floats down in the sky. Beetee opens it, and inside are some bandages and tape, but no water. I groan, but Wiress begins to unwrap the leaf from my arm, only to bandage it with the bandages.

Once that's done, we get up to walk again, to search for water. We see clouds begin to cover the sky. "Look Johanna! It might be rain!" She looks up hopefully.

"Then we might as well wait, right?" So then we all sit down on the moist ground again.

…

It's been hours, and nothing really has happened. There have been two more canons; tributes are going down fast. The sky hasn't changed; it's still just those dark clouds.

I run my hands through Johanna's hair, trying to untangle it. I braid it, then tie it with a tiny bit of the bandage we have. She runs her hand over it, "Thanks, Gem."

"No problem, Jo." We are all bored; Beetee has uncoiled some of the wire, inspecting it some more, and Wiress is sleeping. That's when we hear it. It's a roar.

"What is that?" I say, jumping up. I ready my spear, and Johanna has her Axe out. I kick Wiress to wake her, and she stands up too, dragging Beetee up.

There's the roar again; something coming. Is it a lion? Another mutt kind of animal? I have no idea. I feel something drop on my hand, and I look down.

It's rain, but it's red. I look around at the three other people, confused, and then I bring it to my lips. Blood.

More and more fall, landing on us. "What is this?" I ask no one in particular.

The realisation must dawn on Johanna, because she starts freaking out. "Come on!" She takes off running, and the blood begins to fall more and more. My hair is drenched, and it's hard to see.

"Johanna!" I scream out. Some of the blood enters my mouth; it's falling really hard. I keep my head down, and I spit it out.

"What!" I hear her scream back. Wiress and Beetee are both on the ground, tripping over everything.

"I need help!" Then she appears in front of me, and she sees Beetee and Wiress. She grabs Beetee's arms, and I help Wiress up.

"Nuts and Volts, you have to w-" She gets cut off by another roar, and the blood begins to pelt down so hard it hurts. We can't hear each other anymore, it's too loud. I open my mouth to speak, but it's filled instantly. I swallow a bit of the metallic liquid, and I start to vomit up the bit of nuts I ate earlier.

Wiress tries to help me along, but I tell her to go on. She rushes up ahead with Johanna and Beetee, and I collapse to the ground, having these convulsions while I throw up.

My body is shaking, I can't see a thing, and my mouth is filled with more blood. I look at my hands, and they're stained red. I'm completely covered. I stand up and take a step, then another, and another.

I slowly walk with the rain beating down on me, when I hear the scream. "Johanna!" It's Finnick. I must be hallucinating. I hear her scream for Finnick then, and I collapse.

I just keep vomiting… I'm not even sure what it is. Is it blood? Vomit? Liquid? I don't know.

I stay there in the blood rain for what feels like hours until it finally stops. Then I can hear and see again. I slowly open my eyes, and they are caked with blood. "Gemma!" I hear someone calling my name, and I manage to sit up.

"Gemma!" I hear it again. It's two people; Johanna and Finnick.

"I'm here!" I manage to croak out. Then they materialize in front of me. Finnick falls to the ground and takes me in his arms.

"What the hell, Gemma! You scared me to death! I thought you were gone!" Johanna says. She isn't covered in blood anymore; she must have washed herself off.

"I- I couldn't-"

"Sh. Don't talk." Finnick picks me up bridal style, and he carries me out of the forest. We reach the beach, and then I see everyone. Wiress, Beetee, Katniss, Peeta, Johanna, Finnick, Me.

Finnick brings me to the waters edge, and I jump from his arms straight into it. I feel alive again, washing off all of this blood.

When I resurface, I see Katniss glaring at me. I turn away from her and start to scrub my skin. I see Finnick sitting on the beach, and he's covered in this green cream. Since I found my voice again, I scream out to him, "What happened to you, Pretty boy? Why are you green?"

He snickers but waves his hand to try to brush me off. I climb out of the water and walk over to him, "Seriously, what happen?" He pulls me down onto his lap.

"Acid fog." At the word acid I shiver, and I'm back into my games. When I first dipped my hand into that acid water. I look down at my hand for a split second, and my eyes roll back into my head. I hear Finnick calling my name but I ignore it, because standing in front of me is Ky.

He reaches his hand out to me, "I want you to come with me, Gem. It's your time."


	20. Chapter 20: No Name! Dx

_Hey guys (: Here's the new chapter! I hope you like it! Leave me reviews :D_

_By the way, If you can think of a name for this chapter I'd love to hear it! I can't think of one, so as of right now it's just going to be called No name! ahah  
><em>

_I do not own the Hunger Games!_

_xXxXx_

"_**Well I can't leave Mags behind, she's one of the few people who actually like me."**_

* * *

><p>"Ky?" I ask. I put my hand on Finnick's thigh and push up, helping me stand. Finnick is up in an instant.<p>

"Come on Gemma… come with me. I miss you… You can live with me here in this beautiful place that I told you about remember? We can be together… Maybe Finnick will even join us, and Johanna, and Trixie." I can feel Finnick's presence at my side but I ignore it.

I nod and walk away from my friends, to the water's edge. Once I'm there I slowly take my knife out from my belt; my eyes flash around to the people surrounding me, and they are all staring not knowing what I'm going to do. I lift it up so it's even with my neck and I press it against my skin. "Ready?" I ask Ky, smiling. "Finally."

I feel a trickle of blood falling on my skin when the knife is knocked out of my hands. I cock my head to the side and look to the right to find the source. I can feel the craze in my eyes; I'm going mad.

Wait, let me fix that. I'm already there. I am mad.

In a hunters type of stance I take tiny steps towards Finnick. Ky is gone for now but I know he'll be back. "Finnick, why did you do that?" I hiss, narrowing my eyes.

He swallows and runs towards me; I'm not ready for him, so he easily grabs my arms and pins them behind my back. I start to squirm, which only makes me hurt my cut arm, so I stop. "You're not killing yourself, Gemma." He says. "It's just your mind trying to trick you."

"No it's not- Katniss!" I screech out as loud as I can. Finnick puts his hand over my mouth, but I still produce a muffled scream. "Katniss!"

She comes over, looking scared and curious. "What?" She asks me. Peeta is right beside her- he's her Finnick.

I bite down on Finnick hand and he curses and pulls away. "Kill me. Shoot me with an arrow. Come on!" I scream at her. Her eye kind of twitches, and she raises the weapon.

"Katniss, I swear if you shoot that arrow right now my trident will be going through your heart faster than you can say mermaid." Finnick threatens, pointing a finger at her.

She seems to be thinking it over, "Do it Katniss, kill me. He doesn't have the guts to kill you, do it." I edge her on. I stalk towards her so the end of the arrow is touching my heart. "Just release it, it's as easy as that. Then you can win, think about it. I'm asking you to kill me. Do it."

She's about to let go of the arrow when Peeta puts his hand over hers, stopping her, and Finnick tackles me to the ground. "Ow!" I scream out when my arm touches the sand. He's got me pinned, and I see Peeta talking to Katniss.

Finnick looks to the sky, "Haystack! A little help here?" He screams out.

What do you know? A little silver parachute floats down, and Johanna grabs it. "No! Noooo! No!" I scream, trying to get away from him. I know if he puts that into me then I won't have the urge to end my life anymore. I need to go. "No!" I'm moving around like a frantic animal, trying to get away. "Finnick! No!" I don't know what else to say to him.

"Gemma, you don't understand right now." He whispers to me.

I begin to cry. "Finnick, please. Let me end this," I whisper.

Johanna hands him the needle, "No." He says firmly. Then he shoves the needle into my good arm and the relief washes over me. My body goes still for a second. Then I sigh.

He gets up off of me, and he offers me a hand. "You okay now?"

I have that feeling in my throat, the one that comes right before you begin to cry. I attempt to swallow to no avail, so I don't even try talking. I simply march away from the scared group. I walk a good ways away (they can still see me though, in case they do not trust me) and then plop down in the sand. I sit in the very shallow water, it's only up to my ankles, and bring my knees to my chest. I curl into that ball, and just cry and cry, because despite having those drugs in me, I still want to die.

…

They've all tried to talk to me, besides Peeta (I can't believe Katniss actually tried to talk to me… I think she feels bad because of my sickness). Now it's his turn, and he walks over to me. He just sits beside me in the water, no saying a word.

I never talked to any of them, but I'm willing to talk to Peeta. I stare straight into the water when I say, "You can't swim, can you?"

I turn to look at him, and he's staring at me, astonished that I'm talking. I've been just sitting here for hours, looking at the salt water. "No." he says.

"You know what I wish I had right now?" I whisper.

"What?"

"One of your cupcakes."

He laughs then, and I laugh too. I think I'm only laughing because I realize how messed up this situation is. It's crazy. I'm crazy.

When they hear us laughing, the rest of the group comes over to join us. They all just gather around us, watching me. I look up from my lap to Finnick, "I'm sorry, Finn." I say.

He reaches over and takes my hand from his spot across from me, "It's okay, Gemma. It's not your fault."

"Thank goodness for Haymitch huh?" I say with a smirk, winking at the sky. I can picture him laughing _'No problem, sweetheart.'_

Katniss speaks up next. "Did you mean it? You really wanted me to kill you?"

I sigh, "I'm not well, Katniss…"

Finnick rubs soothing circles into my palm, "It's okay, love." He turns to Katniss, "After Gemma's games… she was diagnosed with some mental problems. Basically she gets really crazy, like what you just saw, whenever she doesn't get her medicine… She talks to her dead friends, and they tell her what to do and what not to do."

Katniss winces but nods. "I'm really thirsty… Did you find any fresh water?" I ask the group, clutching at my throat.

"Yes, actually. They sent us a spile- it's in the trees." Johanna tells me.

"Oh, okay. What else happened while I was… gone?" I don't know what to call that episode I had then.

"Someone else died, we don't know who yet." She says.

I nod, "Tick Tock! Tick Tock!" Wiress yells out.

"What are you saying, Wiress?" Katniss says, walking over to her.

"Tick Tock! That's all she's been saying, over and over!" Johanna screams, obviously fusterated.

Katniss sits and thinks for a moment, mumbling to herself. "Tick Tock! Oh! I got it! Tick Tock, this is a clock!"

Wiress grins widely and she nods furiously, "Tick Tock Tick Tock!"

"What?" Finnick, Johanna and I all ask at once. Peeta is kind of quiet.

"The arena, it's set up like a clock. Look," She takes her finger and draws a diagram of a clock in the sand. "One part there is a lightning bolt; that happens twice a day, so I think that it's from twelve to one." She looks into the forest and points, "And you guys came out over there, right after the lightning bolt… so I'm going to assume that the one to two section is the blood rain." I shiver at the thought of the rain. "Then after than is the acid fog…" She trails on and on about the different sections that she knows about.

Finnick leaves us to go search the ocean for some shellfish, and Peeta and Johanna continue working on the map, which they are now drawing on a leaf. Wiress and Beetee just kind of sit to the side, fooling around with the wire. Me and Katniss don't really know what to do, so when my thirst takes over, we volunteer to go get water. They are all hesitant about us going together, but Katniss knows that she'll be dead in a matter of seconds if she hurts me, and vice versa for me.

We walk over to the tree, and she begins drilling a hole in it with her knife. "So Katniss… who do you have to go home too?" I ask her, trying to make conversation.

"What do you mean?" She begins to slow the drilling.

"Like your family, friends?" I say.

She opens her mouth to speak, but then shuts it again, "My sister Prim. My mom. My cousin Gale. Peeta." She says finally. I nod, "What about you?" She asks me.

"My daughter Trixie… and well… most of my family is in here with me…" I say, looking at my foot kicking at nothing beneath me. I hear her tapping stop, so I look up. She's examining me.

"That sucks. I'm sorry." She says after a while. Then she begins to tap again. That's when we hear it, a blood curling scream that makes me want to go bury myself in a hole. I cover my ears and Katniss drops the spile, running into the trees. "Prim!" She screams.

I quickly pick up the spile and hurry after her. When I finally reach her she's panting with a dead bird at her feet, mumbling to herself. "What was th-" I get cut off by a little girls scream.

My little girl's scream.

"Trixie! Trixie I'm coming!" I screech as loud as I can.

They are torturing her right now. Torturing her with water and electricity. Haymitch is probably dead, trying to protect her. They are cutting off her limbs. They are burning her alive.

I follow the scream, and it's coming from up in a tree. I begin to sob as I try to climb, "Trixie, my baby, I'm coming!" I claw at the branches and my fingers begin to bleed, but then it stops.

I fall to the ground, "Gemma, it's okay, it was a Mockingjay. It wasn't real." Katniss tells me, trying to calm me down.

I try to grab her, to hold her, because I know she's hurting just like me. This is the worst torture you could go through. "But… But Katniss… MockingJays replay what they hear!" I sob.

Her eyes grow wide, "No, that can't- they wouldn't-" She gets cut off by another scream. "Gale!" She screeches out. I grab her arm before she can run.

"Katniss! It's a bird, it's not them!" I haul her down and despite her thrashing I manage to hold her. We sit there for what feels like forever listening to our love ones screams.

I hear Trixie's, Annie's, Finnick's, My mother's, Haymitch's and even Ky's. They have my dead moms and dead best friends screams.

I left go of Katniss after a while and I curl into myself. I look up and Peeta, Johanna, and Finnick are sat down. Why aren't they here with us? I start to crawl to them as another one of Trixie's many screams ring through the arena.

I am almost touching them, when my hand hits something. It's glass. We're trapped in this never ending torture. I place my hand on the glass, sobbing and shaking and trying to find a way out, and Finnick does the same.

He puts his hand up to mind, so we would be touching if it weren't for the glass, and he begins to cry too. I wonder if he can hear what I'm hearing right now.

Trixie's screams are cut off, and there are two screams being played together. Finnick's and some loved one of Katniss's. She's sobbing the name Gale, so I'm going to assume that's who it is.

The screams are too much, though, so I remove my hand, firmly clasping them over both my ears, and I curl into a ball. I notice Katniss has done the same before closing my eyes.

I don't know how long it is before I open my eyes again, but the next time I do I can't hear the screaming anymore and I'm in someone's arms. I slide them open just a slit, and I see that I am in Finnick's arms and Katniss is in Peeta's. "It's not true, baby, it's not true." Finnick is saying over and over to me.

I turn my head to look at him, and his face is red and blotchy, "They mimic what they hear, Finn." I whisper.

I can see he's biting his bottom lip, "No, the Capitol created them, right Peeta?" I look to Peeta and he nods.

"Katniss, listen, it's soon going to be down to the bottom eight, right? Then they will have to interview Prim and Gale. They couldn't possibly have hurt them. That goes for you too, Gemma," Peeta explains.

Katniss stops crying then, but I can't. I don't believe it at all, the Capitol would do this. Beetee perks up and begins to explain how easy it would be to make a scream like that; he said that he's done it before. This makes me feel a bit better, for some reason.

I cry into Finnick's chest, my body shaking with the sobs. I feel someone tap me on the shoulder, so I turn around and look up. It's Johanna, "Hey… let's go back to the beach, okay?" She says softly, offering me her hand. I take it, but keep one of my arms locked around Finnick, not daring to let go.

We walk back to the beach, with Peeta and Katniss close behind. I leave Johanna and Finnick in the sand, and I head out to the water. Swimming is the only thing that can make me feel better right now.

I dive down in the salty water, and I feel so free. It's like when I'm in under the water nothing matters anymore… they aren't torturing my family, we aren't in the arena again, and we probably aren't going to die any day now.

I stay down for as long as I can, until my lungs are hurting from the loss of air, forcing me to go back up. I burst through the water, gasping for air, when I wipe my eyes and look on the beach. They are all sitting around, talking and watching me. I decide to listen…

"So that's who you love Finnick? Not one of your many capitol women but a crazy girl?" Katniss asks him. He watches me for a second before he looks to her.

"Yes, I always will… no matter what. And she's not crazy, she's sick." Awe, thanks for defending me Finnick. I feel a smile grow on my face at Finnick's words.

"I would still love you if you were ever sick," Peeta says, pulling her closer to him and kissing her.

I walk out of the water, dripping wet, and I take off my jumpsuit, leaving me in just my bra and underwear. It's not like everyone hasn't seen it before, it doesn't really matter to me. I walk over to the rest of my allies and lie down across Finnick, resting my head on his lap. I notice Katniss and Peeta looking slightly uncomfortable with my scars, or maybe it's just my nakedness that is freaking them out. "Did you two watch my games?" I say, nudging Peeta in his leg. Only it doesn't feel like flesh; that's when I remember Finnick mentioning Peeta losing his leg after his games. I see him swallow and they both nod, "Than these scars should be nothing new to you. No need to stare."

"Gemma! Be nice!" I hear Finnick scold, and I smirk.

I lie back, relaxing in the sun as Johanna and Peeta and Katniss begin to make another map.

I'm almost asleep when I hear the shouts of Gloss (Wait, where did Gloss come from?), and then I feel the slightest sensation that I'm flying through the air.


	21. Chapter 21: Angel for the slaughter

_Hey guys! I'm so so sorry I haven't updated in the past two days, but I've been busy! _

_Spring break has officially begun, and my family is all in. I'm surprised I have had a chance to write this, but I managed too, and I'm sorry about the shortness! I'll try my hardest to get another chapter up soon!_

_I hope you like the chapter. It's rather depressing, but oh well! I'm glad the games are done! The next few chapters are going to be very dark/sad/depressing too, by the way. Hope you all don't mind :P_

_On the plus side, I'm going to watch Orphan tonight! I'm going to be so terrified and scared but Isabelle Fuhrman [Clove] is in it, so I have to watch it :D_

_Anyways, _R E V I E W

_xXxXx_

"_**Abraham took Isaac's hand and led him to the lonesome hill.  
>While his daughter hid and watched,<br>She dare not breathe. She was so still.  
>Just as an angel cried for the slaughter,<br>Abraham's daughter raised her voice.  
>Then the angel asked her what her name was,<br>She said, "I, have none."  
>Then he asked, "How can this be?"<br>"My father never gave me one."  
>And when he saw her, raised for the slaughter,<br>Abraham's daughter raised her bow.  
>How darest you, child, defy your father?<br>You better let young Isaac go." **_

_-Abraham's daughter, Arcade Fire._

_(I'm rather addicted to this song at the moment, and it kind of freaks me out)_

* * *

><p>I can't breathe.<p>

All I see is darkness. I'm trapped in the darkness, gasping for air.

Ky is calling my name, and he appears in the shadows, a glowing light behind him. I can suddenly breathe better, and I yell out to Ky.

But then I'm torn from this dark world, by the feeling of someone's lips pressed against mine.

Finnick.

I can taste the salt off of them; that's how I know it's him.

I can feel the breath traveling through me and down into my lungs, and my heart begins to pump again. Then my eyes open, and I begin to cough up water.

"Oh, thank god you're alright!" I hear Finnick say, taking me into his arms.

"W-" I couch again, spewing more water all over us-I notice I'm already soaked-"What happened?"

"We don't really know. One minute we were all relaxing, and the next the island is spinning." I look around me, Wiress's body is floating in the water, Gloss's body lies dead, arrow in his neck.

When I see Gloss- my Glossy- lying there, my breath catches in my throat once again. Katniss did this. Katniss killed my Glossy. I start to sob, and I crawl out of Finnick's lap. He doesn't stop me, but I hear him sigh. I crawl over to Gloss's body. I bring my hands to his cheeks, and I tap them lightly, as if he's sleeping and I'm trying to wake him up. "G-Gloss?" I whisper. "G-Gloss wake up!" I'm suddenly screaming, and I frantically begin to shake him, "Wake up! Please Glossy wake up!"

I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, "He's gone, Gemma. His and Wiress' canons already went… come on…" I fall back onto my butt, and I put my elbows on my knees, running my hands through my hair.

"No… no… no… Gloss… no… wake up!" I whisper to myself, trying to convince myself he isn't dead. He can't be dead too, not my big brother! The same person who just talked to me –I think it was Peeta- begin to drag me away. I don't object, I feel too depressed. These games have taken everything from me.

My sanity, My body, My Family. Gone.

I pull away from him, and I stand on my feet. He backs away slowly, and I walk in the opposite direction, shouting at the sky. "God dammit! Why do you have to do this to us! Everything that once was mine is fucking gone! Rebel! Districts, its time! We need to rebel! Fuck the capitol, fuck Snow! He's the devil!" I scream and scream to the sky, trying to blow off steam.

After a while, I get it all out, so I plop down into the sand again, where I start to cry. Johanna comes over, and without a word she drags me over to the group, who are sat around, eating some bread that someone sent us. She sits next to me and tries to coax some into me, but I just fall over, sprawling out into the sand. I'm still only wearing my undergarments, so the sand is warm and silky on my skin. A smile flutters over my face for a quick second, and then it's gone as I remember I'm in reality.

I'm face down in the sand, trying and failing to smother myself, when I hear Finnick sigh and the sand sink beside me. I lift my head, brushing it clear of sand, to look at him. He stares at me, "You can't keep shutting yourself out, babe." He says, wiping a piece of hair from my face. Pain washes over my face, "I'm sorry," He apologizes.

"Don't be. I need to end this, Finnick." I whispers, picking at my nail.

"No. Beetee has a plan as to how we can take out the rest of the tributes, then we'll see what happens… No matter what, I love you." He says. I whisper I love you back to him, and then Beetee begins to talk, explaining his plan.

…

"I'll go with Johanna and Katniss, Finnick and Peeta you guys stay with Beetee." I say, preparing to run with the girls down to the lake with the wire.

"No, I don't want to leave Katniss." Peeta says, wrapping his arms around Katniss. They whisper for a few minutes, and I walk over to Finnick.

I lean up and kiss him, "I love you. I'll be okay. We'll be right back up." I whisper into his lips.

He cups my face in his hands, staring into my eyes, "I know. It will be fine. I love you too. Be careful." He says. Then the three of us take off without a look back.

…

It's chaos, I don't know what's going on. I'm just hearing more and more canons, and me and Johanna are trying to run away. We tried to knock Katniss out, so we could take out her tracker, but she started freaking out. She managed to get away from us, but luckily we got it out before she could.

I wince as Johanna digs her knife through my skin. "There, come on." She says, grabbing my hand. I grip it, not daring to let go.

"Gemma! Johanna!" I hear Finnick's voice.

"Finnick!" I scream, and he breaks into the little clearing we are in.

"Thank god, come on, we have to go back to Beetee! Where's Katniss?" Finnick asks, frantically looking around.

"I don't know, we half knocked her out, and then she ran!" I say, beginning to run. We make it halfway to the lightning tree, when a very beat up Brutus runs smack into Finnick.

He raises his knife to Finnick's throat, but Finnick drives his trident into Brutus's heart, leaving him dead.

Everyone is dead besides the six of us. We race off again.

We are almost there, all of us panting with sweat dripping off of us, when we hear it. A loud explosion of some sort. I look up to the sky, and it's turning a rainbow color.

Blue, Purple, Pink, Red, Orange, Yellow. It's magnificent. We stop in awh, all of our jaws hanging open. Finnick realizes it first, "DUCK!" He screams.

We all hit the ground, me in the middle of the two of them, and it starts to rain down on us. Burning pieces of some kind of material. It kills like a bitch when it touches me, and I start to scream.

Then there's another round of explosions, and we are all blown backwards. Me and Johanna come in contact with each other, limbs tangling each other, but I lose sight of Finnick. My head is ringing and I am seeing triples of everything. "We… we have to… to get up…" I hear Johanna mumble. I just latch myself onto her body, unable to move, waiting for the end.

That when I see them, there's hovercrafts, appearing in the sky. I see one reach down, further down the forest, and they bring up Beetee. I see he's passed out. That same one reaches down again, and retrieves Katniss.

"We're safe, Jo. They're coming for us." I whisper to her.

I feel her pat my head, and one materializes over head at the same time one appears to the right of us. The claws desend at the same time, and we are risen through the air.

I notice there is a capitol symbol on ours. There isn't one on Finnick's, though.

He seems to notice this too, because he's screaming and sobbing, trying to get out of the claw. "Gemma! I love you! Gemma!" He's screaming.

In unison, me and Johanna shout, "I LOVE YOU!" back, right before entering the hovercraft.

The first thing I see is a shaking Peeta, who is curled into a ball on the floor being kicked by peacekeepers. He refuses to scream, but I can see the tears on his face.

And he's wearing chains.

That's when I begin to freak out. I kick and scream, but peacekeepers surround me and Johanna, and rip us from one another, putting the chains on us. I sob and try my hardest to get away from them, but I'm so dizzy and they begin to kick me, too.

Once they finally stop, I have severe pain all over me and I can only see out of one eye. I manage to see through that eye that Johanna and Peeta are in the same condition as me. The peacekeepers clear out of this section of the hovercraft, leaving the three of us to suffer.

I feel another presence in the room though, and I know we aren't alone. I manage to get up on all fours, only to come face to face to the President himself.

He stands up and walks over to me, and I begin to scream, but it's only this moaning, dead animal kind of sound. He laughs at me, and then he bends down to my level. He grabs me by the hair, and yanks my head up, sending out another scream from me.

He looks the three of us over for a quick second before saying, "Oh, this will be fun." Then he slams my head into the ground, and I let the blackness overtake me.

My last thought is of Finnick, praying that he's not going to go through what I'm about to.


	22. Chapter 22: Painful escape

_Hey guys! Second chapter for the night! :) That's only because it's 2 AM. everyone in my house is gone to sleep and I'm not tired at all xD_

_So yeah, this was an interesting chapter to write... let me know what you think! _

_I watched Orphan tonight, and I can't believe how amazing of an actress Isabelle Furhman is! I really wish she had a bigger part in THG, she was great! _

_Anyways, I guess I should get going to bed. It's going to be a big, big, big day for me tomorrow ! I'm going to see the hunger games again :')_

_REVIEW! and Happy Easter! _

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

**_"Katniss…how do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe. Not in the Capitol. Not in the districts. And you…in Thirteen…" He inhales sharply, as if fighting for air; his eyes look insane. "Dead by morning!"_**

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><p>"G-Gemma…" Johanna gasps. "Are you okay?"<p>

No, I don't think I'm okay. I've just been beaten and raped repeatedly, and they won't stop giving me my damn medicine so I have to suffer through everything. The three of us haven't been fed for days, and we're already down to skin and bones. Everything hurts. Even blinking and breathing hurts.

"I'm fine…" I manage to say, crawling over to her. It's been a few weeks since we escaped (or so I think), and we've been locked in this cell together. Next to us were two avoxes... they both died, those lucky people. We know they died, because their screaming stopped.

Whenever they come to get us, whenever it's our turn, they drag us down the hall to a room I'd like to call the torture chamber. We only have to go through with it once a day, Johanna from 10am – 1pm, Me from 1pm – 4pm, and Peeta from 4pm – 7pm. Then we have the rest of the days to ourselves to suffer from the pain in the cell.

Most of the time we just hug each other, listening to our screams, our loved ones screams, and the avoxes screams.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; sometimes, in the middle of the night when we're trying to sleep they blast our families screams, waking us up. I've gotten used to it by now, but I can't stop myself from wailing whenever Finnick and Trixie's voices come on. Peeta had to clamp his hand over my mouth once, because I was going crazy.

I often wonder what they're doing at the moment… if Trixie knows where he mommy has gone, if Finnick is with her… or if Finnick is going through this exact same hell as I am.

I'm glad that Peeta and Johanna are with me though, in a way. If there was anyway I could get them out of this hell I would, believe me, but knowing that there is absolutely no way out, it's kind of a comfort, having two people from home. I know their screams way to well, though. They will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Right now, Peeta is gone for his horror session. I just got back from mine; they strapped me to a table, used my body until all their needs were filled and then beat me with all kinds of different stuff. Their favorite is the baseball bat with the barb wire stuck on the end of it. It hurts so badly, I don't know how to explain it... everything turns white and red in your vision, and you kind of leave your body, looking down on yourself until it's over. That's when you feel the full effects of the torture.

I make my way over to Johanna, and she takes me in her arms. I quietly cry into her chest; I know if they'd here me cry they'd just come and hurt me some more. "Sh, it's okay," She soothes, patting my hair. Peeta's first screams ring through the room and I try to squeeze my eyes shut. We both know he tries so hard not to scream, for our sake, but we all know what it feels like…

A few minutes later though, his screams stop. I look up to Johanna, and I wipe my tears away. We hear the shoes tapping on the ground, and I know they're coming for one of us. It doesn't make sense, though, because I just had my time, and Jo had hers a few hours ago.

Me being surprised would be an understatement when President Snow himself unlocks the gate to our door. I haven't seen him since the time on our hover craft. "Well, if it isn't Gemma Stone and Johanna Mason. How are you, my lovelies?" President Snow asks, entering our cage.

I feel Johanna tense in under me, she doesn't like being around people. I hate it, too. It makes me very nervous and scared… it makes me feel like they are going to jump on me and start attacking me. "Fine… Where's Peeta?" I whisper

I smiles at us, "Mr Mellark is fine. We are in need of both of you; come along." He says making a motion for us to stand up. I brace myself and stand up, trying to help Johanna up too. We both stumble, wincing at the movement, but come face to face with the president.

"To what do we owe the honor?" I ask, sarcastic.

I look to the floor, eyes tracing over my body as I go. I'm purple, with cuts and scars all over me. You can easily see all of my ribs and bones, and any extra wait I have is long gone. I feel so bare and naked because of my size, I hate it.

He brings his hand to my chin to lift it up, and I shy away. "My dear friend Caesar would like to have an interview with the three of you." He says. Peacekeepers file in the cell and I grip Johanna's hand.

"Please let us stay together, the three of us, please." I whisper. Surprisingly, he nods, and we are led out of the cage and down the hall to a room to where Peeta is sitting down. He's gorging on a big buffet, and my eyes widen. "Peeta?" I ask. We've become a lot closer the past few weeks, and with nothing to do but soak up the agony and talk, I've learnt all about his past, and he knows every single story I have to my name.

"Come here, guys, you have to eat some of this, quick." He says, shoving a bread role in his mouth like there's no tomorrow. Well, really, there might not be a tomorrow. We haven't seen food in so long I'm kind of scared to touch it.

Johanna drags me over, and ever so slowly I reach out and take a cracker which I nibble on. That's when nine colorful people burst into the room.

Me, Peeta, and Johanna react, and we dive in under the table, trying to hide from these people. "Come out!" I hear one of them shrill. I peek through the table cloth.

"Who are you?" I whisper, very nervous.

"We're your prep teams of course! We can't have you going out in front of all of Panem looking like that now can we!"

After about an hour they coax us out. Refusing to leave each other, they have us strip down right there in then in front of each other. Nudity is nothing to us anymore, we've all seen each other more than once, and I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't seen every inch of my body considering I've been raped in front of them numerous times. The peacekeepers would only do that if one of them was crying or screaming to loud though. We quickly learned to shut up after that.

My prep team gasps at how horrible my body is. I'm a walking skeleton bruise.

They make me over the best they can, though. They put me in a dress that surprisingly doesn't have padding in it to make me look fuller, but a thin sundress that makes me look even tinier. They wash and do my hair, which has grown to my shoulders now.

After a while we're ushered onto the stage.

I'm squat in between Peeta and Johanna, but I sink right back into the seat, gripping both of their hands. It's all too much, there are too many people, to many bright lights. I also feel like I'm going to vomit up the few crackers I managed to eat, too. That's how badly my stomach shrunk.

Caesar walks onto the stage and I try to disappear some more; my eyes keep darting around, and I'm almost sure someone is going to attack me right now. I'm about to cry out from the anxiety when Johanna gives my hand a tiny squeeze. That just saved me.

Peeta begins to talk, but I hear none of it. A little while later Caesar starts talking about mine and Finnick's relationship, but I just stare at him. He asks me if I have a message for Finnick, who I've learnt is back in district 13 with the rest of the surviving victors, and I can feel every camera on me. I can't speak, I can't find words, so all I do is let one simply tear fall down my pain stricken face.

It says it all, that one tear. Every unspoken word is said with it. Finnick will know I'm alright, but I want to die, just from that one raindrop from my eye.

Then Caesar moves on, asking Johanna. She insistes that there is no one out there that loves her enough to receive a special message, but she tells Haymitch that if he's watching he has to have a drink for her, and Finnick that he's taking good care of his baby girl.

I can almost feel the smile that will be on his face, knowing that someone is looking out for me the best they can.

Caesar asks Peeta the question, only about Katniss, and he decides to shock everyone by saying, "Katniss…how do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe. Not in the Capitol. Not in the districts. And you…in Thirteen…" He inhales sharply, and his eyes look insane. "Dead by morning!"

That's when everything goes insane. Peacekeepers are on us in seconds, beating us on the ground. Me and Peeta let out blood curling screams as our blood splatters all over the stage and near by cameras, but Jo holds hers in. Snow is shouting out orders to end the show, and we're dragged back to our cells without a second glance.

Once we're back into our familiar cell, the peacekeepers lock us in and run off. I haul off my dress and hold it to my head which is bleeding badly, and Peeta does the same with his shirt. "You did the right thing, Peeta." I say softly.

"Let's hope so." He whispers.

…

I don't talk anymore. I've given up all hopes for everything. I flinch whenever anyone steps close to me, scared they're going to hurt me. I haven't touched or spoken to Johanna or Peeta in a week.

They are torturing us in different ways now, they have been since Peeta broke the rule. Johanna is with the electrocution that I have a brief experience of before the games, and Peeta is being Hijacked. I'm just getting a mix of everything, it depends on the day.

Some days they burn me, some days they electrocute me, some days they keep me underwater until I black out, and some days, the worst days, they hijack me. I don't know how Peeta hasn't gone crazy, yet.

Peeta's hijacking is much worse than mine; he is convinced Katniss is a mutt. Mine, however, is just making me scared of everyone that I used to think was my family. Finnick, Trixie, Annie, Haymitch, Beetee, everyone. They've all done something to hurt me in the past, I'm sure of it.

I just can't be around anyone anymore, I'm too afraid. I curl up into a ball every day in my cell, leaving the now bald Johanna and the now crazy Peeta to talk on the other end. If they even step foot within ten feet of me I scream. You should hear me when the peacekeepers come to take me away, I shriek and shriek until my throat bleeds and I can't yell any longer.

We've all had our share of torture today, and unfortunately mine was the tracker jacker venom. They strapped me onto a table, put a cloth over my eyes and a needle into my arm, and then the visions started to show over my eyelids.

This time, it was me and Finnick's first time teaching Trixie how to swim. It started out we were laughing and smiling, flicking water at each other.

I close my eyes and begin to shake, remembering the memory.

Then Trixie asks Finnick to hold me in under the water, and he does. But he holds me and Trixie under the same time, drowning us both. I try to get away from him, but the very tiny Trixie holds me in place, forcing me to stay under.

I open my eyes again, trying to force it away. Whenever I think of Finnick and Trixie now I get scared, scared they are going to hurt me again.

I glance over to Peeta and Johanna who are both asleep on the floor. Peeta has his fists clenched into fists, and he's shaking. I see his jaw becoming clenched and unclenched, obviously having a nightmare.

Or maybe he's just remembering something.

I get lost in my thoughts, remembering the good things I remember about Trixie and Finnick rather than the bad. When me and Finnick used to eat junk food and watch movies, reading Trixie bed times stories and calling her little monkey…

But then they get twisted into evil memories and I start to scare myself, but that's when I hear it.

There's shouting and footsteps coming from down the hall. It's not the normal, and I'm scared.

For the first time in weeks I move myself out of my ball form, and I crawl over to Johanna and Peeta. Using one finger I poke them each in the chest, trying to convince myself it's okay. "Johanna, Peeta, wake up," I whisper. They both jump awake, and I put my finger to my lips, "Sh, listen."

We listen, and then there's people in the door way. I jump behind the other two companions, trying to hide from the people so they can't hurt me, but it's no use. "There they are!" One of them shouts.

"Gale?" Peeta says, clearing his voice.

"Peeta, Johanna, Gemma, we're here to rescue you." This so called Gale says, trying to open the door. Johanna and Peeta get up once it's open and walk over to them, but I stay crouched in the corner trying to disappear into myself. "Come on, Gemma, get up," I hear Gale rush.

"No." I whisper back, eyes darting all around.

"Boggs," I hear him say. Someone names Boggs walks over to me, and he raises his hand to me.

"Come on, Gemma, we're going home." He whispers.

At the word home I get up, I get to go back to the sea. To my house on the water.

I don't speak a word, I just slowly follow along, ignoring the pain as we walk to a hovercraft.

Once we're on there, doctors surround me. I begin to hyperventilate, there are too many people here. I push the messy hair from my face, breathing heavy, when a doctor shouts for everyone to back away from me. After they do I whisper a thank you to the doctor, he just nods.

When I start screaming for no apparent reason is when they finally put me down into a dark, drugged sleep, filled with nightmares or memories of my family.


	23. Chapter 23: Best Friend,Cell Mate,Sister

_Hey guys! New chapter, woo! Hope you all like it! Leave me reviews to tell me what you think, please!_

_So funny moment of the day ... Easter's tomorrow, right? (H A P P Y E A S T E R !) So I was flicking through the channels on my tv with the family that is here for easter, and on one of the channels is a musical ... it's the story of Jesus Christ, in musical form. I know I really shouldn't laugh at it, because it's a serious thing, but the singing was really bad ... it was funny._

_Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr! I follow back (:_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

_**"Even when you're sleeping, keep your eyes open."** -Eyes Open, Taylor Swift._

* * *

><p>When I open my eyes again we are still in the hovercraft. I'm strapped into a bed, and I begin to scream. I hate restraints, I know some water will fall from the ceiling right now and then someone will press the button and that white pain will fill my body.<p>

The door opens, and my eyes dart around the room. It's two men.

I shrink to the opposite side of the bed, trying to get away from them. "Stop!" I shriek.

The stop immediately and put their hands up; I recognize them as the people that saved us, Gale and Boggs, and Gale has a bandage around his head. They raise their hands, "Woah, Gemma, it's okay. We aren't going to hurt you." Gale says, taking a step closer. I begin to shake as he keeps taking more and more steps toward me, but my voice is lost. "Sh, it's okay." He soothes.

I pull at the restraint around my waist and I begin to cry. I know that I am safe now, and I know these people care about me and they are trying to help me, but I am just so scared that they are going to hurt me. The one named Boggs strides to Gale's side, which is at the side of my bed, and I freeze in pure terror. "It's okay; we're on our way to district thirteen, all of your family is there."

My first thought is one of relief that I will get to be back home with Finnick and Trixie and Haymitch and Annie. But then that relief turns to horror, and I'm just scared. I just don't understand how I'm feeling, because I know in my heart that Finnick loves me more than anyone, that he would never hurt me, that he would die for me. But then my head is replaying all of these bad memories in my mind and I know they aren't true, but they are just so _real. _I feel like I was there, I remember living it, but I know it's all a lie. It's so confusing and I don't understand what's real and what's not.

An alarm sounds, and I clamp my hand over my ears, screaming at the loud noises. Someones hand is on me, trying to calm me, and I begin to lash out, attacking the hand. I scratch it and punch it and even bite it the best I can before I hear someone cursing, and then I feel the drugs entering my body, forcing me to sleep.

…

I hear many sounds before I open my eyes.

Someone voices talking, a beeping sound, and a few footsteps on the floor.

I also smell something that smells good, and I feel someone fussing over me. I realize I'm in a bed.

My eyes flutter open, and I feel horrible from all the drugs. I turn my head an inch to the right, and I see Johanna lying there. I convince myself that Johanna would never hurt me, that she's my friend and cell mate, before turning to look to the left. I'm surprised to find no one there; it's just me and Johanna in the room alone. It's a plain white room we're in, that only has two hospital beds and a dresser; with a door leading to what I guess is the bathroom. I notice that one wall is made of glass, and I can see out of it; on another there is a mirror.

Johanna is sleeping, so I take this time to watch the nurses busy themselves outside. One of them notices me away, and she gets out of my sight to talk to a shorter lady. A second later a little girl walks into my room. I recognise her instantly; she's Katniss's little sister, Primrose, that she volunteered for during her reaping. She stops in the door way though, scared of my reaction.

I've never seen this girl though, and I have no memories of her. I stare her down and she takes a few more steps closer to me. When I wince and move away she stops. "Hi, I'm Prim." She whispers. I decide that I can trust Prim, I like her. She seems kind already.

"I-I'm Gemma." It feels weird to talk after so long.

She smiles at me, "How are you feeling? Are you hungry?" She asks. My eyes dart around the white room, and I can feel someone watching me. They stop on the mirror, and Prim notices. "It's okay." She says.

"Who's in there? Why are they watching me?" I whisper, pulling the blanket up to my nose. Prim reaches her hand out to me and I stare at it, shaking.

"It's fine. Some people are just monitoring you, okay?" She says in a hushed voice.

"No." I say back to her; how do I know there aren't 20 people behind there. "NO!" I scream then. She seems startled because she jumps.

"Gemma, listen, it's okay. Just calm down." I reach down to the bar across my waist, trying to free myself.

"No no no no! Let me go! I need to go to the sea where no one can hurt me!" I scream, beginning to cry. I just want to get lost out to sea where I'm safe from everyone.

"Sh, Gemma, I have to tell you something…" Prim whispers. I stop and look up with her, with sad and pleading eyes. "If you be good, there is a room I can take you to that looks like a beach." She tells me. I instantly brighten up at this; I heard we are underground and I am not allowed to leave.

Johanna wakes with a little shriek, and I plug my ears. "Finnick." I mouth, over and over. I see Prim talking to Johanna, but I ignore them, keep on mouthing Finnick. I want to see him, even though I'm terrified of him.

Prim nods once and walks out of the room. I unplug my ears. Johanna gets up out of her bed, and crawls over to mine._ It's just Johanna, Gemma. She's your best friend, your cell mate, your sister. _I repeat to myself over and over. "Gemma? Can I?" Johanna asks me.

I swallow and nod once, trying to get as far away from her as I can. She's in my bed, holding me, and I'm so tense at her touch.

The door opens, and in walks Finnick Odair. His face is stained with tears, and his eyes got a crazy look in them. He smiles when he sees this, and when he begins to step closer I move closer to Johanna. "Finnick, don't." Jo says to him.

Pain falls over his face and he stops. "Gemma?" He whispers.

"F-F-Finn…" I say so quietly I can barely hear myself. So many things are running through my head right now I can't control it. Good memories, evil memories, happy memories, sad memories, funny memories, terrifying memories. Back and forth. My eyes glaze over and he begins to talk to me, but I don't hear any of it.

The next thing I know there's a bit of rope being tossed at me. I snap out of it just as it comes in contact with the foot of the bed, and I freak out. I push Johanna out of the bed, and I try to escape the restraints. I rip the thin gown I'm wearing, leaving me naked, and I scream.

I stare at Finnick the whole time, and he looks so hurt and damaged that I feel bad. I stop, looking down at myself. I'm so skinny and purple and bruised that I am ashamed. "Oh Gemma… What… What happened to you?" Finnick breathes, taking a step closer.

"No!" I shriek, grabbing my pillow and flicking it at him. Then I take the bit of rope, and all the things on the bed side table, which includes a glass of water and a bowl of broth. Peacekeepers rush in the room to hold Finnick back as they tie my wrists and ankles down. My eyes flash from Finnick, to Johanna, to the Peacekeepers, to my naked twitching body. After I'm held down they shove a needle in my arm and the world goes black.

…

"Gem, you need to talk to someone." Johanna says to me from her bed. I agreed to talk to her if she stayed there.

"I told you, only you, Peeta, and Prim. Please." I breathe. She nods and looks to the mirror before nodding again. In walks Prim.

A smile flutters over my face as she enters; I've become friendly with Prim. "Hey Prim." I say to her. I've only been in district thirteen for three days now; the whole time I've been locked onto my bed in my room.

"Hey Gemma, how are you feeling today?" She asks me, walking over to me bed. I freeze and tense up, trying to take deep breathes. That's what Prim suggested I do, take deep breathes and count to ten.

"O-Okay." I whisper, still breathing.

'I brought you something." She says, taking two things out from behind her back. I unfreeze.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Two things. One is a rope… we tried it on another patient before you came here, and it worked great. It will really help you." She says, tossing me the rope. It lands on my chest, though, because my wrists are held down. Johanna walks over and gets it from me. "You tie knots in it. It will help keep you busy and distract you." She says. I nod, I'll give it a try. I just want things to go back to the way I remember them being, before the bad memories take over. "And the second, is a cupcake." She takes it out of the box and I gasp. It's a beautiful mermaid; I know I've seen one like this before.

"Where did you find this?" I whisper.

"Peeta wanted to make one, just for you. He said he wants to see you." She says. She undoes my right arm and places the cupcake in my hand. I bring it to my lips and inhale; I remember these being the best cupcakes ever. They didn't morph this memory. I take a bite, and I savor it. It's delicious.

"It's delicious." I whisper, crumbs falling. She and Johanna smiles. "Tell Peeta he has to teach me how to make these one day."

"You can tell him yourself." Prim says softly. My eyes glance to Johanna, and she's smiling.

"Okay…" I mumble, unsure. "One more thing. I want to see Trixie."

As if on cue, the door opens and in walks my little girl. She looks so different now; I don't know what it is. She looks older. She freezes when she sees me, terrified, and my mind is telling me all of these horrible things but I push them away because the motherly instinct is stronger. "Trixie…" I whisper, tears forming in my eyes.

"Mommy?" She asks me, taking a step closer. I flinch and she stops again, but Johanna tells her to keep coming. I close my eyes and take deep breathes, counting to ten, and Johanna keeps asking me if I'm alright. I assure her I am, so we continue.

Before I know it I can feel Trixie sitting on the end of my bed. I open my eyes slowly, and I see she has a tear stained face. How it must hurt her to see her own mother terrified of her.

She has her arms crossed over her chest, and she's staring at the mirror on the wall. She doesn't dare look or touch me, she just lets me watch her. "Trixie… Little monkey…" I whisper again. I want to just reach out and hold her so badly, but something in me is telling me not to because she will hurt me.

"Do you hate me?" She whispers, still staring at the mirror.

"No, baby," my voice breaks. She turns to look at me and I meet her eye for a second before I shudder. "Mommy's just really sick right now. This is very hard for me." As I reply she tries to place her hand over mine, but I yank mine away, scared of her touch.

Pain and sadness breaks over her face and she hops off the bed. She walks over to the door without a word, leaving me, Prim, and Johanna in silence, and then she says,

"I love you, mommy. How can you not love me too?" Then her sobs fill the cold room and she runs out the door.


	24. Chapter 24: Memories

_What's your favorite pair? Clato, Peeniss, Finnie, or Haysilee? Finnie has to be my favorite… I just love Finnick and Annie so much!_

_Here's a new chapter… I got the afternoon by myself so I decided to write! How's everyone's easter, anyways? I've gotten so much chocolate I don't know what to do with it all! I also got the hunger games sound track + the world of the hunger games… and a few days ago I got a new poster + I have a few other posters! My hunger games collection is growing larger! xD_

_So yeah, I hope you like the chapter! Tell me what you think in the reviews… and don't worry, better things are coming for Gemma. I still haven't decided if I want her to have a happy ending or not, though ;) I guess you'll just have to wait and see!_

_xXxXx_

_**"I've been practically ripping your clothes off every time there's been a camera for the last year!"**_

…

I freeze. Why would Trixie ever say that I didn't love her? She doesn't understand what I've been through.

_No, She's evil. She hates you. She wants you to feel bad about yourself. She doesn't love you._ A little voice in the back of my head whispers. "No, that's not true." I say out loud, trying to convince myself. _Yes it is._

"What's not true, Gem?" Johanna asks.

I look up to her, and I can feel the tears splashing down my face. They're swimming in her eyes too. It's just me and her in the room, now, because Prim ran after Trixie. "Trixie loves me…. I don't know if that's true or not."

"That's true. She doesn't understand what your head is saying right now. It's going to be okay, she'll come around, trust me." I nod, because Johanna is the sole person I do trust. The whispers in my head have stopped saying bad things about her, now. "Do you want to try something?" Johanna asks me.

"What?" I whisper, tracing my hand over the restraint.

"Let's go see Peeta; see how you handle being around other people, okay?" I gulp but agree, so Johanna calls in a nurse. The nurse undoes my restraint, and I'm free to move about. "Finnick-" Johanna begins again, but I close my eyes and take deep breathes. Even at his name the voices begin saying things. "_He _is in the hospital, too, you know. I went and visited him while you were sleeping."

I stop, and so many things are running through my head. I want to go visit him, _but he will just hurt you… _I care about him, _but he hates you… _I'm the reason he's in the hospital, _but he tried to attack you so it doesn't matter… he's just like those peacekeepers, he only wants your body. _But that isn't true, he loves me. I remember the stories he told me.

"Why?" I whisper, trying to get the evil thoughts out of my head.

"He just kind of went crazy when you… you know." So it is my fault. "But it isn't your fault, you couldn't help it." Yeah, right.

She hands me the rope as I slide of the bed, and I begin to tie knots instantly. Prim was right, it does help. I can hear the voices saying bad things about Finnick but I ignore them, trying to focus on the thought that Finnick loves me and I love him and the rope.

She grabs my arm lightly and I flinch, but she doesn't let go. We walk closer to the door like that. Me, walking barefoot and staring at the rope, with her holding my arm and guiding me along.

When the door slides open I look up. There are many people walking around, and I freeze. Some walk past me and I back up a few steps. "Gemma? Come on, it's okay. They aren't going to touch you, I promise. Tie some more knots." So I look down at the ground, blocking the people from my vision, and I tie knots.

Before I know it Johanna is talking to someone. I hide behind her and peek over her shoulder, scared. That's when I realize it's Boggs. "Can I go in with her?" Johanna asks him.

"No, it's better if he only sees one person at a time. Gemma?" I stare at him with scared eyes, and he holds his hand out to me. When I don't take it he says, "It's okay. I won't hurt you. We're going to go talk to your friend Peeta, okay?" I nod slowly, and he continues, "You will be in with him alone, but he will be tied down. Don't mention anything about your time in the capitol, and if you need us just point at the mirror in the room. We are watching from behind there."

I nod once more and slowly enter the room. I see Peeta, lid down on the bed, restraints around his waist and arms. "H-Hi Peeta…" I say as the door snaps shut. I back up against the wall.

"Gemma? How are you?" He asks me.

My eyes dart around the room, and my fingers weave knots in the tiny piece of rope. "O-okay… I wanted to thank you, for the cupcake…" I whisper.

He smiles, "It was no problem. I love baking."

I feel a bit more brave, so I step off from the wall. "You should maybe teach me sometime…"

He grins, "Really? I would love that!" I give him a tiny smile, but it is nothing compared to his. What do I say now?

"Yes, it… it would be fun…" I step back to my spot on the wall.

He tries to sit up, "Gemma, what's wrong?"

I flinch when he's halfway up, "N-Nothing, I just… I'm not so good around people… they are going to hurt me…"

He scrunches up his face, "Did that mutt hurt you?" He spits out, "I'll kill her!" He begins to shake and scream, fighting against the restraints. I know he's recalling something… I can't imagine how bad they must be. Hearing his screams brings blood curling screams from my mouth, too, because they bring me right back to all those days in the torture chamber.

The next thing I know I'm being hauled out of the room by someone with big hands.

Feeling those hands on me make me scream more. I flail around, and I find myself on the floor, kicking and screaming. Then I feel someone's arms go around me. I freeze everything.

"Sh, baby, stop," I hear someone whisper into my ear. I feel their breath on my neck and I turn to look at them. My face is only inches away from one Finnick Odair. I begin to shake in horror; I can't find my voice, I can't move. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you, sh," He coos. I stop shaking at his words, and I find my rope. I begin to make knots and I calm down a bit. The voices are screaming terrible screams at me, but I try my best to ignore them.

"Finnick?" I whisper.

"Gemma?" He questions.

"Hi…" I don't know what to say to him. He brings his hand up and wipes the hair from my face as he smirks.

"Hi," He says back. Then doctors are surrounding us, demanding for me to go back to my room. Johanna finds me and takes my hand that isn't holding the rope, bringing me back. Finnick follows along.

One it's just the three of us in the room, I back into the corner, staring Finnick down. Johanna whispers things to him, and he nods. "Please don't hurt me." I state.

"I would never hurt you, Gemma. I love you. And you love me too." He says. I take a shaky deep breath and close my eyes. "You do love me, right Gemma?" He asks.

I hear Johanna hit him and he shushes her. "I… I don't know, Finn… I mean I think I do, but you hurt me…" I whisper, keeping my eyes closed. I don't have to see it though; I can feel the hurt on his face.

"When?" He says flatly.

"There were so many times…" I say, opening my eyes again. "When we first taught Trixie how to swim… random days when you would attack me… but I don't understand because I can feel in my heart that I love you, but my memories are telling me I shouldn't, that you are evil and that you'll hurt me."

He strides toward me, and he takes my shaky face in his hands. I don't look at him, I just stare down at the rope. "Look at me." He directs. I look up into his eyes, but I shrink from him. "I would never hurt you. I would die for you. The capitol changed your memories, Gemma… You're stronger than them, you can beat them." He places hand over my heart, and I flinch, "You can feel our love… in here. Your heart doesn't lie, Gemma."

I know he's right. "STOP IT ALREADY!" I scream. He jumps back. "No! Finn! Not you!" I say. Relief floods his face. "There's these voices in my head, whispering bad things about everyone… they are so real and believable, I'm just scared of everyone…" I slide down the wall and curl into a ball.

"What are they saying?" I hear Johanna say.

"They are saying not to trust Finnick because he will hurt me, and that he doesn't love me and he never have, he just used me…" I whisper into my knees.

"Oh, Gemma," Finnick says, placing his hand on my knee. I move away from him. Despite believing that he loves me, I don't want him to touch me. He stands up straight again, "Don't worry, love. We'll get you all better… we just need some time and patience…"

I stay curled up in my ball form, shaking and crying, because I don't know if I'll ever get better.

…

"H-Hey Haystack…" I whisper and he walks in the door. He smirks. "I… I did call you that, before, right?" I don't know if I did or not… I feel like I did, because it feels natural coming out of my mouth, but what do I know anymore?

He stops right after the door is shut. I haven't talked to Finn in two days; I haven't really talked to anyone. I just tie knots. But Prim told me this morning that Haymitch is insisting on seeing me. "Yes, you did. All the time. It get really annoying, usually, but I like it now." He says.

I smile a bit, "Please don't move any closer for now." I whisper. The doctors told me to tell the people I am talking to where they should stay and not stay; it will help a lot, according to them.

Haymitch nods, "I've been taking good care of Trixie…" At her name I shiver.

"She hates me, doesn't she?" I ask him. His gaze falls to the ground and he runs a hand through his ragged hair. I tie a tiny noose in the rope; for some reason, it feels the most natural to me.

"No, she doesn't hate you. She thinks that you hate her." He says.

"I don't." I state.

"I know that, and everyone else does that. But she doesn't understand quite yet. She thinks you just don't want to be with her, not that you can't. She spends a lot of time with Finnick, and he tries to explain to her… but she doesn't listen." He tells me.

I nod. "I'll get better, one day… and then she will know how much I care about her… I'm just… scared." That was the first time I've actually said I've been scared of someone.

"I know."

"Can you step forward, please? I want to see if I can handle it." _No, you can't. He will hurt you. He will attack you. If he comes any closer you will end up dead. _

He steps forward and the voices become more urgent. I take deep breathes, and tell him to come forward. I tie more knots, and tell him to come forward. Next thing I know, he's standing at the side of my bed. I'm not shaking or pulling away, either.

"Good girl," He says, reaching his hand out towards me. That's when I let out a little shriek and slide to the other side of the bed, away from him. He jumps backwards, hitting the wall, and I apologize.

"I'm not ready yet…" I breath.

"Sorry…" He mumbles.

"So, why are you here anyways?" I ask him. He can't just randomly want to see me.

"Do you not want me here, sweetheart? I came to give you a message from Finn… he wants to take you to the beach room tomorrow, but he wanted to know if you were ready or not to see him again."

I think about this for a minute; do I even want to spend more time with Finnick? Well of course I do. I want to beat this stupid problem and get back into my normal life. I don't want to be afraid of everyone anymore. I don't want to have these scars anymore.

So, after I've thought about it, I say, "I'm ready. Tell him to pick me up at 11, we'll have a picnic."


	25. Chapter 25: I just want more

_Authors Note at the end of the chapter! :)_

* * *

><p>They won't let me wear clothes. They said I have to stay in this hospital gown.<p>

I back up against the wall, away from the nurse, scared of her touch. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you. You are allowed to leave with Finnick, but you have to stay in your gown." She says.

"W-why?" I whisper. I don't like this robe, the whole back is open, and because I'm only wearing my bra and underwear underneath you can see them, too. What If Finnick tries to attack me when he sees me wearing it?

"Just in case. Come with me, Finnick is outside. Here-" She tosses me a rope and I catch it gracefully, "Don't forget it."

I take a few steps toward her, testing myself, and eventually I make it out the door with the help of the rope. I see Finnick standing on the opposite side of the hall, and I freeze. "It's okay, he's not going to hurt you. Just focus on your knots…" I mumble to myself over and over. Finnick takes a few steps towards me.

"Hey Gemma, how are you doing today?" He asks.

I take a deep breath and I look up into his eyes, and surprisingly I don't feel scared, I feel comforted. There's something about those eyes that tell me he won't hurt me. "I'm Okay…" I whisper, more for myself then him.

"You know the way, right Finnick?" The nurse asks Finnick. He nods, and the nurse hands him a basket. "Have fun you two."

Finnick offers me his hand, but I slowly shake my head. "I-I'm not ready yet, I'm sorry." I whisper.

He smiles, but I can see the pain on his face, "It's fine. The beach room is just down this way." He begins to walk down the hall, and I follow along. "It's very cool, you know." He states, looking me up and down as we walk.

"I heard…" I say, smiling a little. I have to admit, from what Haymitch has told me it sounds great. "I just- They wouldn't let me wear clothes." I say.

He laughs a bit, "It's okay, really. I only got out of my robe a few days ago." I stop and freeze. "Gemma? What's wrong?" He asks me, standing in front of me.

I don't feel scared, and I don't feel a flashback or a memory coming on. I feel _guilty_. "I put you in there didn't I?" The voices in my head are silent.

"No, Gemma, you didn't." He says, bending his knees a little to reach my height.

I look up into his eyes again, "Yes I did! I know I did! You… You attacked me and I hurt you!" I all but scream.

"Sh, Gemma, no no no, you have it all wrong baby…" He whispers, his eyes searching my face for something.

"No I don't, I'm right!" I say.

"No… I never hurt you and you never hurt me. We love each other, we don't hurt each other…" He coos.

"Then what happen?" I ask him.

He takes a deep breath, "While you were… away… I tried to end my life a couple times… then after seeing you, and you were so scared of me… I went a bit crazy…" He says, with a tiny smile.

I slowly move my hand to his cheek… it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt to touch him and I'm not scared. He isn't going to hurt me. "Why would you do that?" I whisper.

"I just love you so much, I couldn't bare to live without you…" He says.

Tears spring in my eyes, "But… but you don't love me… I have those memories and… and…"

"No, sweetheart, when you were away they changed your memories to try to make you scared of all of us, just like they did Peeta to Katniss…" He tells me.

I close my eyes, trying to think this over. Is he telling the truth? Or is he just feeding me lies. "I don't know if I believe you…" I say, still with my eyes close. I can't look at the pain on his face, I can't.

"You need to trust me, Gemma. I would never hurt you, ever."

I open my eyes again, looking at him. He looks older than he does in my memories… maybe it was the stress of me being gone. Maybe he's telling the truth. "There's something in my heart telling me to believe you, but then my brain has all this evidence that you hurt me in the past…" I tell him.

He takes my hand from his cheek, interlocking his fingers with mine. My eyes widen and I flinch, "Follow your heart, baby. I'm never going to hurt you. I'm going to protect you…" All I do is nod; I don't know what to say. He must take this as a good sign, because he takes simple steps down the hall, not saying a word.

Eventually, we make it to the beach room. I gasp when I see it, it's amazing. It looks just like district four, only instead of the beach circling a wavy ocean, the beach is encircling a calm lake. "Oh, Finnick…" I breath. This place helps… a lot. All kinds of good memories come rushing back to me, not the bad ones, and the voices in my mind are _silent. _This is the first time I've been completely quiet in my head. "They're… not talking…" I whisper.

"Who's not talking?" He says.

"T-the voices, in my head, they aren't saying anything… I remember good memories of us here…" I whisper again, taking in the beach. I stumble down onto the sand, falling onto my knees, running it through my fingers. It feels so good. It feels like _home_.

I feel him besides me, "Are you doing okay, so far?"

I look at him with tears in my eyes, "This is the first time I haven't felt scared around you, Finn." A big grin appears on his face, and he raises his hand, eyes asking for permission. I nod, and he pushes my messy hair out of my hair. This brings back another memory, one that I don't know if it's real or not. "Hey, Finnick?"

"Yeah?" He begins tying little knots in my hair, and I watch his fingers move as mine make knots in the rope.

"Before... the quell… all those days we spent together, did you ever braid my hair?" I ask him. I feel like it's one of the real, good memories, but I don't know.

He smiles, "That's true… I was always braiding your hair… do you remember that?" He asks me, and I watch him change the knots to braids.

"Yes, I do…" I say, a smile appears on my face. I scoot closer to him, so our legs are touching. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't burn, but it _tingles_. It's a good feeling, I like it.

We stay like that for a while, just sitting there. He braids my hair over and over, and I just play with the sand. Then I feel like I'm ready for something else.

I ever so slowly tilt my head down so it's leaning on his shoulder. I hear him gasp in surprise, and I jump away immediately. "What's wrong? I hurt you didn't I?"

He smiles, reaching his hand out for me. "No, you didn't! I was just surprised. But it's a good surprise. Come here…" I slide back to him, curling into him. He makes me feel safe here, not scared. That's when I realize he's telling the truth; he's going to protect me, not hurt me. He wraps his arms around me, whispering in my ear, "Are you afraid?"

"N-not of you… I think that you are going to help me, not hurt me." I whisper. I look up into his eyes, and they are filled with tears.

"Is that you, Gemma?" He asks me, eyes covering my face.

Now it's my time to cry, and I let a few slip down my cheeks. "I- I think it's me, Finn… there's something about being in this room with you that makes me feel like I'm at home… I'm not scared." He lets out a half laugh half sob kind of sound, and I look at him confused. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just so happy, baby… I thought you would never come back to me… I thought you would always be scared of me."

I smile for a second, but then it fades. "I don't know what I'm going to be like outside of this room, though, Finn… and around other people I'm a mess…"

"It's okay, we have forever to work on it. I'll live in this room with you, if I have to. I'm just so happy you're getting better. You can ask me about anything, you know that, right?"

Now with him saying this, I need to clarify something. My memories tell me that he's the father of Trixie, but it wasn't consensual. I don't think this is true, at all. But I don't know. "There is one thing…"

"What's that?" He asks.

"Are you the father of Trixie? My memories tell me you are… but it wasn't consensual…" I whisper. He doesn't say anything for a while, I just hear him crying quietly. "Finnick?"

"Why would they do that? Why would they make you think that I am a monster?" He mumbles to himself.

"No Finnick, I don't believe it… I don't think you would ever do that… but I need to know if you're really Trixie's father… I hear her call you daddy so I just want to know…" I tell him, tracing designs over his arms. I look down to my arms and chest, looking at all the scars. There are some new ones, but they are mostly the ones from my games, or so I think.

"No, I'm not Trixie's father. He left after you found out you were pregnant…" He says.

There's one other thing I need to know. I lift my shirt, revealing the smiley face scar. "And this… did you do this?"

He shakes his head, bringing his fingers down to trace it. "No, that happened during your games, but then Ky-" I let out a cry at his name. I remember Ky, everything about him. That's one thing they didn't change. "Sh, I'm sorry, it's okay."

I calm myself down, "No, no, I'm sorry…"

"Do you remember any good memories?" He asks me. I do, I do remember some. The first one that comes to my mind is one of my favorites.

"When I… Before my games, after training one morning, we were at lunch, and someone told you that I liked you… is that true?" I ask.

He laughs, "Yes that one's true. I'll never forget that."

I laugh with him, and he brings one of his fingers to my chin. He tilts my head up so I'm looking at him, and I question him with my eyes. That's when he does something unexpected. He kisses me.

I don't feel scared. I don't pull away.

I kiss him back, getting this weird feeling in my stomach.

And that's when I realize I don't want him to stop kissing me.

I just want more.

* * *

><p><em>Well, Hey guys! I decided to write this note at the end instead of the beginning this time! xD <em>

_I'm sorry it's been forever since I've updated! But my family are gone home now, so I will try to get back into the swing of things. _

_I don't think there are going to be very many chapters left… I don't know the exact amount, but there won't be that many. Sooo, I'm taking suggestions as to what my next story should be! xD _

_I was thinking maybe something on Katniss/Peetas or Finnick/Annies children (But they've been done so many times, they're kind of boring after a while!) Or maybe something on the life of Clove and Cato. I think that Clato should have had a bigger role in the book, because they are so awesome, and because I think there is much more to their relationship than it seems. But yeah, if anyone has any ideas for my next story they are gladly appreciated! _

_Anyways, how did you like the chapter? I think that Gemma should get some kind of happier ending, because she's been through so much… so you'll just have to wait and see what happens to her. _

_Review! They fuel my writing! _

xXxXx

_**"Did you love Annie right away, Finnick?" "No, She crept up on me." **__I think this could actually be one of my favorite lines in the whole trilogy. I just love Finnie so much._


	26. Chapter 26: Just a worthless crazy whore

_Anon: I love you. You're so kind. You should come off of Anon and talk to me, though (:_

_LinneaPike: I think I'm going to make Katniss a little nicer now, instead of just a cold, emotionless girl. Haha._

_Elli: hehehe :)_

_I'm so sorry about the wait guys! I've had such a writer's block for this chapter, I don't know why. But I told myself I'm not moving from this spot until I write this for you guys; it's been way to long. _

_I started to write a Cato/OC fanfiction, but I just didn't think it would work so I don't think I'm going to post it. I'm thinking I'm going to start a Clato fanfiction after I finish this chapter, though, so check out my page later tonight (No guarantees I will post it, but I may). Just warning you all, they're probably going to be a bit different than they are in the arena (as in more romance-y) because I think Clato are so cute._

_I hope you like the chapter! Please review, lovelies!_

_xXxXx_

"_**To this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope..."**_

* * *

><p>"Oh shit, come on Gemma we have to go." Finnick says, pulling me up.<p>

I look at him with wide eyes, "What's wrong?"

His eyes glance down to the watch on his wrist before back to me. "We fell asleep, we have to go back. Prim is going to worry." I stand up with his help before holding onto his arm to stop him.

"Finnick, wait."

"What, Gem? We have to go!" He says, starting to walk. I don't let him go, and he turns back to me, "What is it?"

"Don't leave me." I whisper to him.

He takes a step back so he's at my side, then he wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. "I won't ever leave you." We begin to walk, but I stop at the door.

"I-I don't want to leave yet…" I whisper. He pushes open the doors, pulling me away from the beautiful room.

"You have too. We can come back again soon, I promise." I freeze as I take in my surroundings; there's so many people. They're rushing back and forth, almost banging into us. Finnick senses my horror, and he tightens his hold. "It's okay, I won't let anyone hurt you." I nod numbly, and he drags me down the hall and back into my room.

Johanna greets us, "There they are, the little love birds. How was it, Gem?" I get out of Finnick's grasp and walk straight into Johanna's arms. We just stand there and hug as Finnick tells Johanna about our time together. "Well, it sounds like you had a good time. How are you feeling?" She says to me.

"I'm doing better now, I think…" I whisper into her. I feel her nod.

"Okay, I have to go… I promised Katniss I would spend some time with her. See you girlies later," Finnick says, winking at Johanna and then giving me a genuine smile, blowing me a kiss. I pretend to grab it and tuck it in my pocket and he laughs.

"Later, Odair." Johanna says, guiding me back to my bed.

We talk for a little while longer, before the sleepiness comes over me. I fall asleep almost instantly, dreaming of the beach.

…

"Gemma? Wake up… someone's here to see you." I feel Johanna's worn hands shaking me.

"5 more minutes…" I say, rolling over and away from her. I'm not ready to face reality yet. I hear someone laugh in the background, and my eyes fly open. "Who's here, Johanna?" I say. You can hear the shakiness of my voice, already afraid.

"Sh… it's okay, it's just Katniss… she won't hurt you." I hear Johanna soothe. My eyes find Katniss, and I sit up.

"What does she want?" I whisper to Johanna.

"I'm right here, you know." Katniss spits. I flinch at her words.

"Katniss, stop. She isn't ready." Johanna says, putting her hand up to shush Katniss. I see Katniss nod. "She just wants to talk to you… about Peeta."

I squeeze my eyes together in an attempt to block out Peeta's screams that are being played in my head. "Stop… stop… stop…" I whisper to the screams.

"Sh, it's okay, it's all done. No one can hurt us anymore…" Johanna says. I open my eyes again and nod, trying my hardest to ignore them.

"What happened?" Katniss asks me.

"Uh, Peeta… his screams…" I whisper. Pain flashes across her face but she nods.

"You hear them?"

I nod, wishing I was shaking my head instead. "We all do. They haunt us, in our nightmares, in our heads. Every minute." Johanna says.

All different kind of emotions cross Katniss's face- Pain, anger, sorrow, horror. "How do you handle it?" She asks the both of us.

I smile at her, "We don't."

She gives me a look of confusion and disgust, "What?"

I hold up my hands, suddenly really angry for some reason. I hate when people pretend there is nothing wrong with me, just for my benefit. I _hate_ it. "Why do you think I'm in here? Why do you think everyone is scared to talk to me? Because I'm crazy! Does it look like I'm handling it very well? I'm scared to be around anyone because of what's happened to me! Voices talk to me in my head, telling me people are going to hurt me, just because of what has happened to me! I'm a wreck! I will never get better, and neither will Peeta!"

Her jaw drops at my outburst, and tears fill her eyes before she runs out of the room. I'm still fuming, breathing heavy, clawing at my sheets. Johanna slowly backs away from my bed, "Gemma, it's okay." She's trying to calm me down.

"No! It's not! I will never be Gemma anymore, I will never be treated the same! I'm crazy! That's all I am, a worthless crazy whore that nobody loves!" I scream at her as loud as I can, trying to be louder than the voices that are screaming things at me.

"P-please, calm down."

"No! I will not calm down! I'm so sick of this! I just want to die!" I begin thrashing around in my bed, trying to get out of the sheets that are tangled around my skin when Johanna calls for help. 3 nurses come in and I scream at them, still mad and afraid. Johanna holds me down so they can put the restrains on me, still trying to calm me.

I shriek and shriek until my throat starts to bleed and only a squeak comes out. "You all yelled out yet?" Johanna asks me, crossing her arms. She looks frustrated.

I'm not all yelled out; I wish I could just scream, but I physically can't. Instead I just glare at her. "See what just happened? Now you're tied down again. This is your fault." Johanna says, smirking.

I open my mouth to scream again, but nothing comes out. I try and try and try, but there's nothing. "Stop, you're just going to hurt yourself some more. Why did you even do that, anyways?" She asks me.

I look away from her in an answer, considering I can't talk. "Do you want Finnick?" I hear her say after a while. I nod my head furiously, and she leaves the room. As she's gone I try to get my voice working again. After a while I get back to talking.

"She went crazy," I hear Johanna inform Finnick as they walk in the door. He runs over to me.

"Gemma!" He kisses me and I croak out his name. He wipes the hair from my face, "Why would you do that? What happened?" He whispers.

"I… I don't want to live Finnick." I say, casually.

Johanna sighs from her bed, "Not the suicide thing again. How many times have you tried killing yourself since you won? Four times?"

Finnick flips around, "Shut up Johanna. Get out and give us some privacy."

She snorts, "This is my room, Odair. You can't kick me out."

He raises his eyebrows, "Oh yeah?" Then he slings her over his shoulder, ignoring her pounding fists in his back, and walks her over to the door. He drops her just outside the frame, and while she's collecting herself he closes and locks the door. "Finally we're alone." I still hear Johanna cursing outside as he walks to my bed. "Now talk to me, tell me what happen."

"I think Johanna already told you." I say, looking away from him.

"She told me her side of the story, I want to hear it from you. What was going through your brain."

I look back to him, tears forming in my eyes. "She has no idea. Katniss can never understand what my life is like; and for her to come into my room, asking me questions on how I deal with it, it just pissed me off. I don't deal with it. I'm a nut case, my daughter hates me, and I'm the ugliest person in the world. I just don't want to be here anymore."

"You're right… Katniss will never understand. She will never know, either. But you can try to help her understand though, instead of getting mad, right? And you are not a nut case, your daughter loves you more than anything, and you are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on." He says, stroking my hair.

"How can you say that, Finn? How can you still love me?"

"I would still love you even if you were in a coma for the rest of your days. Nothing will ever change my mind about you, no matter what." I don't say anything, I just fool around with the restraint on my waist. "What are you thinking?"

"I just don't understand it… why would you love me? I'm nothing but a broken slut."

"Gemma…. You are so much more than that, you just can't see it, my love."

"B-" A loud knock on the door cuts me off. "Not now, Jo!" I scream out.

A loud voice I've never heard replies, "This is not Ms Mason, Ms. Stone." I see Finnick's eyes widen at the voice.

"Well, I'm sorry but I'm unable to get to the door right now. I'm kind of strapped to the bed." I spit out. I don't like the woman already. The door bursts open, and in walks a woman and two big men. I shrink closer to Finnick. "C-can I help you?"

"Oh, Soldier Odair. I didn't know I would come across you in here." She says, cocking her head at Finn.

"Soldier?" I ask him.

He gives me a sad look without answering, so the woman answers. "Yes, Soldier. That is actually what I'd like to talk to you about. Your doctors have informed me you've made great progress, up till this little incident this morning. Am I correct?" I nod dumbly. "Well, I was wondering if you would like to start at the base program we are offering to you and Ms. Mason, to hopefully become a soldier in our rebellion."

"What! No! It's too dangerous, Coi-" Finnick screams at the woman, but she cuts him off.

"This is none of your business, Mr. Odair. What do you say, Gemma?"

I look from Finnick to the woman, and despite Finnick's pleads something inside of me is telling me I have to do this… whatever _this_ is.

"I'll do it."


	27. Chapter 27: Tie your knots

_Hey guys! I've received some questions about what's going to happen within the next few chapters… as in, what's going to happen to Finnick? What's going to happen to Trixie? Are they going to die?_

_Well, my answer for you is…_

_Yes. __**One**__ person is going to die, either Finnick or Trixie. You will just have to wait to find out who though. Either way, Gemma is going to be so broken and shattered I don't know if she's going to recover from it this time._

_This is not my final decision, of course. I could go ahead and not have anyone die, but what's the fun in that? Start making your predictions on who's going to die in the reviews!_

_Anyways, I'm going to go ahead and advertise my accounts again ;)_

_So follow me on twitter! …GamePeetaLover  
>Follow me on tumblr! …Midnight-at-the-hanging-tree<br>Follow my roleplay tumblr account (I'm Rue! And there are still plenty of places open if you want to join on the roleplay!) …deepinthemeadowwithrue_

_Well, this is a long authors note… but on the plus side, This is a longer chapter! Hope you like it! _

_R E V I E W _

_xXxXx_

_**"…if you hear the Mockingjays singing it, you'll know that I'm okay…"**_

* * *

><p>"Wonderful!" The lady, who I now know is called 'President Coin' shrills.<p>

Coin flips on her heals, and I hear them tapping out of the room. I hear the men she was with apologize about the door, and they try to close it the best they can, even though it's falling off by the hinges. When my eyes leave the door, they focus back on Finnick. He's crouched over my bed, and I can't tell if he's crying or not. "Finnick?" I whisper, poking his shoulder. He gives no response so I try again, a little louder, "Finn? What did I just sign up for?"

He looks up at me then, and I can see his face is red and there are tear tracks falling from his eyes. "You have no idea, do you?" He whispers.

"Excuse me?" I ask him, giving him a confused look.

"You have no idea how much danger you are putting yourself in… this is going to be much, much worse than any arena you were in, Gem… you're going to war. There are going to be guns and bombs and thousands of people who want you dead, not just 23." He flings his head back down, and I hear him sniffling.

"Finnick, it's okay, really. I'll be fine…" I say, timidly rubbing his back.

He looks up at me once more with the saddest eyes I've ever seen, then he get up and leaves my room.

_What did I just sign up for?_

…

"Gem, get up." I hear Johanna say.

"No." I say, bringing the blankets up over my head. I hear her laugh, and so does someone else. Great, another surprise visitor. "Who's there this time?"

"It's me, mommy." I freeze instantly at the word mommy, but slowly make myself relax in under the blanket. She can't hurt me, she won't. She loves me, she's my daughter.

Despite the horrible thing the voices are screaming at me, I manage to take the blanket down with my shaking hand. She stands at the foot of my bed, smiling at me. "Trixie…" I whisper. She looks different. She looks so much older than I remember…

A few tears slip from her eyes, and she half smiles half laughs, "Hi mommy… I missed you."

My motherly instinct is much more powerful than my fear, so I do the first thing that pops into my head when I see my baby girl crying. I attempt to leap across the bed to try to get to her, only to find I'm strapped down again. I growl at the restraints, needing to get to my daughter, but she realizes what's happening so she walks over to me. She sits on the bed with me, and even though I'm shaking from fear I hold her in my arms, not daring to let her go.

"Trixie, baby, I love you more than anything in this world…" I whisper into her ear.

"I know…" She whispers back, burying into my shoulder some more.

I stroke her hair, "Did Haymitch take good care of you while I was… away?" I ask her, choosing my words carefully so I won't set myself off again.

She nods, "So did daddy."

"Good, I'm glad. Haystack wasn't too drunk all the time, was he?" I laugh, thinking about the good memories I have of me and Finnick constantly taunting Haymitch about his drinking.

She giggles, "No, actually. He was sober the whole time."

I look confused, "Sober? How do you know what sober means? You're nine…" I didn't tell her anything about being sober before.

She gives me a sad smile before brushing the hair from my face, "I'm grown up now, mommy. I've changed."

The last time I say my baby she was a blubbering wreck… now she's this strong, brave girl who I don't even know anymore. I wipe at my eyes, letting a tiny choking noise leave my throat. "What did I miss?" I whisper.

"Well, you know Prim, right?" I laugh, of course I know Prim. I nod, telling her to go on. "Well, I help her around the hospital now… she explained to me what happened to you…" She trails off.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, Trix… I'm so so sorry…"

"It's not your fault, I didn't realize that before. I'm sorry I accused you of not loving me, I didn't know what happened then."

Before I can answer her, Johanna interrupts us. "Sorry to interrupt this little bonding moment, but Gemma we have to go to training."

"Wait, what training again?"

"Do you listen at all, Gemma? You had your conversation with Coin last night, me and you? We have to train for the war now?" My eyes flash to Trixie and she looks like her heart has broken. What was I thinking, going away to war? Theres a huge chance both me and Finn won't be coming back… how could I do that to our daughter?

"No, Trixie, it's okay." I say before she can say anything. She simply nods and leaves the room, just like her father did last night.

Johanna comes over, unlocking the restraint and helping me up. "It's okay, you'll talk to her later…" She whispers to me as she helps me up. "Okay, here are your clothes." She passes me a plain grey t-shirt and plain grey sweat pants. I gasp in surprise; this is the first time I've been giving real clothes. "Yeah, I know, real clothes, right? Well, you won't have it for long if you melt down again. You're going to see many things that might set you off, but you'll have your rope. You need to learn to get past it, somehow, Gem. If you're in the battle field, surrounded by people, you can't just break down."

I sigh in defeat, knowing she's right. "I know, I know… It's hard though, Johanna. Is Peeta going?"

She stares at the ground for a minute. "Yes, he's going to try it. But you can't tell Katniss, okay?"

I look at her confused; if she's a soldier she deserves to know who's on her team. "Why not?"

"Just… don't. And don't mention Katniss around Peeta. It may be hard to believe but he gets set off by a lot more than you." I strip off the hospital gown, and she helps me into the suit. I could care less about people seeing me anymore; after being used and abused so much it doesn't bother me at all if Johanna sees me.

"I got it." I say once I'm dressed. It feels so good to look normal for a change. Well, not really normal, considering you can still see a lot of my scars.

She sees me staring down at the marks, tracing them lightly, and she picks up my chin. "Chin up, don't focus on it. Here's your shoes." She hands me a pair of grey sneakers; everything is grey here. I slip them on, and they fit my feet perfectly.

I grin at Johanna, "How do I look? Not used to seeing me in real clothes, are you?" We both laugh, and she hands me my rope.

"You okay to go?" She asks me. I walk over to the mirror and look at myself, seeing all scars and messy hair.

"Do you have a ribbon?" I ask her, wanting to tie my hair up. She nods and starts looking around. She hands me a piece of a bandage, "This?"

She shrugs, and I scrunch up my face, taking the bandage. I carefully tie my hair up into a pony tail, quickly regretting it. I didn't realize I had scars all over my neck too. I run my hand over them, re-feeling the chains wrapped around me. I let out a squeaky sound, trying not to cry, and Johanna comes over, tugging me from behind. "Stop it! You have to stop! It's time to move on… they'll fade, eventually, I promise."

I look up at her with sad eyes, trying to get the memories out of my head. "You promise?"

She nods, "I promise. Here, make some knots." My hands start moving automatically, making all different kinds of knots. I don't even realize I'm doing it, it just happens, like breathing and blinking. "Now come on, let's go." She loops her arm through mine, and we start to leave the room.

I look up after a few minutes, only to see every eye in the hospital hallway staring at me. I start to shake, even though I know they are probably only surprised to see me out and about. I sink into Johanna, trying to hide from them, and she rubs my hand. "Just tie your knots. They aren't looking at you."

I nod, beginning to tie again. I make a mini noose. "Hey, Jo? How are you so strong?"

She pauses for a second, slowing her walking, and she shrugs. "Trust me, I'm not that strong… Look at me! I guess I can just handle it better than you." I look her over, taking in her bald head and scabbing skin. Her skin is also sagging a little, covered in scars. Despite her physical state, she still looks completely beautiful to me.

"I'm crazy, aren't I?" I ask her, contently tying my knots. I'm okay with being crazy, but I don't need people pointing it out and staring at me.

"Not crazy. Just broken." She says. We don't talk anymore, we just continue on walking; her half dragging me, me tying my knots.

What feels like hours later, which is really only a few minutes, we get out of an elevator deep in the under ground, walking to training. (_**A/N I know in the book it said Johanna and Katniss trained together, but I am changing it so Gemma/Johanna/Peeta train together, and Katniss/Finnick**_) Before we get to the door, Johanna squeezes my arm again, "Remember, be careful to what you say…"

I nod and push the door open; I see Peeta sitting at a long table covered in camouflage supplies, painting himself. It's set up just as the training center for the games used to be, and I shiver. The man named Boggs meet us, "Hello Gemma, Johanna. How are you two doing?" I know he's referring to me being around people.

I shrug, moving over so I'm hiding behind Johanna a bit. I don't trust this man, not at all. "She's doing better-" She turns to me, "Tie your knots, Gem." I suddenly feel like Johanna is taking care of me, and I feel bad. She has her own problems.

I ignore the two talking, and I begin to walk over to Peeta. "Gemma, wait!" I hear Johanna call after me, but I ignore it.

I make it to Peeta, "Hey Peeta…" I whisper, "Your arm is amazing. How did you do that?" He looks up and smiles at me, and I see the old Peeta that used to comfort me in my cell, not the scary hijacked Peeta.

"Hey, Gemma. How are you? And I'm just painting… remember my cupcakes? It's just like I'm frosting them, only it's my arm." I laugh, remembering the cupcakes. My mouth starts to water, imagining the taste.

"You still need to teach me how to make and decorate them, I'll need to know when we finally get to go home." I see his whole body tense up at my words, probably imagining Katniss hurting his loved ones back home. I quickly change the topic, "I'm doing fine today. I don't really know what this is all about, but apparently we're training for something?"

He nods, mumbling something unintelligible; all I catch is, "…like the games…"

I feel Johanna at my side, "Hi Peeta. That's really cool." She points to his arm and he grins again.

I begin to tie my knots again, zoning them out. After a while I come back to reality, and I see Johanna and Peeta running laps around the room. I cock my head to the side, watching them, and I notice Boggs cheering them on to keep going from the sides. I wonder why no one interrupted me to get me to train.

I walk to the wall, sliding down it to the cold floor, not ready to work yet. I continue tying my knots and before I know it, blood begins to pour from my fingers.

I feel someone looking down at me after a decent sized puddle of blood has surrounded me, and I look up to see Boggs. "What are you doing, Stone?" He says, grabbing my hand.

I pull back my hands on instinct, crawling away from him, biting my lip so I don't scream. And he follows me. "Gemma... Ms Stone... I'm not going to hurt you. Your hands are bleeding, I need to look at them." I decide to believe him, and I pass up one of my shaking hands. He sighs when he sees them, "Come on, let's go back to the hospital…" He grabs my elbow to help me up, and once I'm standing straight I get out of his grasp, glaring at him. He turns to Johanna and Peeta, "Mason, Mellark, I'm taking Stone back to the hospital!"

They both jog over, "What happen?" Peeta takes in the blood on the floor, and he looks at me with concern. Nervously I walk to him, and he opens his arms, pulling me to him, just like he used to when I was hurt in my cell.

He rubs circles into my back, "Gemma, what happened?" He whispers to me.

"I-I was t-tying knot-ts." I say, still shaking.

He turns to Boggs, "It's okay, I'm going to take her to the hospital. It's time for me to go back myself."

Boggs clears his throat, "You know I can't let you do that Peeta."

Peeta sighs, clearly remembering, and he lets me out of his arms. "They don't trust me yet, I still have to wear the chains." I nod, knowing that I'm probably the same way, whenever I'm not with anyone.

Johanna speaks up, "I'll take her. I'm tired anyways. See you later, boys." She says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and dragging me out the door. I hold up my fingers, watching the blood flow out of them. "Don't worry, we'll get you fixed up."


	28. Chapter 28: Little blue box

_Hey guys! Sorry for the three day wait! Thanks to all of you who've reviewed, I really love reading them. They make my days much better._

_I hope you like the chapter, I know I liked writing it. Tell me what you think of the ending ;) _

_Don't even think about skipping to the end now that I just read that._

_You must read the whole chapter and then review to tell me what you think._

_Please?_

_I'll try to update soon! (:_

_I do not own the hunger games or any of it's amazing characters!_

_xXxXx_

**_"Effie Trinket... reads out the name in a clear voice. And it's not me. It's Primrose Everdeen."_**

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><p>Every day is the same, only much harder. I get up, get dressed, go to training with Johanna and Peeta, have lunch with Finnick and Trixie, go back to training, go back to the hospital, have dinner there, then sleep. I'm on even more medication now then I was before the quell, it's not just one simple pill at dinner; it's a pill in the morning and three at dinner. I don't even know what they're for. But besides from that, what makes my days so bad, is that now my fingers are bandaged, so I can't tie my rope. It turns out that after my first day in training when my fingers started bleeding, my cuts got infected. So now each of my fingers need to stay bandaged until it gets better, which feels like it may take forever.<p>

Trixie's epilepsy is fine. I just found out at lunch from Finnick that she had her first seizure in forever while we were in the arena. I wanted to know how Finnick knew, and he said that Haymitch told him everything that happened while I was away. That reminded me that I've barely spoken to Haymitch since I got here, and it's been almost three months now.

"Stone! What are you doing!" I hear Boggs voice shout at me; I've become a lot more comfortable around him now, and the voices have stopped shouting horrible things about him. I realize he's going to help me, not hurt me.

I look down, and notice I'm sitting in the middle of the running track. Johanna and Peeta are running laps, dodging me when they get here. "Oh, what?" I ask, trying to ply my bandages off.

"First of all, get your hands away from your fingers!" He shouts, pointing at me. I laugh at him getting so angry over such a little thing, and he storms over to me. I stand up when he reaches me, and I only reach his chin. I look up at him with raised eyebrows.

"Boggs, do you know who you're talking to right now?" I ask him, jokingly. I don't think he realizes I've been in the arena twice, willing to kill.

"That I do, Gemma. Now straighten up and start running your laps again!" He shouts in my face like a drill sergeant. I know he's only doing it because it makes me laugh, he's not actually being mean.

I push his shoulder, hard, and he stumbles backwards a few steps. I see Johanna and Peeta stop running, turned to watch us. "Actually, I think I'm done for today." I say casually.

"What? It's only 3 oclock, Gemma. You have 2 more hours until dinner!" He says, lowering his voice now.

I shrug, "Eh. I'm done for this afternoon, I want to go find Finnick. I think he wants to talk to me about something." I turn to leave, and I hear him sigh. I look over my shoulder to see he isn't even going to protest, he's just back to barking orders at Johanna and Peeta. I turn around, "What's wrong with you today? Normally you'd be at my throat to make me stay." I joke.

He gives me a sad look, "It's nothing." Then he smiles, "Just go talk to Finnick. Have a good day. Gemma." I look at him confused before running from the training center; something's up with Finnick, I know it.

…

"Hey you," Finnick says to me; I greet him by wrapping my arms around his waist. I've been starting to remember a few more of my memories of us, the good ones, and I'm not scared of him at all. I still have my moments where I can't let him touch me, but overall he protects me and makes me feel safe.

I don't even bother to say hi, "Finnick, what's wrong?"

He looks to the floor, "Nothing."

"Don't give me that shit, Finn." I say, picking his chin up so he has to look at me. He breaks us apart, and starts to walk, putting his arm around my shoulder. I lean into his body and he tightens his hold when I start to wince at people passing us.

He doesn't say a word to me until we reach his room, "Do you want the good news or bad news first?"

I sigh, "Give me the good news, I guess."

He smiles, "I just got the news from the hospital that you are well enough to move in here with me and Trixie!"

I grin, jumping up and hugging him, "Oh Finnick! That's wonderful! I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get out of there!"

"They said you made incredible progress, and even though you still break down sometimes, if you always have someone with you you should be fine to stay here." He explains happily.

"Oh, this is amazing. There has to be some kind of catch though?"

"You just have to go back to the hospital every day to talk with somebody…" He whispers into my ear, kissing my neck.

I pull away from him, frowning. "I'm not talking to any damn therapist, if that's what you're telling me to do. I have training everyday, Finn! And I can talk to you or Johanna or Peeta, I don't need to!" My mind wanders to Johanna, having to leave her in the hospital alone, so I bring it up, "What about Johanna?"

He pushes a piece of hair behind my ears, "She's going to be staying with Katniss. She doesn't know it yet, though. She'll love it, won't she?"

I burst out laughing at that, Johanna and Katniss? Johanna will go crazier than me, she's not a big fan of her. I wipe my eyes clear of the tears that are coming from them, "Poor Johanna!"

He frowns, "Hey! That's not very nice, Gem. You don't even know Katniss."

I stop laughing instantly, glaring up at him, "And you do?"

"Yes, I do! We... helped each other a lot when you guys were in the Capitol."

This sends my mind whirling, and the voices come back for the first time in months. "Hm. I see. You seemed to have left that out when you were filling me in." I break away from him and storm off to the door, but he beats me to it, blocking my only exit. "Let me out." I spit.

"No, baby, you don't understand," He says, trying to calm me down. How dare he be kind to me after telling me he basically cheated on me with Katniss.

"What don't I understand? It's not hard to comprehend that you were being a _little too friendly_ with the girl on fire, Finn." My hand reaches for the door handle, and he bats it away lightly. Unfortunately, this is enough to set me off though, and I stumble backwards. My hands rise in fear, "No, wait, don't hurt me, I'm sorry!" I fall to the floor, crawling backwards, not taking my eyes off of him. He gives me a painful look and takes a step towards me. I scream in terror.

"Gemma! It's me, Finn! I'm not going to hurt you." He says in a calm voice. I continue to crawl backward, shaking my head.

"No, you're not my Finn. They took away my Finn. You're an evil Finn that's going to hurt me like always!" I scream at him, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping to get the screaming in my head to stop.

He sits down across from me, not knowing what to do. I stop crawling and just stay there, curling into a little ball and rocking back and forth. "No, Gemma, it's me. It's me, your Finn. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm here to help you, remember? I protect you." He soothes to me from across the room.

"No, no, no. No you're not. No." I say, continuing to rock. I clamp my hands over my ears, trying to block everything out, and I begin to scream. I feel like I'm screaming forever, but then there are hands on me. It's not Finnick's hands, I know his hands. These are rough hands, peacekeepers hands. I start kicking and punching, trying to get the hands away from me. I'm supposed to be free from the torture, but somehow they found me. President Snow found me.

I feel a pinch in my neck, and I feel the hands fade. Darkness envelopes me.

…

I feel the restraints first. I don't have to open my eyes to know I'm tied to a hospital bed after my meltdown. I'm feeling normal now, though. "Gemma?" I hear my voice being called by a familiar voice, a female voice. I feel hands stroking my hair.

I open my eyes to see Johanna, sitting at my bedside, brushing hair out of my face. "Jo?" I say, clearing my throat.

"Finnick told me what happened… they can't get you anymore, Gem. You're safe now." She says quietly.

"Where is he? I need to talk to him." I say, trying to get up from the bed.

"He's gone." She whispers.

"Gone?" I asked, scared like a little girl. Wait, gone? Like, dead gone?

"Yes… he's gone, Gem." I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest.

"What do you mean, gone? Is he d-dead?" I whisper.

She looks at me confused, "No, he's not dead! He's gone to district two with his squad. You've been out for two days; that's what he wanted to tell you those nights ago, but you took it wrong." _**(A/N – I couldn't remember if Finnick actually went to D2 in the book, but in this one he did!)**_

I let out a sigh of relief, "Oh, thank god." I punch her arm, "You frightened me to death!"

She rubs her arm, smiling, "Well, sorry. You didn't give me time to explain. He'll be back in a week or two, so until then the hospital are making you stay in here just to be safe. I am going to stay in Finnick's room with Trixie."

"Why is he gone to District 2?" I ask.

"They are going to get some video for some propos… they also wanted to see if there was something they could do to get them on our side. Now if you're all calmed down enough I'd love to get you to help me bring some of my things to his room." She explains before calling a nurse in to undo me.

The nurse frees me and I jump up, changing from my stupid robe to normal clothes. I miss my shorts and baggy tops, I'm tired of all of this grey garbage.

"Here," Johanna passes me a box of clothes, and she carries another one. She leads me out of the room and down a few hallways and a staircase to his room. Once we're in there I drop the box on to the ground.

"Where do I unpack these?" I ask her.

"Just put them in the bottom drawer of his dresser, I doubt he got a lot of clothes in there."

I walk over to the dresser and forcefully open the bottom drawer; it's sticky. Johanna was wrong, there's plenty of clothes in here. I take them out, two big stacks, and flick them to the floor. When I hear them drop I hear a_ Clang!_

I look to Johanna, and she comes and sits on the floor next to me. We pass confusing looks back and forth, wondering what it is we just heard.

I slowly lift up the articles one by one, checking each carefully. And that's when I see it.

A little blue box.

I look to Johanna and she raises her eyebrows, grabbing the box from my hands. I roll my eyes and she rips it open before gasping. "Oh, Gemma, you need to see this…" I snort at her amazement, and that's when she shoves the contents of the box in my face.

And much to my surprise,

It's a ring.


	29. Chapter 29: Life the beginning of death

_Hey guys! Thank you all so much, I just reached 102 Reviews :') I absolutely love reading them, most of them make me laugh! Either way, they all make my day! _

_I had to get this chapter up, even though I have much more to do on this Sunday. I have so much homework piled up and I have spent the last two days doing nothing, so I have to spend today doing that :( I would much rather be writing for you guys, though._

_Anyways, I hope you like the chapter. As you said, Elli, it's about time Finnick got up the guts to even buy a ring, hm? Well, he couldn't really before because of the Pres and such._

_Oh, and another thing. You commented (Elli) saying there's no way I could let Finn die now after this, but that's exactly what happened to Annie, wasn't it? They got married and he died soon after… Pfft, I'm not foreshadowing at all._

_I'm kidding! I don't know yet. Disregard all that has been said._

_Anyways, I hope you all like the chapter! Let's see if I can get… 106+ reviews? It's only four more, lovelies :)_

_xXxXx_

_**One way or the other. By the end of the day, they'll either be dead or with us. It's…more than we could hope for!**_

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><p>I stare at Johanna, unable to move or speak. A ring? Is he… is he going to propose to me? I mean, I love Finn more than anything in this world, besides Trixie, but… I never thought about us getting married in forever. That's one thing they never took away from me, his stories he used to whisper into my ears about all kinds of things. I remember how he used to say we would have a million little babies running around us on the beach after we were married surrounded by all of our victor friends… I guess that's out, now, though.<p>

Johanna grabs the box from me, "Damn it. Gemma, you saw nothing. Oh no, Finnick's going to kill me…" She jumps up and starts pacing around the room.

"Johanna… is that what I think it is?" I mumble, still staring at the box now covered by her hands. I don't know how to react to this; I'm so happy, but I just feel like something bad is going to happen like always.

"No," She snaps, "You were obviously not meant to see that. Damn it!" She throws the box down on the bed, and covers her face in her hands. "Oh, Gemma, I'm sorry…"

I get up and crawl to the bed, gently taking the box in my hands. I lift the lid off, revealing the beautiful ring inside. I study it, not daring to touch it, and that's when it hits me.

I've seen this ring before, somewhere. In district one. My old home.

Flashbacks flood me; working in my parents shop, getting shunned when I was pregnant, seeing my mother's head in the box, leaving Carter, returning years later to find out about his marriage, seeing my father again, everything.

Then it hits me. Half of the people in District one could be dead. Gloss is dead. Cashmere could be dead. Esmeralda and Mitchell… their little babies… could be dead. Carter could very well be dead. Everyone could be dead.

I drop the ring and sink to the floor, overwhelmed by sudden grief. I need to know who survived; and if they did survive, why aren't they here.

I let the tears drip down my cheeks slowly, and I look up to Johanna. She's confused as to why I'm crying, I assume, but she doesn't say anything.

Completely forgetting about the ring, I get up and walk right out of the room without saying another word to her; she doesn't stop me. I need to find Haymitch, he'll know.

I start walking around the halls, and pretty soon I'm lost. I start to panic, and I start running and running. I don't find one person that can help me until I'm about to give up.

I've never seen the girl, but she obviously knows who I am. Her eyes widen in fear, "C-can I help you?" She asks me in a quiet voice; she looks around sixteen.

I look at her lazily, "Haymitch, the mentor from district twelve, you seen him? Or the girl on fire?" I figure Katniss knows where he is.

She nods and points down the hall; it turns out his room is just at the end. I thank her and continue on, hearing her give a sigh of relief. Seriously, what did she think I was going to do to her? Kill her? Go completely psycho on her? They'd have me locked up back in that hospital faster than I could even apologize.

Once I reach Haymitch door I bang on it, "Open up!" I screech. I need to know who's dead and who's alive.

A few minutes later I hear the lock click and the door flies open, "Oh, hey you." He mumbles, pointing his liquor bottle at me. I scrunch up my nose at the stench; It's so strong. I wonder how he even got liquor in here.

"Haymitch, I have a question. Can you please sober up for a few minutes, this is serious. I'm really scared." I say, looking down at my bandaged hands. He must know I'm being serious, because he puts on a fatherly voice as he brings me into his room.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He asks me, sitting me down on the bed. I look up into his eyes, mine brimming with tears.

"Who's dead, Hay?" I whisper. He's completely confused.

"Dead? What do you mean?"

"In… In district one…" I trail off. He sighs, and I know he's debating lying to me. "Tell me the truth, please."

"There… aren't many survivors…" He says, looking to the ground. "After they turned to our side, the Capitol bombed them…"

I let out a squeaky noise of pain, "Who?"

He runs a hand through his hair, "Gemma…"

"Who Haymitch? Damn it! Carter?"

"He… he didn't make it, Gem…" He mumbles.

I feel my heart break right then and there. I haven't talked to him in so long, and the last time I did I was storming away from him. I clutch at my heart, feeling like a tiny bit of it has been torn out. Even though we were fighting the past years, I never ever wanted him dead… I spent my childhood with him, he was my Carter, my best friend. Tears over flow my cheeks, but I keep my voice steady, "Haymitch, please… Esmeralda… did she…." I can't say it. I can't think about it.

As an answer, Haymitch takes me in his arms, cradling me to him. I'm stunned for a second, but then I start sobbing. They take over my body, and I tremble against his chest, "W-why…" I wail. "Mitchell?" I hear him sniffle, thinking about his long time friends, and he slowly shakes his head. I pull away from him, looking at him frantic with my red blotchy eyes. "What about their kids? Cashmere?"

"Oh, Gemma, I'm so sorry…" Is all he says. I can't be with him right now, I need Finnick. He's the only one that can make me feel better. I take off running as I continue sobbing, clutching at my stomach with my shaking hands. I hear him call after me, but I need to find Finnick. I need to hear him say it will be alright, I need to hear him tell me stories to make it better.

I run in not certain direction, just running and crying. I eventually make it back to Finnick's room, and thinking he's in there I burst in the door. That's when I realize he isn't in there though, he's in district two. Luckily I find Johanna, and she can help.

I sink to the ground, curling into a ball, and Johanna comes out of the bathroom. "Gemma? Oh my god Gemma! What happened?" She asked, reaching my side. Despite her being younger than me physically, she is so much stronger and stable. I really don't understand how she can do it; I'm such a blubbering crazy mess, and she's a rock. I just don't get it.

"They're… They're all dead!" I wail into her. I feel her body freeze.

"Who Gemma?" She whispers.

"E-everyone from District O-one!" I sob into her chest, and she cradles me to her just like Haymitch did.

"Sh, Gem, it's okay, it's okay. They are in a better place now, remember? With Ky?" That's right, Ky. They are up there with Ky. His family is probably with them, too. He will get reunited with Esmeralda and Mitchell, he'll get to meet their kids. This comforts me, knowing they are all up there together. I feel like I'm cheating on all of them, by living, but I know I can't try to end my life again. If Finnick comes back, knowing I've been trying but failing he'll blame himself. So will Trixie. I can't do that to him.

"That's r-right, I g-guess…" I say, calming down some. I reach up behind Johanna to the bed, grabbing the box. I open it, admiring the jewel on it; it's a tiny blue sapphire. I know if it was Carter it would have been a red ruby. I'm glad that they are opposites, I can't bare to look at rubies anymore, it's to hard. I toy with the ring in my fingers, and it makes me feel better.

"I don't think you should touch that…" Johanna comments about the ring. I ignore her, take it from the box and slip it down over my finger.

I gasp at how beautiful it is; it looks just right. I wonder how long he's had this, and how he's kept it from me for so long. As I slowly calm down with the help of the ring, I remove myself from Johanna's arms. I stand against the wall for a long time, just staring at the ring and thinking about my old mentor, my mother, Esmeralda.

Eventually I take it off and put it back in the box just as it was, before I leave the room.

…

It's been two weeks and I'm starting to worry.

I haven't done anything the past three days but stay curled up in my ball in my hospital bed; I can't do anything. I can't move, I can't eat, I can't drink. I just stay here, falling asleep randomly. Boggs doesn't bug me to train, he knows about me asking Haymitch about district one; everyone does. So many people have come to tell me how sorry they are, but I feel or hear nothing. I just see their figures by my bed, not even their faces. I block them out. I only want to see Finnick's or Trixie's face.

Trixie comes every day, and she just sits by my bed, holding my hand. She busy at the hospital, following Prim around. They have become very good friends, or so she's told me. Whenever she talks about their friendship, my mind drifts to Adalee and how she's probably dead, which just makes my heart hurt even more.

Why does life have to be so full of death?

Why does everyone have to die? In such cruel ways…

I hear hustle and bustle coming from outside my room, but I ignore it, staying in my ball. Suddenly Trixie's bursting in my room, "They're back! They're back Mommy!" She's screaming.

I seem to come back to life in an instant, and I slide off of my bed. I follow behind my daughter, holding her hand. She leads me through the swarms of people, and even though I start to shake from being in such close proximity of them, we make it to the E.R. "Why are we in here?" I ask her.

"Mommy… Daddy was… shot, along side of Katniss. He's find though, he was wearing a bullet proof vest. The impact broke a few of his ribs, and he's bruised badly, but he's fine." I start to panic at this, my Finnick was shot. Not the evil one, but mine. I rush her along, needing to see him.

I hear him before I see him, "Gemma! Where's Gemma!" He's screaming. I laugh to myself, knowing he's more concerned about myself than him. I bend down to Trix's level and kiss her cheek.

"I'll be back, okay baby? I just need to go talk to daddy. You go find Prim and help out some soldiers, okay?" She nods and runs in the opposite direction, calling out for Prim. I take off in search of Finnick, and then I see him.

He's fighting three or four nurses, trying to get them not to put the restrains on him. He's in a torn and burnt suit. "Finnick!" I call out to him. His eyes meet mine, and I grin, running forward.

"Gemma!" He says, still trying to reach me.

I get to the side of his bed and stroke his face, "Stop fighting, I'm here now." He leans up and kisses me, giving into the nurses long enough to put the restraints around his waist and ankles. "Oh Finn, I missed you so much…" I whisper into his ear, nuzzling my face in his neck.

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you…" He whispers back.

"No, I'm sorry for freaking out like that. I know nothing happened with Katniss, I shouldn't have accused you. I'm so sorry Finn…" He smiles.

"That was rather foolish, you have to admit, love. You're my one and only."

I laugh, "I know." After the nurses cleared away, I climb up onto the bed with him. He takes me in his arms, and I curl up against him. "Hey Finn?" I whisper after a while, not knowing if he's asleep or not.

"Yeah, baby?" He asks me, tightening his hold.

"I…" I'm not going to tell him I found the ring. I'll tell him after he proposes. "I found out about district one while you were gone…"

He strokes my hair, "Oh, love, I'm so sorry."

"I just wish you could have been here. I haven't moved the past three days, I was so worried about you…"

"I promised I'd come back to you while you were asleep the day before I left, and I always keep my promises. I'm never going to leave you." He says.

I feel sleep washing over me, "Never?"

"Never." And that's the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.

* * *

><p><em>Aw, cutesy Gemmick (or Fimma?) moment. Hehe. Tell me what you think!<em>


	30. Chapter 30: Finally

_GUYS! I think this is one of my favorite chapters :')_

_Go read it, I'll write my note at the end…_

* * *

><p>"Trixie, come on, come with us! This is the first day in forever that I've had off from training, and you know how badly you wanted to see the beach room!" I complain to Trixie. The three of us, Trixie, Finnick and myself, are eating lunch in the cafeteria and we are insisting she come with us this afternoon. It's been the first day in so long I've had off, and it's been so long since we've gone to the beach room, so we are going there this afternoon. She says she can't come, though, because she has to work with Prim. "Please?"<p>

"Yeah, Trixie, it will be fun." Finnick adds.

"Mommy, Daddy, you know I have work to do. I can't." She says. Since when does my nine year old little girl have to work?

"You're nine! Your only job should be having fun!" I say.

She stands up, picking up her tray. "No, I have to work." She leans forward and kisses both of us on the cheeks before going to drop off her tray.

"Oh, Finnick…" I mumble under my breath once she leaves the bland room. He jumps up, grabbing my hand.

"Well, come on the gorgeous. Let's go get your bikini." I laugh but follow him along as he leads me back to the hospital; it's been almost two weeks since he got back from district two and he's completely healed now. I haven't brought up the ring yet, either.

We make it to my room and he searches through my drawers to find my one grey bikini. I slip out of the hospital gown, then remove my underclothes before walking over to him, completely naked. He looks me up and down for one second before handing me my bikini; he hasn't seen me completely naked in so long, I must look different to him, with all of these new scars. I shove on the bikini with his help, and I stand in the mirror, tracing the smiley face scar I still have on me from all of those years ago.

He wraps his arms around my waist from behind, "Baby, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…" He mumbles into my neck. I look away from the mirror, unable to look at myself for any longer. I grab my knot off of the table beside me and begin tying knots again, being able to now because my hands are healed.

He sighs, bringing the hospital gown over my head again. I suddenly feel the urge to cry, so I let the tears slip down my face silently and continue on as if they aren't. Without any shoes I start to walk out the door, but he stops me. "Gemma? Why are you crying?" He wipes my tears with his thumbs, and I just need to let it out. I haven't cried since that night with Haymitch almost a month ago; I'm surprised I haven't broke down since then.

In an answer to his question I just cling onto his chest, sobbing my eyes out. He doesn't say anything, he just holds me, and I'm thankful for that. Despite how much I love his silky smooth voice, I just need the comfort of his body right now.

With me still crying into his chest we make out way to the beach room. He sits me down in the sand right next to the shore, and the water laps at my feet. I eventually stop crying, and that's when he begins to talk. "So, tell me now, what happened?"

"Nothing happened, Finn. It's just, my life is ruined because of stupid President Snow and I just want him to suffer as much as me and you and the rest of our friends did. Not to mention the fact that they're all dead. Carter's dead, Finn. The last time I spoke to him I was walking away from him, telling him I never wanted to see him again. Now I never will. Do you know how bad, how guilty I feel? And Esmeralda, I never got to thank her for getting me out of the arena, for being my mother… And those two poor children, they were so young! They were just born, and now they're dead! And Cash and Glossy, they're both dead too; everyone's dead and I feel like it's my fault! This guilt is suffocating and I feel like I should be the one dead, not them! I've caused so much death and harm and pain to the people around me, I should just die to save everyone else!" I feel a bit better getting that off of my chest. He doesn't say anything; he just looks out to the water, fingering a shell. "Well? Say something, please… I just need to hear your voice…"

"How could you say that, Gem?" He whispers.

"What?"

"You said, 'I've caused so much death and harm and pain to the people around me,' you didn't, at all! You're the only reason I'm still alive right now, more than likely the only reason Trixie is alive, does that count for nothing?" I take a deep breath, hearing his words over and over in my head, t_he only reason I'm still alive right now._

He crawls over so he's sitting in front of me, bottom in the water. "I couldn't survive without you, Gemma…" He says, "You're my everything. We're a package deal; whatever you do, I do. That's why I tried to end my life when you were in the Capitol…"

"Finn-" I try to stop him, but he cuts me off, continuing.

"I want to spend every single second of the rest of my life with you, in fact I plan on doing so even if you are against it…" He reaches into his front pocket, and I begin to cry again knowing what he's about to do. My hands fly to my mouth in surprise as he shifts his position so he's kneeling in front of me. That's when I see what's in his hand, and it's the little blue box. "And that's why I want to finally make it official, to prove to everyone that you're mine and always will be, no matter what happens to either of us…" He slowly opens the box, and I see the ring once again.

I make a choking sobbing noise, not believing he's actually doing this. "So, Ms Gemma Stone, would you marry me?"

The first thing I do is break down sobbing of pure happiness. That lasts for a few seconds. After that I reach for the box, snatching it from his hand and flinging it onto the short. He's completely surprised about this, and pain spreads over his face. Next thing I know I'm tackling him down in the water, kissing him hot and hard, still crying.

After our make out session is done, I pull away from him. He's grinning from ear to ear, and he leans up on his elbows, "Is that a yes, Mrs Odair?"

That sets me off again, knowing that I will actually be changing my name. I recall all of the time I've spent pinning my first name onto his last, _Gemma Odair… Gemma Stone-Odair… Mrs Finnick Odair._

Between my crying of joy I manage to nod furiously, producing a squeaky "Yes!"

He burst out laughing, and rolls us over so he's on top of me, kissing me again. My arms snake around his arms, and we start removing our clothing.

For the first time since before the third quarter quell, we make love, right then and there in the shallows of the water.

…

I hold onto Johanna, both of us jumping up and down, screaming our heads off in excitement. "He finally proposed!" I squeal.

Finnick laughs from the side of my hospital room, "Finally? What do you mean?" Me and Johanna stop jumping, looking to the floor guilty. "Girls, what did you do?" Finnick asks us like he is a father catching his two daughters in the middle of an act.

"Well… When you were in district two…" I begin.

"We were moving my things into your room…" Johanna continues.

"And we kind of saw the ring…" I mumble. I expect him to be mad, knowing I ruined the surprise, but he just bursts out laughing. Me and Johanna look up at the same time, shocked. He walks over to us, hugging us both very tightly, a little to tight. "F-finnick! I can't brea-the!" I manage to say, gasping for air as I'm squat into Johanna. He just continues to laugh for a little while before releasing us.

"I know you two saw it, I noticed as soon as I got back! The box was messed up a bit; I was surprised you didn't say something earlier, Gem!" He says, tapping my nose. The three of us burst out laughing again, and I admire the ring on my finger. It's so beautiful, just like the ocean.

"Thank you, Finn." I whisper, not knowing if he can hear me or not. Ignoring Johanna he just brings me into his arms again, hugging me close to him. Johanna is the only one that knows yet, Trixie would have been, but she's still working with Prim and we can't disrupt her. I pull away from him, smirk plastered on my lips. I cock an eyebrow, "Time to go tell Haystack?"

He grabs my hand, dragging me out of the room, leaving Johanna behind. "See you, love birds!" I hear her call after us.

…

"Haystack!" I say, greeting him after he lets us into his room. He grumbles something in response, sitting down on his couch and taking another chug of his disgusting smelling liquor. I stand in front of him, making a pose so my hands are clearly visible, "Notice anything different?"

He points at my hospital gown, "You're back in your gown."

I roll my eyes. "No Haymitch! Look!" I shove my hand in his face, and he takes it in his.

He gasps, and that's when I know he sees it. I grin widely, unable to contain my excitement. The first thing he says is, "Finally, Odair."

I hear Finnick smirk, "Hey!"

"How much is this? It must weigh a ton…" He says, lifting my hand up and down. No one answers him.

"Isn't it beautiful, Hay?" I whisper.

He finally looks up at me, and I think I even see tears forming in his eyes, "It's gorgeous, Gem."

I look at him like he's crazy, "Haymitch! Are you… crying?" I can feel Finnick hovering over my shoulder, looking at Haymitch.

Haymitch just takes another swig of the bottle, tears disappearing, "No. Of course not. It's just, you two are like my own kids, besides from Katniss and Peeta."

I sit down beside him, resting my head on his shoulder, "Awe! Haystack! Don't worry, we'll still treat you the same. We aren't going to be any different; we're just finally going to be married."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He grumbles. We continue talking for a while, thinking of wedding plans. We definitely want it to be in the beach room, by the water; that's the only thing we are positive about, yet. That, and we want Peeta to make our cake.

…

The news spread about our engagement quickly. People I didn't even know were congratulating me. Peeta was happy for us, but I could see the pain in his eyes, knowing that I was getting better, falling back in love, whereas he is just the same, still hating Katniss. I understand him completely, because I would be the same way. He agreed to do our cake excitedly, telling us it would be beautiful. The doctor's said it will help him, too.

Trixie was confused at first, because she thought we were already married. I sat her down and explained to her everything that happened to me, though, and when she finally understood she had mixed emotions of sorrow, anger, and utter happiness. She cried for a bit at some of the sad parts of my story, and I held her, just as Finn did me. I left out everything about my prostitution, though, for her sake. She is going to be our flower girl; Johanna is going to be my maid of honor, Annie and (hopefully) Katniss will be my bridesmaids.

I haven't seen Annie at all since I've been here, but Finnick told me that apparently she's doing well. She met another citizen, and they are going steady. He helps her a lot, and they live together, even. She was so happy when she found out.

Pretty well every other person living in the underground world of District 13 knows, too, including Coin. Surprisingly she was happy for us, willing to give us whatever we need as long as we do the planning off training time.

But then… there's Haymitch's rebel leader friend, Plutarch. He asked us a question that I have to think long and hard about. He wants to broadcast our wedding all over Panem, and using this thing Beetee invented there will be no way for an interruption from the Capitol. President Snow will definitely be watching, there's no way he'll miss it. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is that during the reception of our wedding, before the dance, before the drinking, Plutarch wants me to tell my story, infront of everyone at the wedding and everyone in Panem.

I'm not sure if I can, or will, be able to relive the horrors I've been through. It's buried to deep in my heart to dig out. It will reopen too many wounds, that I'm not sure I can close again.

* * *

><p><em>Okay, so what did you think of that? I thought it was very sweet :3 <em>

_Djhgsiugdouhgdsoh I loved Finn's proposal, but that's just me._

_Tell me your opinions… was it horrible? Good? Stupid? Wonderful? Pathetic? _

_Do you want to see more?_

_Reviews keep my motivation up… they mean so much to me. Thank you to everyone that reviewed to this point._

xXxXx

_**"Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine…but I don't know what your favorite color is?"**_


	31. Chapter 31: Those horrific memories

_OH MY GOD GUYS! The wedding is the next chapter! :') I have a feeling it's going to be really long, hope you all don't mind. I'm really excited to write it._

_Tell me what you think of this chapter! _

_THANKS TO EVERYONE SO SO MUCH THAT REVIEWED! _

xXxXx

**_"I don't care if she blew up the blasted Justice Building! Look at her cheek! Think this will be camera ready in a week?"_**

* * *

><p>"But Plutarch, it's her wedding! She needs a dress!" Finnick argues with Plutarch. Plutarch said that President Coin wouldn't let me wear a dress to my own wedding, and that I had to wear my grey clothes. I said I didn't care, but secretly I did. Who doesn't want the big flowing white gown while they're walking down the aisle? I know I'd certainly rather that than my average grey outfit. Finnick wasn't happy at all; he started arguing first thing. That was a few days ago, now the two of them are going at it again.<p>

I wrap my arms around Finnick's waist, grinning up at him. "Finn, calm down." Just to tease him I add, "Maybe I won't wear any dress. Maybe I'll just walk down the aisle completely naked; I have to show everyone my scars anyways." I hear a low growl from his throat as he glares at Plutarch. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

I agreed to tell my story after a long talk (on the beach!) with Finn. He's going to be up there with me, talking for me when it gets too hard and I just break down crying, because I know that will happen. I want to show everyone my scars, too, so I'm going to wear my bikini under my dress, so I can just peel it off easily.

"No. You're getting your dress, love." He says, calmer now. "I know! She can borrow one of Katniss's!"

My jaw drops; I couldn't possibly borrow one of her dresses. "Finnick, I couldn't…" I trail off.

"Yes you could. I'll talk to her, she couldn't turn you down. I'll be back." Then before me or Plutarch can stop him he's running out the door. I shake my head and laugh at his mood change; two seconds ago he was so angry, and now he's excited. I don't get it.

"Come along, Gemma. Let's go talk to Peeta for a few minutes." With the wedding only a week away, Peeta needs to start the cake. I don't want to see it until the wedding, but he wants an idea. I nod and I follow him out of the room.

Trixie really wanted to come with me to see Peeta today, but she's working non-stop with Prim. I've barely seen her at all; she doesn't even eat lunch with us anymore. And then as soon as she gets home she falls asleep. She reassured me that it will calm down once the war is over and done with, so then we will be together again.

I follow Plutarch around the winding halls until I reach a door close to the Cafeteria. "What's in here?" I ask.

He laughs a bit, "Peeta's little studio." I push the door open gently, and I'm in a little hall with another door at the end. The first thing I see are restraints on the wall, easily can be taken down if needed. It freaks me out, and I jump. "It's okay." He assures me.

"Peeta?" I call out, nervous.

I hear something banging around behind another door and then I hear him, "Gemma? Is that you?"

I push open the door, grinning wide. "Hey Peeta!" I notice he's full of icing, so I hug him even though he can't hug me back. I feel him tense when my arms wrap around him, but he relaxes after a bit. I pull away from him, looking him up and down as I laugh, "What are you doing?"

He smiles, proud. "I'm making cupcakes for your visit."

"Oh! I haven't had one of your cupcakes in forever!" It's true, I haven't. I miss them, a lot.

"They're almost done. Both of you sit while I go finish." I sit down on the counter and Plutarch sits on a stool besides me.

"Do you really have to sit on the counter?" Plutarch complains. He is such a father, it's annoying.

I roll my eyes, "As a matter of fact I do. Now shut up, Peeta's got our cupcakes." Peeta comes back to us, holding a plate that has three cupcakes on there. I look at them, gasping when I see how beautiful they are. They are mockingjays, but they are beautiful. "Oh, Peeta, they're amazing…"

"Let's hope they taste better than they look, hm? Go on, take one." I smile, taking one from the plate. I look at it a little more closely, and the detail is amazing. I bite into it, and I melt.

"Just like I remember…" I say, crumbs falling from my mouth. Peeta laughs and Plutarch takes his. "So, Peeta, you're making really good progress!" I say happily.

The corner of his mouth twitches before growing into a smile, "Thank you. Baking helps. And there's another thing that's helping me, too… A surprise I'm working on, with Haymitch, for your wedding. You're going to love it."

"Peeta, please. You don't have to get me anything else; a cake is a wonderful gift." I say, biting and sighing into the cupcake.

"No, you don't understand. It's something that everyone will get affected by… that's all I'll say, though. I can't wait for you to see it. But, I have to tell you something, Gem. When you're telling your story… I- I don't think I'll be able to listen to it." He mumbles. I see his gaze flicker to the door, as if he's waiting for someone to barge in.

"Peeta, did they make you say that?" I say softly.

"No. Well, yes. But it's true. I'm not ready. Promise me you'll save me a dance though?" He grins now, and I nod. "Back to business. What about your cake?"

"I want something to remind me of home; of district four. With the ocean and the fish and the rope. Make sure you have some knots on there. That's important to me." He nods, quickly jotting it down onto a pad of paper. "That's pretty much it, really."

I finish my cupcake, "You can have mine if you'd like. And don't worry, there'll be knots." Peeta says.

I reach for the cupcake when Plutarch speaks up, "Oh! Gemma we have to go!"

"What! Why? I don't want to!" I say.

"No, we have to. Beetee wants you to record a propo with… Katniss, telling President Snow that you're getting married. Don't worry, Finnick will be with you too." At Katniss's name I can feel Peeta's breathing go rugged. I turn to him, to try to calm him down.

"It's okay, Peeta. She won't hurt you. Or me." He just nods, and I can hear him trying to convince himself under his breath. "Okay, I have to go, but I'll come back soon, okay? Thank you for the cupcakes, they were absolutely delicious."

Plutarch rushes me out of the room and I hear Peeta calling after me. It's a long walk to the room we are filming in, but we finally get there. As soon as I step in the door Finnick is at my side, "Good news, love. Katniss is going to lend you one of her dresses."

I lean up and kiss him, knowing he's so happy about this tiny gesture. "That's wonderful, Finn." My hands reach into my pocket, hauling out my rope, and I begin to tie my knots. I can hear Finnick talking to someone, but I ignore them so I can zone into my own little world of knots. A while later I can hear Finnick's voice drifting through my head.

"Gemma? Gemma, love, come on. Come out to me, we got to film now; it will be quick, I promise. Come out." I slowly come out of my head and back to reality; trying to focus my previously glazed over eyes on Finnick. "Good girl." Finnick coos, hugging me.

I hug him back, and pretty soon the camera crew are busying themselves with us. They arrange the three of us, me in the middle with both of them on the sides of me; Katniss is in her mockingjay suit, of course, and me and Finnick are in our plain clothes. Finn's got his arm slung around my waist, holding me to him, and I lean on his chest. Once they dub us all romantic and good to go, they start recording.

"President Snow?" I begin, having no idea what to do or say. I go with what's on the top of my head, and I lean up, enveloping Finnick in a deep kiss before turning back to the camera, "I just thought I should tell you that very soon me and my darling Finnick are getting married. We finally can, now that we aren't owned by you. It's about time, really. It has been years. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know, Snow, that you may want to tune into my wedding; which is going to be showed all over Panem. Why? Because there is going to be something happen that you won't want to miss, I promise. And remember, my dear President Snow, me and you have a very honest relationship… I wouldn't lie to you now, would I? We've been through way too much." To end up my little speech I wink at the cameras, so President Snow knows exactly what I mean. The funny thing is, he will, and no one else will.

After that I storm off of the set, having to clear my head of thoughts. I hear the camera crew and Plutarch talking about if that's good or not behind me, and they finally settle on it being fine just as I leave the room.

I run through the halls, trying to get somewhere, anywhere other than there. I don't want to have anything to do with Snow, I just want him dead and gone. But even then he'll still haunt me. There's no escaping him, ever. He'll always be with me, in more ways than one, along with all of those men.

I make it to my hospital room, curling into a ball on my bed. I'm numb, thinking about all of those horrible memories from my nights spent in the capitol. I don't know how it came over me, but it did. I feel sick, thinking about those men.

I lean over the side of my bed, wrenching up my stomach. I never thought memories could make you physically sick, but my mind is changing them into much more horrific situations. Once I'm finally done, clutching at my stomach and trembling, I take in the mess under me. It's completely covering the floor on this side; luckily Johanna's old bed is on the other side. "N-nurse!" I try to call out weakly. It doesn't work, so I just stay curled up, watching my mind replay my memories.

I see them all, each man I've slept with. All of their faces, but then each one morphs into some kind of monster. Suddenly the room around me changes, and I'm back in the vice President's mansion. I jump up and run to the door, screaming for someone to help me. They all pile into the room, looking at me with such lust and rage. I back up against the wall as they keep coming in, there's so many. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to say I've had sex with all of them.

Suddenly they are pushing me down, and I curl into a ball on the floor. I feel them pulling at my hair, ripping off my clothes, touching my skin. I squeeze my eyes shut and just scream and scream and scream until eventually one by one they disappear completely and the room fades into blackness.

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><p><em>I know what you're thinking... <em>Megan, what the hell just happened there?

_Don't worry, it will be explained the next chapter! (I just thought that I may split it into two chapter instead of one!)_


	32. Authors Note!

Hey Guys!

This is just a quick authors note... I'm so sorry if I don't update very soon, but my laptop died on my last night :(

So until I get a new one, I can't write / I lost all of my other chapters / most of the one I was working on!

That's right... I was almost done the wedding chapter and it was REALLY long.

Now it's gone and I have to write it again. *sniff sniff*

I will try to update as soon as I possibly can, but I need my laptop in order to write (unless someone can tell me an app I can download for my ipod?)

Thanks, Lovelies. You all mean so much to me!

xoxo - meganlucindaxo


	33. Chapter 32: White Wedding Part 1!

_Surprise! _

_Good news, lovelies. I have a way to use my computer without actually using it! Yay!_

_So, I reread over the wedding chapter, and I decided to split it into two parts.. so here's the first part! The next part will be the reception + surprise + her speech!_

_If I get… say… 5 reviews? On this chapter, you'll get part two tonight! If not, it will be tomorrow or the next day. :)_

_I hope you like it!_

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

"_**My lips are just forming his name when his fingers lock around my throat."**_

* * *

><p>"Who the hell did that to her? I'm going to kill them." I hear Finnick's angry voice. I want to see him. Why can't I open my eyes?<p>

"Finnick, there's no need to be angry over this. She did that to herself, she can't help it." Johanna. What's she doing here?

"Did you look at her? Did you see her room afterwards? I want to know what happened to her, and I want to know now." Wow, Finnick really needs to calm down. What did I do that was so bad?

Slowly one of my eyes squint open, only enough for me to see and so they won't notice I'm awake. I see Finnick pacing the room as Johanna is cleaning something up off the floor on the side of my bed. Deciding enough is enough, I slide my eyes open. "F-Finn?" I croak out. My voice is sore and hoarse and I can barely talk.

Finnick notices I'm awake and he's at my side in an instant. "Sh, don't talk." His voice is a lot calmer and comforting, but I ignore him and start to talk again.

I clear my throat, which makes me wince. I can taste the blood. "W-what did I d-do?" I try again.

"Don't talk, love. It's not good for your throat, okay?" I nod, expecting him to go on. He doesn't though, he just looks at my face with a sad expression. I scrunch up my eyebrows, confused. "After you did your propo… you had a hallucination, or so they said. When your throat feels better, will you be able to tell me what happen?"

It comes flooding back to me, what had happened. It was too much, filming that was too much. It brought back to much. If only mentioning President Snow did that to me, how will I even be able to go to the Capitol in the war? I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering what I did. "Don't think about it. I'll put you back to sleep and when you wake up you can tell me about it, okay?" He tells me before pushing a button. The world goes black again.

When I wake up again, I feel a lot better. It isn't a strain to open my eyes, and my throat feels good as new. I sit up in my bed to find that it's clean, and that I'm alone. I reach over to my bed side table to open the drawer; in there I keep all my wedding plans.

I flick through the stacks of paper, most of them are lists. Lists of everything we need to find and get within the next week. The wedding is next Saturday, today is Friday. So we have 8 days until the big event. I hear footsteps enter my room, and I see Finnick standing there with a doctor, looking at me. "Hey Finn, I'm just looking at our plans…" I mumble, looking back to the sheets. He walks over and sits on my bed, taking the paper from my hands and putting them back on the table. "Hey, I wasn't done with those!" I say.

"Gem, this is important. You can look at them after… you need to tell us what happened yesterday." I must have been out for a day, then.

I sigh, looking at him with lazy eyes. I try to come up with some excuse, because I don't want to talk about it, "I don't remember."

"Yes you do. You just don't want to talk about it. Don't think I don't know you, love. I know you better than you know yourself. Now you need to tell us what happened, because that wasn't supposed to happen."

I roll my eyes, "Obviously that wasn't supposed to happen, Finn. That doesn't happen to normal people. If you haven't noticed, though, I'm crazy. That should be explanation enough."

"No. We need to find out the reason, because if we can't they aren't letting you come." My playful smile fades because I know he's serious. They aren't going to let me go to the Capitol, no way. The other soldiers would just have to baby sit me; I'd be no help at all.

"I don't know what happened, Finn, seriously. After I finished something came over me and I just became to overwhelmed with my past… I remember thinking about President Snow and those men, and how they'd always haunt me. And then I was sick, remember what I used to have to do. And then the next thing I knew the room was transforming into the-" I shutter, and Finnick wraps his arm around me, encouraging me to go on, "into the vice president's mansion… and all the men, they were… they were coming in the door… and they were attacking me…" I trail off, not giving them details.

"That's okay, baby. You did enough, that's good." I see the doctor scribbling everything I've been saying down onto his paper. I remember them pulling at my hair, and my hand flies to my head; I feel some bald spots.

"No… I didn't…" I whisper, staring into Finnick's eyes.

"You did, but it's okay. Your prep team, well Katniss's prep team, can fix it up before the wedding." I let out a sigh of relief before looking across the room to the mirror. I look terrible. My skin is bruised some, clinging at my bones. Finnick leans down and kisses my neck, "You look beautiful, darling…"

"I do not. And you have to leave, Katniss is coming with my dress today. You aren't allowed to see it." Katniss and Annie, being my brides maids, went to District twelve a few days ago to get my dress from her house. I was supposed to get it from her after the propo, but because of what happened that changed, obviously. I heard a nurse talking to someone earlier about Katniss coming to give it to me, today.

He stops kissing my neck, and he looks to me with a fake pout. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you have to." He gets up to leave, kissing me quickly on the mouth. "By the way, Finn?"

"Yeah?" He stops, halfway across the room to turn to look at me.

"Does this mean I'm not going with you to the Capitol now?" I whisper.

"I think so, Gem…" Then he walks out the door.

…

"Gemma… you look beautiful…" Johanna gasps. I've never heard her call me beautiful before; it brings tears to my eyes. I stand, looking in the mirror, Johanna looking over my shoulder at me.

I have to admit, I look rather gorgeous.

I'm wearing a sea blue dress, that's strapless and reaching the floor. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I owe Katniss and Annie for choosing this one. The only thing I don't like… every single one of my scars on my neck and arms are showing. "Are… are you sure, Jo?" I whisper, tracing them. My hair is put up, a few curls falling down here and there, and I have a veil that falls down to my lower back.

She hugs me, "Yes, I'm sure. Odair is going to die when he sees you." I grin, turning around to face Katniss and Annie. Them, along with Johanna and Trixie, are still in their grey uniforms, but it doesn't matter to me. I feel someone's arms wrap around me from behind, and I jump. I flip around to see Trixie beaming up at me.

"She's right, Mommy. Daddy will freak. You look amazing." I laugh, hugging her tighter to me. There's a knock on the door, and Haymitch is suddenly in the room.

"Uh, girls, can we have a minute?" The rest of my bridal party leave the room, giving me and Haymitch some privacy. He's walking me down the aisle, because he's been more of a father to me than anyone else. He looks me up and down, "You look beautiful."

For some reason this makes me cry, so I let the tears run freely down my face as I let out a little sobbing noise, "Oh Haystack!" I walk into his open arms, and he just cradles me to him for a few minutes.

I swear I hear him sniff for a quick second, but when he speaks his voice is gruff like always, "Stop crying, you'll ruin your makeup. Besides, we have to go."

He starts to lead me out of the room after I wipe my eyes, and fear quickly comes over me. I stop in the middle of the hallway, trembling so hard. "H-Haymitch, I… I can't… all of those people… what if they hurt me?" Despite my improvement, I'm still not good around crowds.

He takes my arm in his, holding my hand tightly, "No one is going to hurt you. I'm going to be right there, so will Finnick." I nod, and we begin to walk again. We meet the rest of my girls outside the beach room, and I can hear the audience talking inside. They are quickly shushed, and I hear soft music.

Trixie goes first, slowly walking down the aisle. I peek out the window and find she's grinning from ear to ear. I don't want to see Finnick, yet, though. I know he will be dressed nicely, just like Haymitch.

Annie and Katniss go one after the other, and they are just as happy as Trixie. Johanna turns to me before she goes, "Are you sure you're okay?" I begin shaking again, but I manage a nod. Haymitch gives my hand a squeeze of reassurance.

Johanna leaves then, and I can tell she's smirking at the audience. She struts down the aisle, hands on her hips, and I can't help but laugh at the expression on the crowds face. I know Finnick is laughing.

Then, the next thing I know the door is swung open, revealing me to the crowd. All of the crying faces are on me, and I freeze. I can feel a hallucination coming on, and I tremble again. "Gemma, it's okay, I promised, remember?" Haymitch leans over to me. I take a deep breath and a smile makes its way onto my face as I take a step forward.

I stare at the ground as I take the next few steps, and then I look up and see Finnick.

A grin appears on me, and tears fill my eyes. He's so beautiful and perfect, I can't believe he's all mine. He's wearing the same expression, and I can see the tears in his eyes. "Hi, Finn," I mouth, smiling my head off.

"Hey gorgeous," He mouths back just as I step up beside him. I turn around to face Haymitch.

"Thank you, Haystack." I whisper to him.

He smiles and kisses my cheek. "This is your day. Only yours. Have fun." Then he leaves me to take his seat.

I turn back to Finnick and he opens his arms to me. I walk straight into him, crinkling his pressed suit, not caring if the whole country is watching us, nor if there's a priest waiting in front of us. I need him, I need his comfort. That was a big thing I overcome. I was about ready to turn and run away.

He pulls away, leaning his forehead on mine so he's looking me in the eyes. "You're so beautiful." He whispers. I laugh. "Are you okay?" He whispers again.

I nod, "I- I'm okay. I know no one will hurt me. And you're here." I whisper back. The priest clears his throat behind us, and I laugh, turning around. The crowd laughs with me, and I tense. I feel Finn's hand slide in mine, and he squeezes it.

The next while the priest just talks and talks, I zone out, eyes glazing over. When I feel Finnick poke me is when I come back to reality. That's when we say our vows.

Mine are very gushy and cute, but my voice is shaking so hard I ask Johanna to come read it for me. As she reads it, Finnick takes me in his arms again, reassuring me it's okay. Then he goes onto read his, and I start crying.

"I love you, Finn." I whisper once he's done. I don't know what else to say. He's just so perfect and wonderful and amazing.

He laughs, "After all of that, that's all you have to say?"

I roll my eyes, laughing with him, "Oh whatever."

"I'm kidding, baby. I love you too." The crowd laughs at us being so childish at our own wedding, and then the priest says we can kiss. I know this is airing live, so I give President Snow a good show. I kiss Finnick, hot and passionately, and the crowd 'Aww!'s. After we're done, I glare right into the camera, blowing a kiss. I know the President will know that was meant for him… a 'Ha. What are you going to do about it, bitch.' kind of gesture.

Me and Finn wave to our guests as they leave the beach room. They will have an hour and a half to relax and mingle before dinner. After dinner I will make my speech, and then there will be the dance. Peeta said the surprise is already set up and ready in the room we are having the reception in, and I'm very eager to see what it is.


	34. Chapter 33: White Wedding Part 2!

_Hey my lovelies!_

_I'm so so soooo sorry I didn't update two days ago. You see, when I signed on again that night I only had four reviews :( So I didn't update again. But then when I signed on again the next day (yesterday) I had 7! That's the most reviews I've had on a chapter! That's amazing! Thank you so much, guys!_

_Anyways, in a way I'm glad I didn't update then. I had last night to make it longer and better._

_This is the longest chapter yet! At 3547 words! Woo!_

_Tell me what you think (There's going to be one more part to the wedding, just because I didn't want this one running to 6000 words + having to keep you guys waiting even longer)! _

_I do not own the hunger games!_

_xXxXx_

_**"I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking."** FINNICK. LET ME LOVE YOU. PLEASE._

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><p>Finnick hasn't let go of my hand. I'm not joking.<p>

As soon as everyone cleared out of the beach room, he interlocked our fingers and haven't let go. Not even when I went to the bathroom. He came with me. It was rather hilarious.

Right now we are walking (hand in hand!) to the reception… My bikini is now under my dress, so I'm ready to strip whenever I need to. First up is the dinner- I'm so excited to see my cake, it's unbelievable.

We enter the room, and I gasp. It's beautiful. There are twinkling lights and centerpieces of flowers and decorations that match my dress. "What do you think?" Finnick whispers into my ear. I look up at him and he's grinning from ear to ear. It's obvious to me that he designed the whole layout.

"Finnick! Did you do this?" I ask him.

He nods, bringing me over to the table in the front of the room. We are able to see everyone, and they will be able to see us, too. It's going to be me, Finnick, Trixie, Johanna, and Haymitch at the front table. I guess Haymitch is being counted as Finn's 'best man'.

Soon after that the room fills with people, whom I smile and wave at, and dinner is served. It's more of a serve-yourself, I suppose. There are many trays laid out of all kinds of sea food and bread. I eat till I feel sick, stuffing my face of the food from home.

Once I'm finally full, Me and Finnick are ushered to stand up. Haymitch leaves the room with Katniss, and I know Peeta must be coming soon. Two citizens who I don't know walk to the corner of the room where there are curtains set up, surrounding a table. The pull them back and I gasp.

The cake is beautiful. It's a three layered vanilla cake, but it's decorated like the ocean. There's every type of fish in every color you can imagine all over it, along with sea weed and sea shells. There's soft sand surrounding it, too.

I'm so distracted by the cake that I don't notice it first. But then I see it.

Surrounding my amazing cake are pictures. All kinds of pictures of all of my friends and family that are passed. The room is silent, and I let out a squeaky sound, yanking my hand from Finnick's to cover my mouth. I slowly walk towards the table, tears filling my eyes.

Ky. Carter. Esmeralda. Mitchell. My parents. Chaff and Seeder. All of my allies from my games.

Their pictures are laid around the table.

I'm so shocked, I don't know what to do. Nobody moves a muscle in the room, giving me time to absorb this. I move closer to the picture of Ky; I haven't seen him in so long… He's smiling and laughing in this picture, I don't know how they found it.

I make my way to him, taking the picture in my hands. I look at it, smiling and letting out a sob, "Ky…" I'm so happy that at least their pictures are here if they can't be, I don't know how to explain it.

I ignore the rest of the room, all of the people and cameras on me, and I pick up the picture of Carter in my other hand. "Oh, Carter, I am so sorry…" I whisper to it as he's actually here. Then there's hands taking the pictures from me and I look up to see a smiling Finnick. He places them back on the table. "Look at them, Finnick… they're all so happy…" I whisper to him like a little child.

"That's what they're like all the time up there, Gemma." He says back to me. He nudges my arm, nodding his head in the direction of the door. I look in that direction, and I see Peeta, with chains around his arms and feet, smiling at me.

"I'll be right back," I tell Finnick. He nods and I walk over to Peeta. I hug him tightly, "Thank you, Peeta… This is the best gift I could imagine… and the cake is so wonderful, just thank you so much…" He can't hug me back because of his arms, so he just stands there awkwardly.

"It's okay, really. I'm glad you like it…"

I pull away from him to look him in the eyes, "No. You don't understand how much it means to me… I haven't seen Ky in years…" Peeta suddenly ducks away, and I turn around to see the cameras directly on us. "I'll see you later for my dance, okay?" I whisper to him before turning around and pushing past the cameras to reach Finnick.

…

"H-hi…" I say from my spot on the stage next to Finnick. We decided we will have cake after my speech, so here I am. The only problem is, is that I have absolutely no idea what to say. Finnick wraps his arm around my waist, and I look at him for reassurance for a quick second. "I uh, I don't know what to say…" I mumble. I take a deep breath, "Okay. Well. Thank you all for coming, it- it means so much to me." I bite my lip as the voices begin to whisper. "And I want to ask you if you will be able to bear with me as I tell you my story…. I-I've never told anyone it, before, so now having it broadcasted to all of Panem is going to be hard."

I sink into Finnick, "So, as you seen to my reaction to those pictures, it is definitely not easy for me to talk about this…" I pause, looking up at him.

"But, with my help, she's more than willing to tell her story." Finn picks up, smiling down at me. I hear murmurs from the crowd, and I look to Coin. She's smiling smugly as she gives me a thumbs up. I pull away from Finnick, walking over to the picture of Carter that has been moved to a table beside us. I pick it up, tears springing in my eyes as I turn to the crowd.

"S-see this smiling man? He was my best friend in the world since we were just little children… now he's dead, because of President Snow." I swallow, staring straight into the camera. I clutch the photo to my chest, "Well, I'll start off my story, I suppose. I became pregnant with my beautiful daughter, Trixie, at the fine young age of 16. Being one of the richer, more popular families from district one, this was a huge deal. The only people that didn't treat me any different were Carter and my… my father. Trixie was born on the day of the reaping, so my name wasn't in to be drawn that year. Mr Snow must have known this," I glare into the camera, talking right to President Snow, "because what a coincidence it was, being reaped the very next year, on my daughters first birthday."

I put the picture down, not able to look at it any longer. I walk back over to Finn, hugging him quickly for support. "This brings me to the next point in my life, my hunger games. My district partner was… his name was K-ky Green…" I trail off, taking a deep breath. Finnick murmurs sweet nothings into my ear for a few moments, helping me along. "We… we quickly became friends… but he… he liked me as more than a friend… and I uh-" I wipe my eyes, tears falling having to relive this. The room is deadly silent, and Finnick picks up for me again.

"Ky loved Gemma, and I think what Gemma is trying to say that she loved him, too, she just didn't know in what way. Along with Ky, her allies were Annabelle, Juniper, and Marigold…" He points to each of their pictures, and that's when their deaths come flooding back to me. I completely forgot about them. How could I forget about them?

I bury my face in Finnick's shoulder, and he strokes my hair for a second. That's when I decide I need to suck it up, and be a big girl. I pull away from him, "I… I watched each of their deaths. I killed Marigold as she was getting attacked by a mutt. I wasn't fast enough to protect Annabelle from her district partner that stabbed her. I was passed out from the pain, unable to save Juniper. I remember… we were at the final six," I smile even though my voice is shaking and there's tears running down my face, "and me, Ky, and Juniper got attacked by the tributes from district twelve…" I turn to Finnick, "Help me undo this, would you?" I gesture to my dress.

He unzips the zipper running down the back, and I step out of the dress, standing there in my bikini. I swallow, looking down at my bruised, scarred, and broken body. Every single person in the room either gasps or shrieks and I shrink against the noises. "And she started to carve me up…." I trace over the smiley face scar, "This was the main thing she did, this smiley face. But see all of these?" My finger runs over the swirly scars on my chest and arms, "She did these too. But the rest are all from my abuse over the years." Someone passes me a robe so I don't have to put my dress back on, and I slip myself inside it, nodding to them in thanks. "Anyways, after that the games ended pretty quickly. Because of all these cuts, I was dying… and Ky… he- he protected me. He got killed saving me. I held him in my hands as he died, bleeding to death."

I reach over and take the picture of Ky up again, admiring his beautiful features. I carefully undo the frame, taking out the picture. I hold the picture in my hands, just holding it for a long time, staring at it as I rub my fingers over his face. I can feel him standing next to me, I can feel his presence. Then, in a matter of seconds I fold the picture into a tiny square, big enough to fit in the palm of my hand. "Then I won the games. After that, I was labelled mentally unstable, because I used to leave reality and have major mood swings. I still am on the medication, and I always will be."

I know I have to say what happened to my mother, but I can't form the words. I motion to Finnick, so he speaks up. "After she won, President Snow offered her a position as a courtesan, just like me. The trick is, though, if you don't accept, he kills someone you love until you do. Gemma refused at first, but once she came home from her victory tour…" He looks to me, wondering if it's okay that he goes on, and I nod, staring at the floor. "She received a package. Inside that package was the head of her mother, still warm and bloody. This didn't help with her current mental state, of course." I watch my tears come in contact with the floor, and I wipe them away with my foot. "But she accepted anyways."

I look up, to see the eyes. All of them are filled with fear or sorrow. "You forgot to mention that all of the peacekeepers would hit me, no actually, _beat_ would be the better word. The peacekeepers would beat me whenever they had the chance. But still, I accepted."

Finnick takes me in his arms, "You didn't have a choice, baby." He whispers to me.

"I did. And I made the right one. I would go through all of that over and over again if it meant protecting my loved ones." I turn away from him, back to the crowd who anxiously want to hear more of my story. "Anyways, each year I had to mentor just meant having to go through all of that-" I shiver, thinking about the men again. Finnick rubs my arms.

"Someone cover Trixie's ears, please? She doesn't need to hear this." Finnick says to someone on the side of the stage. I find Trixie in the audience and see her pouting as a woman holds her hands tight against her ears, I smile.

"And each time I- I did it, it got worse… they were more rough, it was more painful, and there was just more and more and more of them… It drove me to insanity." I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "But I knew I had to be strong, for Trixie and for Finnick."

A few 'Aw's are shared, and I continue. "For Trixie, because she needed her mommy, and for Finnick, because he needed his love. After a few years, I couldn't stand to be away from Finnick, so me and Trixie moved to four. I have to admit, it was hard without my mo- I mean Esmeralda there. We became so close… and now…" I swallow back my tears, unable to say that Es is dead.

People nod in understanding and I take a deep breath, "And now she's not with us anymore, neither are Mitchy, their two kids, Glossy, Cash, and the rest of the people you see on that table." I point to the pictures, "And It's the president's fault." I look into the camera, "He deserves to die, in a slow and painful way, after being abused and used like I have been for years." I small, twisted smile appears on my face as I think of President Snow being beaten. It fades just as quickly as I remember the day in his office, getting raped in front of Finn…

I start to cry again, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "Sorry. I- I'll move on. The quarter quell was announced, and I knew I was going into the arena again. I was positive I was going to die in there, so I tried to convince Finn to save himself over me-"

He cuts me off, looking into my eyes, "I would never do that. Not in a million years. I'd save you over myself any day."

"Hush, Finn." I quiet him. "But we got into the arena, and something changed that night. It blew up. The sky turned to flame, and before me and Johanna knew what was happening, we were lifted into the sky. Once we were in the hovercraft, we saw Peeta there…" I notice the look on Katniss's face, and I nod my head towards the door. "Katniss, Johanna, I'm going to speak about our time… there, so if you need to leave…"

Finnick tightens his grip on me, preparing himself for what I'm going to say. I've never told him in detail what they did to us in the Capitol, I don't want him to know, honestly. I see Katniss shift uncomfortably, and then Johanna leaves the room towing Trixie along with her. I'll have to thank her later. "Is Peeta around?" I mumble to Finnick. He shakes his head.

"Well, when we were in the capitol… we were starved, tortured, beat, I was raped to many times to count-" I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. "Strapped to the table, in my cell, in front of Johanna and Peeta. Everywhere." I open them again, seeing faces of disgust. "But they were always there to comfort me… to help me, to hold me as I cried. We weren't allowed to cry though, or we'd just end up being hit again."

I walk away from Finnick, stumbling around the stage. "That wasn't by far the worst though. We each had our own designated kind of torture. Johanna was soaked and electrocuted, from 10 Am – 1 pm…" Her screams ring through my head, and I press my hands to my ears to try to stop it. I feel Finnick's hands on mine, trying to coax me out of my little ball state. Trembling I remove my hands, "I- I was from 1pm – 4pm, and Peeta was from 4pm – 7pm." Another round of Peeta's screams happen, and I take a deep breath, trying not to scream. "P-Peeta was h-hijacked, as you all k-know… And I was a mixture of everything…"

I rest my forehead against Finnick's chest, squeezing my eyes shut. While they're closed I let it out, "I was burned, electrocuted, hijacked, beat, raped, every horror you can imagine. I can remember their favorite weapon was the baseball bat with the barbed wire on the end of it. It hooked your skin and tore it open when they pulled back." My hand reaches my arm, and I run it over a scar I know is from that weapon, It's jagged. "Another thing they used to do, that was worse than any kind of physical abuse, was that they used to play everyone's screams over and over… we could never sleep, because they would just blast it through our cell." I take a shaky breath. "By the time they rescued us I wouldn't talk to anyone. I was littled away to skin and bones, anyone came within 5 feet of me I would scream and shake."

I turn around, off of Finnick. "But I'm getting better, now. I'm working on it. I had to tell Johanna and Peeta to leave, because I know I would have triggered something in their hearts. It's too much pain to go through, again… Just talking about it brings their screams to my mind." I wince as Johanna's and Peeta's screams combine, echoing through my head. I grit my teeth, pressing my fingers to my temples. "See, screams."

The audience starts talking amongst themselves as I curl into a ball on the stage, rocking back and forth to try to get the screaming to stop. I push Finnick away when he tries to comfort me, a little harder than I should have. He simply sits across from me, waiting.

What feels like forever later, the screaming finally stop and I stand up. Finnick stands up too, and he hands me a few pills. "It will help, love." He whispers, handing them to me. I look out to the audience, seeing everyone's eyes on me.

I smirk at their shocked expressions; I can't help it. I hold up my hand of pills, "Cheers!" Then I chug them back. Their faces were priceless, I'm glad I got it on camera.

I feel extremely refreshed and better after the pills, and I put my dress back on, done talking for now. I will more than likely have to answer questions later, but as of right now I just want to have a few dances with my Finn. It's time for me to stop reopening my wounds before I bleed out.

I wipe my face, and someone hands me a wet cloth. I take it gracefully, dabbing my puffy face carefully so I don't ruin my makeup even more than I already have. After that's done I look to the crowd, "Well, that's all for now… I can't... talk about it anymore. I'm sorry. If you have any more questions, you can ask me privately later. Right now it's time for cake!" The next thing I know, a smiling Finnick grabs my hand, pulling me over to cut the cake.


	35. Chapter 34: Finally Gemma Odair

_(Guys, I'm so sorry I haven't updated- I was going to a week ago, but my account was suspened... so I was just aloud to post it today... so here you go :)_

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><p><em>Lovelies. I am so, so, <strong>SO<strong> sorry. I haven't updated in forever. I feel so bad you don't even know._

_My life if rather crazy at the moment, with the end of the school year coming up (Exams!) and such. There's so much pathetic drama on the go too, I hate it._

_Any who, I haven't really had the inspiration nor time to write. But there's no way I can give up on Gemma and the rest of the lovely gang now! I mean, there's so much left to happen (Cough* Cough* …maybe another book? Cough*)! Well, I suddenly have so many ideas and I'm in the mood to write, so Ta Da! Another chapter. I'm so sorry about the wait._

_On another note, any of you that were keeping up with my SYOT… the site deleted it : ( I think I was going to end it anyways, it was too much work for my busy life._

_Don't you guys worry; as soon as the summer gets here and I'm free from this horrible place called school I will get back to writing daily again! _

_I wonder if anyone actually read all of that, or if they just skipped it to get to the story. If you actually read it, put "Finnick Watch!" In a review ;)_

_OH! Speaking about that! Apparently the casting for Finnick is narrowed down to three? I pretty well hyperventilated. It also didn't help that the two scenes the actors have to audition are the 'Want a Sugar Cube?' scene and the scene where Finnick hears Annie's screams._

…_I don't even to think about what I'll be like in the theater during that. I will be breaking down with sobs. I can feel it already._

_So yeah, I'll get on with the chapter now! Hopefully it won't be to short… If you want to stay in touch with me, other than through fanfiction, feel free to follow me on twitter and tumblr (GamesPeetaLover and midnight-at-the-hanging-tree). I'd love to talk/get to know you all better!_

_Thank you all so much, and I'm so sorry. Xoxo._

xXxXx

_**"Cut," I hear Cressida say quietly.**_

_**"What's wrong with her?" Plutarch says under his breath.**_

_**"She's figured out how Snow's using Peeta," says Finnick.**_

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><p>I fall back onto the bed, sighing with relief. Finnick plops down beside me, on his side, pushing the hair from my face. "You are so beautiful." He whispers.<p>

I smile, not answering him. We just got back from our wedding. _Our wedding. _I love thinking it, I love hearing it. I'm finally Gemma Odair.

It was so much fun; more perfect then I could have ever imagined. The only way it could have been better is if all of my dead loved ones were there. But I can't think about that now. I already had one melt down today, I can't have another.

Trixie must have eaten four pieces of our cake. I couldn't blame her, it was the most delicious thing. Johanna volunteered to let her have a sleepover in her compartment so the two of us didn't have to deal with an overly hyper Trixie. But that's not my point. My point is was that the cake was delicious. Just as good as Peeta's cupcakes, if not better.

After my speech it was time to dance. We had our first dance, and I cried again, of course. At first I couldn't move, I just stayed in Finnick arms as I trembled, because of all the people watching us. With Finnick's help I managed to pry myself out of my fear for a few minutes, long enough to have our dance.

I don't know the name of the song we danced to, but I know I'll never forget it. The whole time Finnick was being his charming self, mumbling little cute nothings into my ears. It was so soothing, instead of sleeping I resulted in crying. Not of sadness, but because of happiness. Because me and Finnick and Trixie can finally live happily ever after.

After that was over, I told Finn I would dance with Peeta. He was hesitant, he didn't want to leave me. My answer, "Oh, C'mon Finn. I promised Peeta a dance. Before he sees Katniss. Just go… dance with Jo. I know she'll just love that." We both burst out laughing as he leaves to go find her. She doesn't dance, she hates it.

A few seconds later, as I was searching the crowd for Peeta, I heard the angry growls of Johanna, "Odair. You put me down right now! I am not dancing with you!" I turned around to seeing Finnick carrying Johanna, who was slung over his shoulder pounding on his back, to the center of the dance floor. They were making a huge scene, intentionally of course, and I couldn't help but laugh.

Once they finally began to dance, despite Johanna's protests, I found Peeta. He was in the corner of the room, staring at the floor still wearing his handcuffs and shackles.

I swear my heart dropped from my chest and landed in my stomach.

I rushed to him, demanding the guards to let him go so we could dance. Peeta was silent as they shook their heads, no.

I still remember the feeling I got, that burning anger, that I smirk. Finnick looks at me confused from his side of the bed.

Do you think I took no for an answer? No.

I narrowed my eyes at the guards, "You undo him before I jump over there and rip your eyes out of their sockets. Don't think I won't do it just because it's my wedding." To scare them further I added, "And if I do recall, the crazy girl didn't take her meds this morning, so I have an excuse." You wouldn't believe how fast those chains came off of him.

I tugged him to the dance floor, still only occupied by Finnick and Johanna, and they were laughing about something. They both said hello to Peeta before we began to dance. "Keep your eyes on me, okay? Don't look around the room." I remember whispering to him.

Peeta's a fine dancer. I even got him to smile and laugh a few times out there. I'm glad.

After Peeta finished, I danced with Trixie, Haymitch, Johanna, Annie, Katniss, and even Plutarch before I danced with almost every single one of District thirteen's citizens.

So now I'm pretty tired, that the wedding is over and I'm all danced out.

I know you hear rumors about what you're supposed to do on your wedding night, but by the look of Finnick's dozing eyes beside me, I doubt we're going to do much more then sleep.

I stroke his hair soothingly, "Mr Odair, wake up. We aren't even in bed yet." He jolts awake, smiling from ear to ear.

I jump up, stripping off my dress and bikini, leaving me completely naked. I make sure I don't look down at myself as I walk over to the dresser to get one of Finn's baggy shirts to wear to bed.

By the time I have the shirt slipped over me, Finnick is in his boxer's, in under the blankets of the bed and almost asleep. "God, you're so lazy, Finn." I say jokingly as I slide into his arms. It's as though we're made for each other.

"Hey, Gem, remember when you were in your first games… and it was during lunch… and Annabelle came over to me, and she told me you had a crush on me for years?" He whispers into my hair sleepily.

I sigh, not wanting to think about that. It hurts. "Yes, Finn. I remember. Now go to sleep."

"No, I love that memory. That's when I first decided I liked you, you know." He's told me this a million times.

"I know you did. You've told me before. You're just half asleep, you don't know what you're saying." I turn around to face him before I kiss his nose. "Goodnight, Finn."

He opens his eyes for a second, grinning, "Goodnight Mrs Odair." Then he kisses me [passionately before drifting off into his slumber.

…

I wake up and Finnick isn't in bed.

I immediately start to panic. _Where is he? Why did he leave me?_

I jump from the bed, eyes frantically searching the room. "Finnick?" I call out. I race to the bathroom, swing the door open, only to find he isn't in there. "Finnick!" I scream, breathing harder.

Still only wearing my thin t shirt, with nothing underneath, I race out the door into the hallway. "Finnick!" I repeat looking down the hall. I can feel myself starting to cry as I start running, desperately looking for him. I know he's probably just gone to get Trixie, but I can't help but react like this. My mind automatically assumes the worst._ Snow's got him. They managed to get into District thirteen and they have him. He's dead. Someone went crazy and killed him. Why would they kill him?_

I climb up some staircases at the end of the hall, and I pass some people. They call after me, wanting me to stop.

I trip up and fall, and with no energy to get up again I curl into a ball in the middle of the hall way. I'm sobbing, "Finnick! Finnick why'd you leave me?"

Then I feel someones arms go around me, lifting me, and I start to thrash around. "Sweetheart, sweetheart, relax. It's okay, it's Haymitch." I hear the gruff voice whispering in my ear. I cling to his dirty shirt, soaking it with my tears.

"H-Haymitch! F-Finnick is.. he's dead! I woke up, and- and he's not here! He's dead!" I sob into him. I can hear a door opening, and soon enough I'm place in a chair, and blanket thrown over me. "I c-can't- Haymitch!" I wail over and over.

He sits on the floor across from me, waiting for me to calm down. "Are you done yet, sweetheart? Finnick isn't dead. He's down working with a special trident Beetee invented for him." I stop immediately.

"W-what?" I sniff, wiping my red eyes.

"He's fine. He didn't want to wake you. You have to learn to not freak out whenever you're not with him, Gemma." He scolds me.

I'm furious at this; he has no idea what it's like. Well maybe a little bit… he is a victor after all. "Haymitch! How can you say that! Do you not get it at all? I thought you of all people would understand…" I scream at him, throwing the blanket off of me.

He sighs, "Gemma, wait, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it like that. And Jesus, didn't you think about putting on any clothes before you started running the halls? You're naked!"

I look down at myself and notice my shirt is half off, ripped in a few places. My lower half is completely exposed. "Oh, right. I didn't realize. Do you have any pants I could borrow?" He grunts and stands up, walking to his dresser. He comes back with a pair of grey sweat pants. I shove them on, "Thanks."

He tells me he'll walk me to Finnick, so he can explain to him what happen. We leave for the door, and he holds my arm to keep me steady.

Oh, what would I do without my Haystack?

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><p><em>Click that big blue review button for me? Please? I want to hear from you guys. I love and miss you c:<em>


	36. I'm so beyond sorry  Author's note

Hey lovelies. I know you all must hate me now, and that I completely understand. I remember when I was really into fanfiction- you get your hands on a really good fic, but then it's never updated. I know, I know, it's bad. But really, the wow factor of FF wears off quickly, as unfortunate as that is. There was a time once before that I used to write two or three chapters a day. That time is long gone. As sad as I am to say, i completely lost my feel for this story. I don't know how I'm going to be able to ever finish it; I can't get my mojo back. It's been too long.

This doesn't mean I won't finish it, though, of course not. Let's just say I'm taking a break from this story. Let your imaginations run wild for a few more weeks, try to imagine what is going to happen to these characters.

But that is not why I'm here. I'm here to apologize for my absence, and to let you all know that I'm writing a new story. If you are still interested in me, or my writing, then please go check out my other story. It's about Odesta :)

I don't have any idea how many of you still even remember this story. (I wouldn't be surprised if none of you do) But I do miss you guys. A lot. I think about you all the time and I miss hearing from you. So please don't hesitate to send me an PM, talk to me on twitter, or tumblr, or on my other story. Seriously! I love you guys. I hope to hear from you later. Xoxo


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